Cravings

[Andy F]

When I was around 17 years sober my tea was spiked with speed. I had no knowledge of this and had never taken drugs when I was drinking. I just remembered feeling very at peace and comfortable. Of course, as I didn't know I had speed I had no guilt. It was 3am and I was with some associates, I just thoight I was tired and a bit emotional. When a friend of mine had a pint of beer I had a real surging desire to drink it. I didn't know why I felt like this, I didn't know I had had speed. Again, I put it down to tiredness and had to really concentrate on giving myself a good talking to while this was going on. Later in the morning I found out that someone had misunderstood something I had said and thought I wanted speed put in my tea. My point in this, is that this is the only time in sobriety, after the first horrible 9 months, that I had a real desire to drink. And it was obviously induced by the fact I had had speed especially bearing in mind I never knew I had taken it.

I mention the above because it is the exception to where I believe cravings normally originate from. My mind.

When I came to stopping drinking first, my mind was in such a state and my beliefs were so distorted that in effect I was never going to untwist my thinking and learn new ways on my own. It's difficult now, let alone when I was trying to stop drinking. I was in effect, it seemed, helpless, hopeless and clueless, on my own unaided will.

But I have not been beyond human help. The help is available. From gratitude lists, to taking risks of being vulnerable with new friends, taking inventory, seeing cognitive therapists, and so on. All aimed at changing thinking and attitudes.

After the initial detox and with aforemented exceptions my cravings are created by me in my mind. Just because I haven't learnt to identify and understand my thoughts does not mean cravings come from somewhere left field. They are, in my belief, perfectly scientific. Not understanding them doesn't make them less so.

I like this belief, because I create my problem and I can learn, with help, to stop creating the problem.

I am traditionally a person who acts upon how I feel. I am traditionally a person who automatically seeks to feel good. The latter is normal human nature. What I need to learn is that behind most of my feelings are thoughts. Generally lost in space, my thoughts need to be reclaimed. It is my unruly, distorted beliefs and thoughts that create my feelings.

I started with my thoughts around drinking. Identifying and challenging all the old crap and dumb-arsed ideas that ensured I picked up the first drink and started the ball rolling again. I make no bones about this, my cravings went when I changed my beliefs and thoughts towards alcohol. It's not magic. Just a huge relief.

That's why playing the tape and gratitude lists help because they challenge old ways of thinking.

[Val-light]

Hi Andy,
You're an inspiration!

[Dan]

I create my problem and I can learn, with help, to stop creating the problem.

That's keeping it simple my friend.
Thanks for sharing Andy.