SoberOtter

Today is day 5. I've tried AA before, and I want to try it again..but I tend to pick fights with the program in my head. I find fault with people at meetings and convince myself it's a sick cult before even giving it a chance.

This time, I'm thinking about waiting to go to meetings until I'm about 30 days in. I want to have a clear head, so that if something bugs me in a meeting, maybe I can shake it off and not get so rattled.

Any tips for making it 30 days without a meeting? I plan to take it one day at a time and post here, for now. Thanks all and enjoy a sober Saturday.

candie

AA doesn't work for everyone, me included.I'm trying SMART now, n it fits better for me

JeffreyAK

That was my thought, are there alternatives to AA nearby? I never did shake those kinds of feelings, and was much better off not using AA at all (I went to a lot of Lifering meetings instead).

Maudcat

There are many recovery programs besides AA.
Trick is to find one nearby, as they are not as ubiquitous as AA.
Lifering, Refuge Recovery, SMART are a few.
AA isn't for everyone.
Good luck.

soberandhonest

My tip is not to white knuckle it for 30 days in an effort to make it there. Sit down and write out a recovery plan. There are a whole lot of things you can include in a plan that do not include AA or do not include any kind of face-to-face meeting, such as exercise, meditation, on-line chats, daily affirmations, and more. For me, personally, exercise has been the very best single thing that I do to stay sober.

Maudcat

Good idea, soberandhonest!

ScottFromWI

My guess is that your "fight picking" in your head is simply your addiction trying to find an excuse to keep you drinking. And if can pick a fight with anyone or anything, regardless of whether it's at an AA meeting or not. Perhaps instead of fighting with that voice, explore the reasons you want to try it again - there must be something you found helpful. I think spending time here is a great idea too, you can learn about many recovery programs and those who parcipate.

Also remember that people in recovery are not perfect, and that is not specific to any recovery program. No matter where you go in life you will invariably find people that you don't agree with.

hellrzr

Exactly what Scott said.

Your mind is looking for all the differences between you and the program and everyone who follows it. Your head wants you to run for the hills as soon as possible and isolate yourself so you can validate all the reasons you "need" to drink to feel better. Your head is sick and you need people who know better to give you direction for awhile. That's what a good sponsor will do, they will help you reason through things and figure stuff out until you have been sober enough to think straight again. It's important to get in and start working the program as soon as possible!

Another thing that will happens is say you do meet your goal of not drinking for 30 days. Then your head will tell you that you certainly don't need those nuts in AA or any help that you are just fine and surely enough you will drink again. This is a pattern that so many people go through it's pathetic. I would highly recommend attending AA meetings right away and finding a good sponsor to work with.

August252015

I agree with Scott; I am a devoted AA er after YEARS of railing against it and citing every reason it wouldn't work (except the God thing, since I was already a believer; I mostly just rejected x or y because "it wouldn't work for me" - whatever!).

I'd also suggest the opposite of what you are thinking about doing: commit to 30/30 or even better 90/90. By committing to that many meetings (I think I did about 82 in 90), a few things happen- you brain has a real chance to start sobering up and thinking much more clearly; you can sit and "take in" and not have to say anything and many people find "AA starts to make sense"; you are creating a plan for sobriety. The slogans and even the Serenity Prayer bugged the stew out of me at first, and even for awhile, so you can let whatever makes sense stick and keep going- you don't have to like it, take it all in, or agree....you just keep not drinking and give yourself a chance.

If that doesn't work, say, because you keep finding fault - maybe it is what Scott says and like many of us, your AV is very strong and fiercey wants to keep you on a carousel...and/or maybe you should try/add other plans.

My "total pkg" for sobriety is AA/God first, a psych and a good med regimen, serious service commitment, health and self-care, and only allowing good, positive people in my sphere, period.

You can get sober a lot of ways- you just have to want to more than you want to drink. The decision is ALWAYS yours.

NYCDoglvr

I had what's called "the gift of desperation" when I stopped drinking and went to AA. Alcoholics are by nature defiant with enormous self will, a reason few stay sober. I'd go back to AA now and decided to take suggestions (find a wise sponsor), stop listening to the thinking that got you drunk. I wouldn't be sober without the fellowship that carried me through the enormous pain I felt.
Somehow I don't think it works to substitute daily drinking with nothing.

tursiops999

Hi SoberOtter

You may want to check out the AVRT threads in the Secular forum, for another option, along with the other good suggestions here. And there's a ton of info and resources on SR for putting together your own plan.

I had a lot of questions and objections in AA as well. I did stick with it my first year, worked the steps, and stayed sober. Now I am using other tools that fit better for me.

Whatever approach one chooses, I would say the common denominator to success is not picking up a drink. I learned over time that objecting to a method is not the same as objecting to sobriety... the choice isn't AA or drink, it's AA or another approach. If the voice in my head says "this method isn't working for me", I listen. If the voice says "I don't really have a problem, I could probably drink again if I'm just more careful" --- i dont listen to that voice any longer.

Bunny211

AA is not for everyone. There are alternatives. HOwever, AA works for me. On a pretty regular basis I rail against it and find a million reasons why I should stop going. At the end of the day though, I need AA, but AA doesn't need me. I keep coming back. I don't suggest that you do this on your own for 30 days until your head clears. Our diseases make us isolate....it's easier to kill us that way...split us off from the herd. I suggest you attend a meeting of some sort. If AA is in your area, why not AA? You can always leave at a later date if it is not your cup of tea. I do think, that early on, finding a group of people to whom you can be accountable can only help.

Delizadee

I couldn't stay sober without being able to interact with other sober people.
No matter what you choose as part of your recovery plan, living alone in your head trying to think past staying sober each day is kind of a torturous place to be.
I know for me it was true. I walked through 6 weeks of zero face to face support and I really wanted to just die.

AA was not for me for a long time either. But really I just didn't want to be alone, just counseling wasn't working anymore, and there were no other kinds of support groups anywhere near me.

Do what feels right to you. Don't mess with the wrong side of your head though- drinking is not right. Period.

DayTrader

If you can clear your head, stop drinking and fix what's wrong in your life without AA, you definitely don't need AA. The AA program of recovery is for people who want to do that stuff but can't.

SoberOtter

Thanks everyone for your replies. I still haven't gone to a meeting; still also not drinking. Someone said I must getting something out of AA when I went before. That made me think. I think I'm looking for peer support, sober friends, a community of sorts. That's why I'm still ready to try it, hopefully soon.

AAPJ

Easy to find fault with AA. AA is composed of a bunch of drunks who are tired of being that way. What is really amazing is that it even functions at all. But function it does.

Lots of screwed up people there. So what? We don't join because we got a presidential award. It's much more common to arrive there because of certain driving "awards" provided by the court system.

What helped me to best understand and accept this was a comment from a crusty old timer early in my recovery:

If you hate everyone in AA then you have a problem.

If you like everyone in AA then you haven't been to enough AA meetings.

fini

SoberOtter,

lots of people go to AA for those very reasons.
fellowship.
that is quite a different thing, though, from the suggested program, which is the twelve steps.
if you read the BB, you will see that fellowship is much appreciated but not the suggested way to get recovered.
just clarifying the distinction.

ScottFromWI

I don't think I've heard that one before but I really like it! You could apply the same logic to a lot of things in life I think.

Ken33xx

With regards to AA take what you need and leave the rest if necessary. Look for what you have in common with others instead of looking for what is wrong with the program.

True some groups have a cult-like flavor. However, if you sick around you'll find not everyone is going to hit you over the head with the BB if you have reservations about the HP.