Surreal feeling after being sober for two weeks
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 256
Surreal feeling after being sober for two weeks
Has anyone experienced a sudden feeling of things being surreal in the early stages of recovery and you begin questioning what you have been doing with your life and what drove you to start drinking in the first place? Almost as though you look back and ask yourself: did I really harm myself this way?
I'm in a tricky stage right now because I recently left my job to basically start over fresh and get myself organized to pursue a new career path. Right now I'm kind of in limbo waiting to know whether the job I am chasing after I will get full time, and I'm trying to use this time where I'm not employed full time and newly sober to create the life that I have wanted. I'm 22 which means that naturally I am at the time in my life where I am trying to figure everything out and create a good life.
I guess I am starting to reflect now after not having a drink in over two weeks why I went back to drinking in the first place after being sober for about 2.5 years. At one point I was even chasing after pain pills or other opiates (I used to use regularly) if I could get them but luckily I never ended up using those and creating more problems. I guess I ask myself why someone who had a decent job would purposely sabotage their life like I did.
It started with me going back to an eating disorder which I have dealt with, because I was feeling depressed and I guess that I began to use the pain of an eating disorder or addiction as a means to deal with the pain inside me. And then eventually I decided to take that first drink in 2.5 years and then everything snowballed. I used to have a serious eating disorder in high school (anorexia / bulimia), but I overcame it. The only reason I decided to go back to it was because I guess I felt it was a way to deal with things. Once I started drinking I forgot about that. It was all a choice, it wasn't as though I was trapped in the cycle of an eating disorder like I used to be, I chose to begin sabotaging my life again and then here I am now, a half a year later and two weeks sober.
I think one of the root causes of everything is not being satisfied with my life. Four years ago I lost two close family members in the span of a few months which basically through my entire life into disarray. I always say I've never been the same since.
Just venting. Trying to sort through everything and move forward rather than pick up a drink and have to start all over again. I guess maybe the fact that I am questioning all this is a sign that I am starting to heal and move forward?
I'm in a tricky stage right now because I recently left my job to basically start over fresh and get myself organized to pursue a new career path. Right now I'm kind of in limbo waiting to know whether the job I am chasing after I will get full time, and I'm trying to use this time where I'm not employed full time and newly sober to create the life that I have wanted. I'm 22 which means that naturally I am at the time in my life where I am trying to figure everything out and create a good life.
I guess I am starting to reflect now after not having a drink in over two weeks why I went back to drinking in the first place after being sober for about 2.5 years. At one point I was even chasing after pain pills or other opiates (I used to use regularly) if I could get them but luckily I never ended up using those and creating more problems. I guess I ask myself why someone who had a decent job would purposely sabotage their life like I did.
It started with me going back to an eating disorder which I have dealt with, because I was feeling depressed and I guess that I began to use the pain of an eating disorder or addiction as a means to deal with the pain inside me. And then eventually I decided to take that first drink in 2.5 years and then everything snowballed. I used to have a serious eating disorder in high school (anorexia / bulimia), but I overcame it. The only reason I decided to go back to it was because I guess I felt it was a way to deal with things. Once I started drinking I forgot about that. It was all a choice, it wasn't as though I was trapped in the cycle of an eating disorder like I used to be, I chose to begin sabotaging my life again and then here I am now, a half a year later and two weeks sober.
I think one of the root causes of everything is not being satisfied with my life. Four years ago I lost two close family members in the span of a few months which basically through my entire life into disarray. I always say I've never been the same since.
Just venting. Trying to sort through everything and move forward rather than pick up a drink and have to start all over again. I guess maybe the fact that I am questioning all this is a sign that I am starting to heal and move forward?
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
It's totally normal to have a lot of ups and downs, especially early in sobriety treeguy. Sounds to me like you are trying to pile way too much on at once...take things a few at time when you can. You are incredibly young too, some people wait until their 40s or 50s or even older to "figure things out"...so cut yourself a little slack ;-)
Have you ever thought about sharing some of this with a counselor? You could very well have some issues to work through - especially depression and the eating disorderd. Both are very treatable conditions so don't feel that you can't ever figure them out.
Have you ever thought about sharing some of this with a counselor? You could very well have some issues to work through - especially depression and the eating disorderd. Both are very treatable conditions so don't feel that you can't ever figure them out.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 256
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI 
It's totally normal to have a lot of ups and downs, especially early in sobriety treeguy. Sounds to me like you are trying to pile way too much on at once...take things a few at time when you can. You are incredibly young too, some people wait until their 40s or 50s or even older to "figure things out"...so cut yourself a little slack ;-)
Have you ever thought about sharing some of this with a counselor? You could very well have some issues to work through - especially depression and the eating disorderd. Both are very treatable conditions so don't feel that you can't ever figure them out.
Have you ever thought about sharing some of this with a counselor? You could very well have some issues to work through - especially depression and the eating disorderd. Both are very treatable conditions so don't feel that you can't ever figure them out.
The problem with me lol is that I am very fast paced. It's hard for me to just chill out and go with the flow. I consider myself ambitious and I want to be going all the time. I hate not having a direct path. So yes I do get hard on myself because I am envisioning the life I want and want to get there now.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,414
Hi treeguy
I understand being driven...but I've also learned the value of patience and knowing how much to bite off and how hard to chew.
You're 22 - you have your life ahead of you and time enough for whatever dreams you might have
At 2 weeks I was trying desperately not only to stay sober but to feel something like human, so you're streets ahead already
Once I felt better, I used this time to learn how to deal with things in a healthy positive no substance assisted way....
I didn't have much to show for it materially, but I credit that time with me still being sober now
D
I understand being driven...but I've also learned the value of patience and knowing how much to bite off and how hard to chew.
You're 22 - you have your life ahead of you and time enough for whatever dreams you might have
At 2 weeks I was trying desperately not only to stay sober but to feel something like human, so you're streets ahead already
Once I felt better, I used this time to learn how to deal with things in a healthy positive no substance assisted way....
I didn't have much to show for it materially, but I credit that time with me still being sober now
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 256
I guess the reason I'm rushing things is because if things are stagnant and I feel de-motivated and that makes me tempted to drink. Like right now for instance I feel terrible, and I really want to drink to not deal with anything because until I know what's going on I feel like I'm not going anywhere.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North East, USA
Posts: 704
Congrats on your time. You are as Scott said, incredibly young, good for you for figuring out that you want yo be sober.
I think it's important to remember that drinking, drugging, shopping, gambling, eating, not eating, binging/purging, sex are all addictions. It seems as though you have kind of had a pattern of switching one out for the other a bit. I think counseling would help you tremendously. It always helped me.
If you are go go go...then keep busy doing what makes you happy during this time off.
I wish I had the energy I had at 22 again 😉
Good luck with the job!
Jules
I think it's important to remember that drinking, drugging, shopping, gambling, eating, not eating, binging/purging, sex are all addictions. It seems as though you have kind of had a pattern of switching one out for the other a bit. I think counseling would help you tremendously. It always helped me.
If you are go go go...then keep busy doing what makes you happy during this time off.
I wish I had the energy I had at 22 again 😉
Good luck with the job!
Jules
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,414
I get that it feels like you're not doing anything, you feel stagnant and you want to be better right now.
Can you also see how your addiction is feeding off that tho?
Like I said I had to learn patience. I had to accept I didn't end up an alcoholic in a day, a week or even a month...so I had to accept it would take a little time for mind and body to heal.
If you want to feel productive why you wait on this job why not do some volunteering in your community?
D
Can you also see how your addiction is feeding off that tho?
Like I said I had to learn patience. I had to accept I didn't end up an alcoholic in a day, a week or even a month...so I had to accept it would take a little time for mind and body to heal.
If you want to feel productive why you wait on this job why not do some volunteering in your community?
D
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
