I'm so frustrated

[ccgirl]

I have been diagnosed bipolar for 18 years (long before addiction so it's a true diagnosis) and have had many, many ups and downs, suicide attempts, not taking meds properly, hospital stays, you know the drill.

A few months ago I finally got a drug regimen that I though was working. I have taken it faithfully, and then, a few days ago, bam (although it was probably more subtle than that) I hit a major anxiety level and depression which always go hand in hand. Will I never find something that makes life a normal thing for me? My brain is so tired from not working right. Some days I wish I could just sleep the days away. I have hobbies, wonderful ones, I exercise although I could do more, I've lost 65 lbs for health reasons, I've worked out most, if not all of my old issues; you know, I like me. But still, my brain doesn't work right. It feels broken. And I'm so tired of trying to fix it.

I'm sorry. I just needed to vent.

[Spacecat]

Dear ccgirl,

Mental illness sucks!!! I am in a similar position too, my friend & I can totally relate...
My Doctors tend to think I have Bi-Polar as well & I must say that it really sucks & I am totally depressed at the moment....

My Doctors have put me on meds that are used to treat people with Epilepsy, as they are now being used to treat Bi-Polar Disorder...
The Med I have started on is Epilim & I'm praying that it will help me.....

All I can say is that there has to be a light at the end of the tunnel for both of us, so we have to try & stay positive....

I'm a Christian, I've got the hope of Heaven awaiting me in the after-life, but at the moment, I don't enjoy my life here on Earth at all & all I want to do is sleep, but tonight, I can't even do that without having disturbing dreams......

Forgive me for talking about my own problems, but I just want you to know that you are not going through this alone....

I'm sorry, but I feel so inadequate, tonight, as I am trying to come up with something to say to cheer you up, but I've drawn a blank........
I hope someone here, can give you some quality advice on what to do....

God Bless you, ccgirl, & I am thinking & praying for you....

[Lilya]

Hi there,

I have been suffering from the exact same symptoms for more years than I care to remember, but I have also had good years too. Therefore I know there are good times to come and that life is like the tide, high and low.

I am coming out of a major anxiety period, followed by a really bad depression and sought comfort in sleep. This has lasted since last December. I had to confront major life change: Moving and buying a house on my own and caring for my niece, who is going through a very unstable period. I had major problems with neighbours who are alcoholics, so I´ve been spending the better part of my afternoons after work at the Police station writing reports.

Getting the money together and talking to bank managers made my anxiety level go sky high and at first I just slept to forget all these problems. Then I couldn´t sleep and that was even worse. There was a death in the family, but I´ll get to that later in another post or thread. Major stress and grief.

Sleep is the great healer, so don´t underestimate it. I find it a great help to allow myself to sleep, but also to create enjoyable and constructive things for stress management. I´m seeing a therapist for that once a week. I go for a walk for 40 minutes before work, then I do yoga or dance with the help of an instructor on DVD. I´m learning self-hypnosis with the help of my therapist and reading everyday a chapter of a self-help book on stress management.

I hope sharing this can be of any help to you. God is in the details. Small things matter. Don´t take on all your problems at once, select one or two and concentrate on them. You will see that sometimes solving one problem solves others as well.

May the force be with you both,

Love and light,

[Spacecat]

Thanks Lilya,

I can really relate to the sleeping thing...I feel sooo much better after a good sleep.....

I found that watching a really stupid comedy flick, can make me feel better, too.....

I laughed so hard today after watching Ben Stiller & Owen Wilson in Starsky & Hutch on DVD....
I'm going to the video store tomorrow & I'm going to hire a heap of Chevy Chase, Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Jim Carrey & Adam Sandler films.....I want to see those Ace Ventura, Pet Detective films again.....

They say that laughter is the best medicine....

God Bless....