Whodathunk

Wife is out of town. I just straightened up a little, including the kitchen, and just emptied three partial wine bottles, (two of the big boy's, like a liter, or whatever). As I was draining the first one, 1/2 of a bottle, into the sink, all I could think about was how in my slow gradual descent, which was gradually accelerating to a free fall till I finally hit "my bottom", I would have been able to chug that baby out of the bottle in under 30 seconds easily.

Crazy the things we could do, still do, are capable of doing again.

Believe it or not, this was a good experience for me.

Also, I am pretty much the grocery shopper and wine buyer, and I have NO problems walking down the beer/wine section of the grocery store, or going into the liquor store to buy wine. I long ago had to realize that one of the things I heard in AA was not sustainable for me, which was to avoid all places that served booze, the top of the list being liquor stores.

That just is not practical for me, and I had to just face this. These days, I kind of feel good about myself being able to pour out leftover wine, and grab a few bottles of wine to purchase for my wife.

The weird thing is periodically seeing people from my AA home group in the grocery store and catching them looking in my basket and seeing the wine. I am sure that they think I am 'one of those' who says they are sober and aren't. But maybe they are able to have a broader perspective and take into account that life takes over and some of us have to face handling and buying booze.

Thanks, I kind of needed to get that out of my system!

ScottFromWI

That's great to hear Whodathunk. I also agree that it's not realistic to avoid 100% exposure to alcohol in our lives, but it's still a good idea to be mindful of the temptation - as you have also recognized. That part of our brains that wants to chug the rest of the bottle never really goes away for good, but we can keep it at bay by being aware that it's still there.

MicroMacro

Or maybe not. Broad-mindedness isn't for everyone.

Are you doing everyone's judging for them?

Isn't it odd that when we (some of us) feel we're being judged negatively for something - we don't stop doing it, but we wish for approval all the same?

I JUST WANT TO BE ACCEPTED BY EVERYBODY! It's not socially acceptable to think this. We're taught that - even though we're supposed to fit in - we're also supposed to maintain a sense of individuality and be proud of it whether others agree with us or not. Our decisions put us at odds with others sometimes. Listen to others or listen to self? The internal tug-of-war is ongoing.

Who on earth would pass up an opportunity for the feeling of being approved of by everyone they know? It's never going to happen.



Best!

Doug39

My wife still drinks everyday so I am always around liquor. She has a bad hip so I usually go into the store to buy her beer. The other night we were out and I had to make the trips up to the bar to get her drinks.

I am completely comfortable around liquor and buying and holding liquor. I do not want to drink - I do not want to repeat that hell I was in getting off the booze.

Whodathunk

MicroMacro, I think you misread what I wrote, or maybe I misunderstood what I was writing. I actually don't 'think' (but could be wrong) that I do anyones judging for them. In fact, I tend to give very little advice to people these days (except my children if they express the need), even still, I try to re-tell my experiences versus shuffling out advice, since experiences are authentic and not simply words.

These days I truly tend to my side of the street and try to keep my part of the sidewalk clean. If it is not in my control it is not my issue or problem, and this philosophy that I learned in AA has helped me tremendously.

So no, to answer you question, I don't judge others nor do I do others judging. Just not my cup of tea. Maybe something I said indicated this to not be true, but that is not who I am. I have enough to do in keeping my head clear, my thoughts clean, and making sure that I don't drink today.

And neither could I give a crap about others approval or what others think of me. That has not always been the case though, which was a big part of my problem of drinking. The day I decided to go to the nearest AA meeting, which is in my neighborhood, where the odds would be good that I would see people I might know (which happened), was the day that I quickly started shedding that layer of me that I wanted people to think was me, but it wasn't me. I was a drunk, one more drink away from not being able to climb out of that rabbit hole, and going to that meeting was the beginning of taking care of me, not worrying about others think, and putting front and center my selfish need to no longer drink. But it took quite a few tries.

But I am not judging you, LOL, I am simply correcting what you might have thought, based on what I wrote that might have read exactly the way you read it, but it was not how I wished it to be heard. But I truly respect how others read, hear and take things. We are all individuals. I would not want it any other way!

MsCooterBrown

Wow Whoda...
"And neither could I give a crap about others approval or what others think of me. That has not always been the case though, which was a big part of my problem of drinking."

Just what I said my own words on another post. I think some of us get here to the state we are in because it is number one priority to be the one to make everyone happy...Not something others do for us. I should just speak for myself. It is a hard act to follow!!! Now I am in the who cares what you think mode....because being in charge of making everyone happy was akin to being a CEO of the world.

MsCooterBrown

I am a post picker. Don't address the whole message...only address what jumps out at me. All of it is a good point.

Whodathunk

Lol, 'post picker'. I like that. I refer now to that little saying you have under your messages....could not agree more!!!

Maudcat

I was a bottle a day wine drinker, though bourbon was my beverage of choice.
After being sober for a while, I came to see that I really didn't like wine at all! It tastes yucky.
Obviously, I wasn't drinking it for the taste.

MsCooterBrown

Maudcat...I doubt any of us do. Not sure it is acquired either!!! My dad used to shoot a dropper of Cod Liver Oil down my throat every day. I hated the smell and the taste of that cr@p. He may have been the one to show me it isn't the taste...it is what it does for you! Yeah...Let's blame it on my dad!!

Whodathunk

I did not particularly like the 'taste' of wine, beer or any other alcoholic drink, but I loved where it took me. Which is the very reason why I have never had a cigarette, tried coke or any other illegal drug, since I am quite certain that as a very compulsive person, I would have no control, consume all that I had in my supply, then repeat my alcoholic behavior of doing whatever I needed to do to get more.

ThatWasTheOldMe

There are no invisible forces that will put a bottle to your lips. That's all you, my friend.

Whodathunk

TWTOMe, respectfully, I don't agree with you. I know for a fact that there are invisible forces that will put a bottle to my lips. I saw it last time that I did. I am not to blame for the last one.

ScottFromWI

I struggle with comprehending this concept. If there are forces beyond your control that can "make" you drink, how do you not drink? Or do you just assume that there will be times that you will drink because you have no say in the matter?

I'm not trying to be confrontational, just genuinely confused. It's possible i'm just reading what you said incorrectly too.

Whodathunk

You read correctly, but my tongue was planted firmly in my cheek. I was a little snarky commenting to a comment that was not really relative (I thought) to what I was saying. In chicken parlance, "I was just yoking...". Actually I am quite tired and might have remembered the comment incorrectly. It has been a long day.

But no, if I drink it was nobody else's fault. Drinking (to me is my choice), but particular to me, that choice is log gone after I take that first sip, then I am out of control. Still that first sip WAS my choice.

ScottFromWI

No worries...it's been a long day for me too, just wanted to make sure I wasn't losing my marbles either.. ;-)

Whodathunk

I am missing a few. Please message me if they roll your way!

Cow

This reminding me of episode of Intervention where Candy say about how one alcoholic was at particular risk cuz she had relapse more than few times, so now: "relapse was part of her story."

... Well, that pierce through me. Cuz I has rely on that "story" lot of times to keep drinking. Is same for "after first sip is no stop me." Which I also make part of my story, so that give me license to go nuts anytime I slip.

For me, I has to make very focus effort to retract this story, otherwise I gonna be doom to repeat it.

Doug39

For many years I played the game of going to wineries and doing "wine tasting". But I was never a connoisseur of wines - I was a drunk looking to get buzzed.

MsCooterBrown

I lost my marbles....just to chime in....