Now sober, life ain't the same

[Conez]

Hi SR folk...
I would like some ES&H on this recovery issue....

People mention in AA about being born an alkie or evolving towards alcoholism... in my case i think i may have been born alkie. from the first taste at around 5 yrs old i was hooked... cultural norms made it easy for me to progress to alcoholism very early in life. i'm still young compared to most in the rooms of AA... but had the same extensive battle with alcoholism.

so before i was emotionally/mentally developed i had dependance... for the last 15yrs i've drunk heavily and in the last 8yrs daily.

becoming sober i have realised the part alcohol has played in my life....
finding now that i'm not equiped with the basics to function normally in daily life without the facade of alcohol.

now just a lil over a month sober.... i've got trubs with anxiety.... and sleep/eating probs.... all as direct result of not having my puppet master.

agitated and confused, i don't know who or what i am or what the hell is going on with me....

i'm staying isolated and almost agoraphobic in a sence with the daily anxiety... sleeping has become so stressful that its down to mircosleeps and the day spent in a daze.... this has caused more stress as functioning thru the day has resulted in near miss traffic accidents and generally being incoherent and confused.

now i have no idea weather this is an underlying mental health problem aside or part of depression... as now sober my dr has commenced treatment for moderate/severe depression...

this life sober is so weird... i feel lost in a sea overwhelming fears and emotions. i just wana feel normal again.... for me to feel normal means drunk... but i'm sober so i'm gona feel normal anytime soon.

i don't want advice on how to get better sleep as i've gone thru all that recently with my dr.... and i am making good efforts at changing routines with lil effective results.
just any light on mental issues and recovery would be nice. thanx

[FightingIrish]

I can relate to your post. I decided after 6 months of sobriety and working a solid program to do something about my crazy head. I went to see a psychiatrist and started medication four weeks ago. I feel like someone finally turned off the alarm clock that's been going off inside of me for three and a half decades.

Hope you find relief.

Originally Posted by Conez

Hi SR folk...
I would like some ES&H on this recovery issue....

People mention in AA about being born an alkie or evolving towards alcoholism... in my case i think i may have been born alkie. from the first taste at around 5 yrs old i was hooked... cultural norms made it easy for me to progress to alcoholism very early in life. i'm still young compared to most in the rooms of AA... but had the same extensive battle with alcoholism.

so before i was emotionally/mentally developed i had dependance... for the last 15yrs i've drunk heavily and in the last 8yrs daily.

becoming sober i have realised the part alcohol has played in my life....
finding now that i'm not equiped with the basics to function normally in daily life without the facade of alcohol.

now just a lil over a month sober.... i've got trubs with anxiety.... and sleep/eating probs.... all as direct result of not having my puppet master.

agitated and confused, i don't know who or what i am or what the hell is going on with me....

i'm staying isolated and almost agoraphobic in a sence with the daily anxiety... sleeping has become so stressful that its down to mircosleeps and the day spent in a daze.... this has caused more stress as functioning thru the day has resulted in near miss traffic accidents and generally being incoherent and confused.

now i have no idea weather this is an underlying mental health problem aside or part of depression... as now sober my dr has commenced treatment for moderate/severe depression...

this life sober is so weird... i feel lost in a sea overwhelming fears and emotions. i just wana feel normal again.... for me to feel normal means drunk... but i'm sober so i'm gona feel normal anytime soon.

i don't want advice on how to get better sleep as i've gone thru all that recently with my dr.... and i am making good efforts at changing routines with lil effective results.
just any light on mental issues and recovery would be nice. thanx

[nandm]

Sorry you are struggling right now. I do have to say that what you are describing is pretty common. Many people struggle with learning how to cope with life without alcohol. For me that is why I kept drinking long after I knew I had a problem; I knew that I was even more insane without the alcohol. The program and steps of AA helped me to learn the tools to deal with life without alcohol. But I also had to seek outside help for the depression, acute anxiety, and PTSD. I encourage you to be honest with your doctor about your alcohol use and take your meds as prescribed. You might also check out this info on PAWS, it is post alcohol withdrawal syndrome which may account for some of your symptoms.
Post Acute Withdrawl - Relapse Prevention Specialists - TLC The Living Center

Take care and welcome to our mental health forum

[Conez]

i have looked at that particular PAWS link before... i read it again and yes i consider that may be the case with many of the difficulties i am currently having...

how long does this last? and if it is something long term how do u manage it.... esp. if u have depression in the equation.

i've started making a point in last couple wks to practice better diet and exercise routines... hoping sleep patterns improve.... it hasn't and now i'm left with fatigue and anxiety symptoms due to sleep deprivation.... altho i have felt unwell, i have not had day naps... i've tried to eat regular healthy meals and been more active on a daily basis... with even less sleep than before...
i've even taken into account and practice good sleep hygenie...

i cannot physically manage to sleep normally.... i struggle thru the night to get anymore than 1hr unbroken sleep... its very stressful. i wake feeling crap with intense fear and worry, following onto a day full of social and mental anxiety.

a lot of that is just the hidden pieces of the puzzle floating to the surface... things not dealt with while being drunk all those yrs. i feel lost in as i said before in this sea of emotion and fear... not knowing what do or how to be. i'm numb and distract myself from feeling this way.... so i'm at least not crying my way to a slow miserable death.

nothin i've tried yet has made my daily struggles any easier...