I am just so totally whacked

[GailJ]

I don't know. It's probably the anxiety, the PTSD is always there to don't really know if it has something to do with why I want to just crawl in a hole. I posted three times in the last couple weeks with overwelming response. I should be happy yet I am so damned confused and scared and don't know why. Maybe it's work have been bashed all week by older seniorty women who decided amonst themselves a really physically demanding job to be mine as least seniority on the job. I can't do it and asked management to handle it. Have been systematically picked on all week. Didn't work for them so answer was them to send someone to say

"It is my understanding you are perfect and better than the rest of us. Yet you **** up like the rest of us."

It really shouldn't have bothered me at all but it does and inside can't deny it.

I did my job and wore a fake smile rest of the day. compemplating these devious menposal women. Avoided the bully/lacky they delegated to bully me into a really hard job not mine. So wierd as I posted a blog on my myspace that related 100% to this senario. Seriously it was just plain bullying and I didn't cave after 6 of the cronnies decided to give me this take they themselves did not want to take.

Really mad that I went to management and asked for clear printed clarification as to who's job it was. All kinds of rumors flying over that one............................

I caved I am drinking and sorting thoughts. I am home and have Saturday at least before work starts on Sunday again.

Sorry just venting I guess. Don't know what to say.

[hippyhippy]

hey hun,
I am so sorry you are getting this c**p. That is downright bullying. Your work seems to take such a lot out of you and that isn't great but I know that work is what pays the bills and all.
If it is a physically demanding job, surely it should be shared out? Do you not have employment laws and stuff to back you up? Or would that cause you more grief and stress?

I should be happy

Where does should come in to it hun? We give ourselves such grief about the way that we are feeling, as though it is an internal weakness that is making us blue/sad/depressed/anxious etc etc, that somehow we can control it completely. There is no should hun. You are feeling bad and you don't need to be giving yourself more trouble for feeling bad.

It really shouldn't have bothered me at all but it does and inside can't deny it.

Of course it bothers you hunny. You are a person who is emotional like any one else. If these folk start playing on you, then of course you are going to get hurt. We all like to be liked, we all like to be getting on with our colleagues and it is hard when this is not the case. These particular colleagues of yours sound like thoughtless asses. Don't help you knowing that though eh?
Best I can give you just now hun, is my love and thoughts. Hope this situation gets resolved. The last thing you need is physical exhaustion.
Hippy

[GailJ]

Still going but at least I was paid double time for it. Yes there are laws and union and I union steward for three years before last extended relapse. That is why they are so mad. I went to management to resolve the problem. Rumours...............This too will pass.

[Lilya]

Hi Gail,

Nice to see you again!

I´ve been away for a while. How are things with you?

I´m sorry to hear about your work situation. Is this a new job or is it the old one?

Remember, bad things don´t last. Hippy´s right, avoid words like "I should", because it makes you more stressed.

Hugs to you.

Love and light,

[GailJ]

An update, I gave up my QA backup position and went back to my reg job. Major blowout with other woman sent me into physical anx for three days. Just not worth my health and no difference in pay anyway. Definately not worth another stress leave. Even though I liked the job it seems best. Yesterday was my last day and the last day of Easter rush for fresh turkeys. T.G. Sober three weeks now and hope it keeps going.

Comtemplating erasing a post I made here. Shouldn't of posted it, it was an emotion over reason moment and I have been brooding and regretting over it since.

Three new kittens in the house. Absolutely adorable, eyes open on all only two days now will post pics for all of you. Anyone want a kitten????LOL

[hippyhippy]

Hi hun,
sounds like you made right decision for your health. I just returned to work after 5 months and already realise how much c**p work can stir inside you.
Well done on the 3 weeks sobriety.
Can you airmail me a kitten? lol
Hippy
xx

[GailJ]

I don't know what to say except totlly done. In every sense of the word. Hubby is a total ass. and making sure I know it. Divorce time.