Posting

[sidney]

MG,
posted twice on my thread and neither one took.
hope your doing well
Sidney

Hey Sidney,

I saw the posts. I'm not sure why you couldn't see them. My prozac is working fine. I think I figured out the right dose for me. I take 10mg every other night. It works good that way without overwhelming me.

I'm sorry you've been sick and sorry you had to cancel your trip. I hope you feel better soon.

Hugs,
MG

[sidney]

There talking about sending Jared home in three months, might as well be three days. The clozaril has supposidly taken away the voices, but he might not be telling the truth. He is still having severe behavioral problems. We had a team meeting today and not ten minutes later they called to say he was being held because he was attacking staff.
I love my son but I know I am not going to have a life. He is either going to kill himself or kill me. I have no doubt.
Sidney

Sidney,

Did you discuss the possibility of placement? I don't think you can take care of him. It takes at least two people to handle those kinds of behaviors. I know you love him, but he is going to be stronger than you are if he isn't already. I know I can't handle our 13 year olds by myself. I can't even handle the girls by myself. They have a lot of strength and I'm not young any more. Talk to them about all the options. Tell them how you feel. It is not unusual to place a child with behaviors. We have a few clients with strong family ties that are placed in our facilities.

Hugs,
MG

[sidney]

He wasnt elligable for any placement in New Mexico because he has a mental illness. I dont know that I want him placed somewhere in Texas. Im just comfused and worry about his safety and their innability to see the situation.

Sidney

What are the facts concerning him living at home. Look at it without the emotions involved. Can you do it??? Sometimes we push ourselves too far because of guilt or obligation. I know that we are responsible for our children, but there are facts to consider. Are you really able to care for Jared? How many staff does it take to deal with his behavior in the hospital? You are only one female. There is only so much you can do.

[sidney]

I cant do it . Im not strong enough.
Sidney

Ok, that's a fact. Now where do we go from there? There has to be an answer. You have everything it takes to figure this out. You amaze me. I know it's so hard and I would probably be angry if I were you at how unfair life seems right now. Anger is all a part of grief. I used to get so angry that I had the burden of raising my two children without any help.

I know there is a lot to figure out and you don't have to do it all today.

Hugs,
MG

[sidney]

I'm thinking,
Love and Hugs,
Paula

[sidney]

MG,
I'm thinking of taking some kind of self defense classes before Jared comes home. Either that or I can walk around with a baseball bat. He needs to know Im stronger than him, which Im not. And what about next year when hes even bigger. I think I really need to move to another state that has help for mentally ill people. It just seems so overwhelming and Im not sure what to do.

Blessings,
Sidney

I'm not sure either Sidney. There has to be someone you can talk to. I'm not sure what to do. I'll keep looking for something that may help.

Hugs,
MG

Here is a link with a number you can call for referrals.

http://www.nami.org/helpline/helpline.html

[sidney]

MG,
I have been looking for optioins in this state for years, so have social workers and case managers. There are none because of Jareds IQ.
Did talk to him again tonight and he sounded good. I feel like s&*t. My depression only grows worse so then I become more discusted with myself. Its a cycle that I cant seem to get rid of.
Hope you are well

Blessings and Hug,
Sidney

This time I lost my post. I'll try it again.

Did they drop the autism diagnosis. If he still has that diagnosis then he could get into the regional centers in California and the placements are numerous. We have dual diagnosed clients.

Hugs,
MG

[sidney]

MG,
They dropped that diagnosis about 2 years ago. For awhile they were convinced that it was Asbergers. His doctor here had some of his coleges ( know there a "u" in there somwhere) meet Jared. They were familiar with autism and they definatly ruled it out. Then we were back to the childhood schiz or psychosis NOS.
Thanks for the idea though
Sidney
And how are you??

I am tired and grumpy. I'm trying to cook up some schemes to get myself out of working seven days a week. Opening a group home is still in the works, but will take time. I'm too old for all this work. We are going to open the first one in my daughter's name if all goes well and then work on opening more. She will take the required class in June. And then she will have to take another class. I let my administrators certificate expire so I'll have to take a 40 hour class again too. Then we have to write program plans and fill out applications and all that great stuff. I told her I'll run the home if you do all the footwork to get it open. I hate doing things like that.

So that's my plan. Then after that I can try to open my own supported living program. I'm already running one and making all the money for someone else. I should be doing it for myself. I've increased his business by 12,000 a month in the couple of years I've been here. That could have been mine.

Oh well, just venting. Are you sorry you asked?

Hugs,
MG

[sidney]

Read your post about you and your daughter and you starting a program and went back to answer and it was gone. Will read again tomorrow and maybe it will be there.

Blessings,
Sidney

[sidney]

Im flying to Dallas tomorrow and then driving to Austin from there. I am a nervous wreck about dealing with the Dallas airport.My boss found a good deal on tickets to Dallas. I was all prepared to drive this weekend and this is kind of a last minute thing. I still have to pay for the rental car, hotel, and gas.
Jared sounds good on the phone.
Hope all is well with you. Your plan with your daughter sounds great. Your already doing all the work. You should be paid for it.
Blessings.
Sidney

Have a good trip Sidney.

Make sure you talk to them about the plans for releasing Jared and tell them about your concerns.

There has to be some way to get some help with this.

I hope you have a great visit with Jared. I hope he's doing better.

Hugs,
MG

[sidney]

MG,
My trip sucked. The airport, the long drive to Austin, getting repeatedly lost. I will never fly into Dallas again. Im going to look into the Ronald Mcdonald House in Austin. I cant afford all this crap.
Jared was doing pretty well. We had a 24 pass and was able to stay at the hotel (expensive). I was so stressed out from the flight, all the driving and all the getting LOST repeatedly. I just cant do it anymore. I need a new plan. He seemed not to notice that my irritablility.
Do you have a fax number at work. I would like to fax you Jareds treatment plan and see what you think.
Paula

Sidney,

I'll PM you with the number.

Hugs,
MG

Sidney,

I received page 1-8. I don't have enough memory to hold it all. Send page 9 and on.

Hugs,
MG

[sidney]

You probably got most of it. I know some of it is boring but I think you will understand what Im dealing with more. I will fax the rest tomorrow. I kept thinking it was my fax machine.

Hope your well,
Blessings,
Sidney

Sidney,

I tried to fax you to explain, but it didn't go through. I didn't get time to read it today because there were a lot of people in the office and I forgot to bring it home. I'll read it tomorrow.

Hugs,
MG

[sidney]

No worries!!!!! There is no urgency. Nothing is going to change much. Take your time. I just wanted your opinion. Ill fax the rest tomorrow and dont feel you have to read it right away.
Blessings,
Sidney