Darragh

I need some support today… it’s midafternoon and I am determined not to drink today, to break the cycle.. once and for all. I am so miserable, but drinking will only make things much worse. I hate who I have become, what I have become.. a lying, sneaky, fat, disheveled creature. I’m trying to focus on the positives of quitting: I’ll feel better about myself, I won’t worry so much about dying, maybe I’ll have more energy, maybe I’ll start to look better, maybe I’ll feel I’m worth something..
I’m just feeling really sad and scared right now. This is the point in the afternoon I get to when I usually throw in the towel and go home to drink, the only thing that allows me to numb out. I’m not going to do that. I need a hand to hold on to.
Do people find their emotional status improves with being sober? It’s a vicious circle because the more I drink the worse I feel but think somehow drinking will help, and it does but so fleetingly and then it’s just worse.
I am afraid of everything, afraid to walk down the street, afraid something terrible will happen, afraid of strangers’ looks. Is this the effects of alcohol? I’ve got to believe I’ll feel better than this in time, the absolute doom and horror feelings just can’t be the way I’m meant to feel. I don’t believe this is just “not accepting I won’t feel good all the time”. There has to be a better balance I’ll eventually swing to… right?

Well, I am seeing my GP to perhaps increase my antidepressant dose this week (I take Prozac, but when I drink I tend to “forget” because I’m just sabotaging the effects).

I will not drink today.

Darragh

Patsyd1

Hi Darragh,

I understand what you are sharing, I too was so afraid of most everything in my life, when I got sober. For myself, I always felt so much better talking to another alcoholic. When I would talk with another alcoholic, the feelings of not being alone, would multiply within. I usually found myself laughing at something, and completely forgot what I was afraid of .

I found this same thing happened at AA meetings. I got alot of hope and people who really cared, and knew me from the inside, to the outside.

Have you been to AA meetings? If not, I would like to suggest that you call "Alcoholics Anonymous", the phone number is in your phone book, they can talk with you, and let you know where the nearest AA meeting is in your area.
Good for you, I am glad to hear that you will not drink today.

Chy

Good to see you still posting Darragh!
Yes, for me I was an emotional mess, very isolated, lonely and sad. I had a bit of paranoia as well but now I realize it was just another aspect of my disease. Does it get better, you bet!

I hope you will look for a means of support, there are many options and you have to decide what works for you. Stick around and listen, and you'll get a lot of suggestions. Keep an open mind, and stick with it! Today you won't drink! Awesome!

NoMoBeer

Hi Darragh, and welcome!

Yes, I too was an emotional wreck when I was drinking. I was also fat, had big bags under my eyes and would not know if Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde was coming out to play when I'd drink. I also didn't know when he would come out, after 10 beers or after 18 and some vodka... sad way of living.

For me, everything improved when I got sober. Obviously not over night -- well, the physical stuff changed pretty quickly when I stopped putting all that crap in my body.

I'd say the benefits of being sober are many, and I only know a glimpse of them now. It was easy to numb the pain of life, but I had to wake up and face life all over again. Now I try to face life on life's terms, and I get a LOT of help, love and support when needed through other sober alcoholics.

Stay tuned, and please keep us in the loop. Remember, you don't have to feel that way another day.

Ken

Kit

Darragh, try, try try!! In a matter of days your face will be less puffy and you may have lost a couple of pounds - that helps! Also, I find that if I don't let myself get hungry, it helps with the cravings. GOOD LUCK!!!!!
Love, Kit

CarolD

I would be DEAD had I not found recovery.

That is the bottom line for untreated alcolism.

Why are you not reaching out in your locale? So many of us die from being too shy or emvarrassed oe scared or??? to ask for help for our disease.


Please dont be one who dies.

GettingSober

Yes. My problems dont go away but I dont have to feel like **** about them either. I can live in the *now* and be happy. Feel good.

Your afraid of something happening because its going to happen. Thats how I felt the last 10 times I got hammered, scared out of my mind the next day. Now my buddy has no license to get to work.

End the booze, end the bad feelings. End the terror.

BobbieBoop1

I get afraid of reservations

Darragh

Thanks so much... I am so glad to hear the horrors and paranoia and how awful I act may be a result of alcohol and not a personality disaster intrinsic to me (at least not when I'm sober!)

I feel 100% better this morning.. had a great night's sleep and woke up not panicking, which is huge for me.

Thanks for the support!
-D

Time4Me11

Great Darragh!

Once the toxins started to leave my body, I also started to feel SO much better emotionally...and each day did get better.

It was a great relief and motivater to get the sense that most of my horrors, panics, paranoia, etc, etc, could be gradually eliminated simply by not loading up my body with booze....POISON!

Keep at it, for me...that has been the greatest reward of all.