Yep - I live and drink alone

[NotWeise]

I drink a 12 pack of budweiser every day and Ive been doing that for about 5 years and been drinking 8 and Im 25. I work night shift and when I get off I go straight to drinking, when I wake up I go straight to work and this repeats itself day after day. I prefer to drink alone it seems to keep me out of trouble and I dont have the embaresing feeling in my gut when I wake up because I think I did something stupid the night before (I blackout every time I drink). I dont have sober friends, I tried hanging out with them and felt like such an outcast. They were all having a good time living in the moment and I felt like I was waiting - waiting to get the **** out of there so I could go home and drink and live in my moment. I tried to quit a bunch of times before and even today and its not working. I tried doing something constuctive like cleaning my house today and that lasted for about 30 minutes and the feeling of what do I do now came back. I walked around from room to room trying to find something to do and got so bored and lonley I made a trip to the store got home and I posted this message.. I read all the ideas you can do - walk dog etc. but what about after that. Theres a point were my bodies dead tired but my mind is racing so I cant sleep. If I didnt drink Id be up all night staring at the wall like a vegtable and I think that would drive me mad... I dont know if anyone can relate to any of that but I need some advice. I know I cant keep this up forever. Thanks

[Chy]

Hi and welcome!
I completly relate! I really do! Lived that same life style for a very long time, though I had my husband and kids at home, I was still pretty much a loner. If your ready, stick around, you'll get a lot of support in achieving your sobriety. A quick note, as miserable as it seems lack of sleep won't kill ya, drinking eventually will. You can do this!

[Lawry]

Hi NotWeise,

I can relate to your story. I always preferred to drink alone and would like nothing more than to get loads of booze and just watch tv alone or listen to music. Man, I really thought that music was deep and talking to me after I'd had a few. It was the only time I thought I felt any real emotion.

The trouble with this lifestyle is that it cuts you off from people more and more. You absolutely have to stop doing it straight away or you'll dig yourself deeper and deeper into the hole.

The trouble is there's no magical cure or alternative activity that's going to quickly and easily wean you off this lifestyle. It is going to be hard, especially if you do this every day. Initially you're probably going to get some physical withdrawl symptoms and sleep will be hard to come by. Your mind will race but hopefully this won't last too long. Just remember during this time that nothing worthwhile is easy and this will be the most worthwhile thing you ever do.

One way to spend your evenings would be to go to some AA meetings or spend time in recovery related online activities. If you go to one meeting every evening (some people go to more than one if they're available) and then spend some time in the many online recovery resources available, this will use up that time you dread and re-inforce your resolve to quit.

My advice is jump into recovery, spend as much of your spare time as possible in it. Even if it doesn't feel like it's doing anything to start with just keep doing it.

Take care and let us know how you get on

Lawry.

[draw 123]

I don't think I could give any quality advice, but I can tell you that I can relate entirely to what you said. In my twenties I worked a graveyard shift for seven or eight years and became very accustomed to drinking alone. Since I began visiting this site I have seen an incredible amount of support given to anyone strugling with this disease or addiction, or whatever you choose to call it. Like some told me keep posting I'm sure you will find support here.

[KarenOskie]

Hello and welcome, Notwiese, I love your 'handle'. Did it come from the name of your beer? I thought I would never be able to stay sober, was too scared to go to AA, felt so absolutely hopeless because I kept trying and failing. Seemed to go on forever! But I haven't had a drink now since May 22. It's a miracle! But I had to do some stuff to get this miracle started. First, I had to want it with all my heart and soul. Unfortunately, it took what to me seemed like a tragic situation to make that come about. I don't think most people have to go that far, hopefully you won't either, since tragic situations are often deadly. Now I go to AA and love it. I get a little bored and lonely sometimes. I live alone, too. But bored is so much better than drunk, hungover and desperate, and it doesn't last long at all. I get on the phone and talk to other recovering people, get on here and read, go to the gym, but mostly go to meetings. There are fun activities that the AA groups do together outside of meetings, too. Haven't gone yet, but will. Sometimes now it seems there isn't enough time in the day to do all I want to do. And that's after less than two weeks. There is so much hope for you! So much life to be lived. I hope we hear from you again and often.
Hugs,
Karen

[CarolD]

Welcome to SR!

Finding a 7 am AA meeting was a huge boost towards my sobriety. A vunch of us often went out to breakfast afterwards. It was a great way to find new sober friends.

Detoxing alone from alcohol is not too wise. Do you know what to expect?

Blessings...

[NoMoBeer]

Ah, you're singing my song (see my screen name).

I was a 12 pack+ a night beer drinker. I drank alone too, but I have a wife and 4 kids. Didn't matter, I still wanted to be alone with my Bud.

It's when I started coming apart at the seams inside that made me want to give that lifestyle up. I can tell you that you don't have to live that way.

For me, I went to AA, got a sponsor, and got to work on the 12 steps.

I am a different person today, and although (for me) it's a slow process, I grow every day -- sober.

Your first step is that you must decide you will go to any lengths to stay sober today. For me, sobriety is the most important thing in my life -- without it, I have nothing.

Keep reading and posting, and whichever recovery program you choose, get to work.

Ken

[Brookie]

I prefer to drink alone it seems to keep me out of trouble and I dont have the embaresing feeling in my gut when I wake up because I think I did something stupid the night before (I blackout every time I drink). ... I felt like I was waiting - waiting to get the **** out of there so I could go home and drink and live in my moment.

Yup - that's me all over too. It's a lonely life amigo. Just like Ken, I've got a wife and kids. Spent a lot of time trying to get them squared away so I could go off by myself and drink by myself without consequences or complications (or so I told myself). Pretty much cut myself off from everyone except for my immediate family.

Hope you stick around. Wouldn't hurt to try an AA meeting. Feel free to sit in the back and just listen if that's what you'd prefer.

Much luck,
Joe

[2tough2die]

NotWeise,

I work the noon to midnight shift, and also used to come home at 12:30am to kill a couple six packs until the break of dawn, being all wound up from work and all. Days off were only a good reason to start earlier. No kids or wife and all that, so it was pretty much a solo flight unless I downed a quick few before closing time on the way home.

It does help to have something to do to kill those up late hours. I've been teaching myself to paint and relearning guitar and find that these hours are the best for really finding something you're interested in and pursuing it, since there's no one to bother you

I got snarly with anyone interrupting the bottle's trip to my lips by something as irritating as 'conversation'. Nothing like having people around me to ruin my 'good time'. Did this for 15 years, and I'm only 36. Hopefully you'll get the point that life pretty much sucks living that way earlier than I did. There were a lot of people having a good time that I wish I had been a part of.

- Greg

[FunWhenDrunk]

Like others here, I can totally relate to what you've said. I lived alone for 7 years and I was so miserable during that time. I basically became a hermit. I couldn't wait to get home after work so I could lock myself up in my sad little apartment and drink and watch TV. On rare occasions I'd meet a friend for a drink after work but the whole time I'd be itching to leave and get home so I could be with my TRUE best friend -- alcohol -- and have her all to myself. I didn't want anyone else to see how much I needed alcohol and how I REALLY drank. I had to somewhat control myself at a nice restaurant around "normal" drinkers but at home I could guzzle the wine as fast as I wanted. It was a terribly sad and lonely time for me. Alcohol could not fill up the void inside of me -- it only made it worse and I'm sad that I wasted so much time being by myself like that -- it is no way to live. Sober life is wonderful -- sobriety has a way of making you do things you never thought you could before -- and that's a very good thing indeed!

[MNGirlyGirl]

Notweise -- Your story could be mine. But instead of beer, my drink of choice is wine. I would drink from the time I got home from work until the time I went to bed. I stopped going out drinking because of 2 DUI's. I know the feeling of "I can't wait to get home so I can start drinking". And most of all I know the restless feelings when sober. Pacing -- starting for the door to go to the liquor store, then stopping myself. You are not alone. Tonight I'm going to AA. How about you?

Kathy

[NoMoBeer]

Right on Kathy!

AA helps me to not be thirsty!

[NotWeise]

Thanks for the replys! I didnt drink tonight and its not so bad, I keep telling my self bordem and no sleep wont kill me and things will get better (Thanks for that tip) Also found a place were AA meetings take place and Im going there tomorrow to find out the schedule then Im stopping by a boxing gym and Im going to look into that. Friday night is whats going to kill me, Im thinking about taking my drinking money and going to a strip club and just watch girls dance all night to occupy my time.. It might even motivate me to start dating again

[CarolD]

to see you are being proactive!
In early sobriety
I never could stay quit by going places that served alcohol.

I do hope you find a way to stay sober. It is a wonderful way to live.

[findingout]

Originally Posted by NotWeise

Friday night is whats going to kill me, Im thinking about taking my drinking money and going to a strip club and just watch girls dance all night to occupy my time.. It might even motivate me to start dating again

NotWeise, Friday nights are bad at first. I made it a point to always be at an A.A. or N.A. meeting between 8 and 9 PM on Friday. It gave me something to do and it was where I needed to be. Also, unless you are headed to a strip club that doesn't serve your drug of no choice (in Michigan they have clubs that don't serve alcohol because the women are completely nude, never really understood that one), I can't think of a worse place for a man in early, early recovery to voluntarily place himself. Truely "not wise".

One Love, One Heart, Jah Bless
Tony