xStargazer

Guys I've screwed up this isn't good. I'm like three bottles of wine and a few shots deep. I decided this was my last drunk so I've gone stupid. I need this to be my last drunk.

What is wrong with me. Oh my God Oh my God Oh My God oh my God oh my God. If this isn't the last time I'm doomed

xStargazer

I'm just going to keep posting to remind myself that I'm coherent and I'm going to try to build up hope that despite the fact that tomorrow will be miserable, it technically will also be a great day.

sonkien

I wish you luck in withdrawing. My symptoms were a lot worse after quoting after a large binge, versus my usual amount. I hope your experience is different.

AlaskaGirl

Near the end when a few friends witnessed my last binges they told me that I was still high functioning, even though I was in a total blackout. If it hadn't been for the blankness in my eyes they wouldn't have known I was so messed up.

Coherent and smashed out of your mind is scary. We will be here for you tomorrow.

Delilah1

Welcome Stargazer,

Glad you are joining us. You can check in for day one tomorrow on the 24 hour thread, you may also want to join the January 2017 class.

Like others have said withdrawals can be dangerous. Don't hesitate to go to the doctor tomorrow if you are not feeling well. They can help you get through the initial withdrawal, and also offer suggestions for local supports to help you stay sober.

xStargazer

Pre-Quit Update.

I've been in and out of alcohol induced sleep all night. I have saved half a bottle of wine for the tapering process and I have a little bit of weed to keep from seizing. I'm going to drink the rest of this bottle by 10am my time, and then start dealing with the residual withdrawal.

Thanks for the support everyone.

xStargazer

Lol. Keeping this interactive journal is gonna be fun, cuz then I can remember how dumb I've been. Forgot to eat yesterday. Gonna go get Mc Donald's out of a dead sleep I guess lol.

ChloeRose63

Prayers for you. Please consider a medical detox if you are planning on sleeping for 72 hours. Your body will need fluids, electrolytes and nutrients. An IV will give your body what it needs and you will be monitored for seizures which could be fatal. It's a easy as calling 911 if you can't get to an ER. I have been there before so I know what detoxing can do.

Dee74

Hi xstargazer

I had a very bad home alone detox.

I can't make you do it, but I think seeing a Dr would be a safer more effective and better way to go than half a bottle of wine and some weed.

whatever you decide , I wish you well.

D

PhoenixJ

SG- Yep- I will be here. Your true self has not given up- the is for me- my spark of life. What that means, where it will take me- how I get there I am not entirely sure. I do know something is worth the fight. The true me- the true you. The decision not to drink is carried into action. Be us Einstein or a mental rock- the simple concept is not to drink alcohol. For me the simplicity of that is so very hard- because I make it hard. I argue, fight, kick, scream, challenge, shout, blame and avoid. It all stems from that. I am here, you are here- we are all on this crap road together. In that there is strength, the warped absurdity of the disease is the wisdom of that simple idea not to drink. From this- so much more is possible.
Keep to your plan and not drink anymore. Having brains can be your enemy. Keep is simple. Share, see a doctor- even if you think you know it all. Write in simple block letters- even though you have Nobel thoughts. Keep posting- get f-f everyday support through AA or whatever. Good on you, good on us.
Prayers to you (and me). PJ.

Dor67

[QUOTE=xStargazer;6290579]I have decided to quit tomorrow. I rue the fact that I'm going to drink today because I already feel miserable but I need it so that I can hold myself together long enough to make it through a movie with my family that I completely forgot about.

My whole body feels like it's on the moon. This is the worst my alcoholism has ever gotten. I need food but I feel too sick to eat.

What I really need is a bottle of wine.

Anyways okay. So I'm going to quit tomorrow, and this is going to be my stomping grounds. You will all be privy to exactly what happens throughout the withdrawal process. I figured maybe this would help me stay committed to it.

Anyways... Stay tuned

Hi there

I'm doing this with you. Have tried to cut down from 2 bottles of wine to one over past couple of weeks but it's not working so today I will stop completely 😱

Would you mind if I ask you how much you have been drinking and for how long?

We can do this 😁😁

ScottFromWI

Take it from another person who's ended up in rhe ER xstargazer, there's an easier and safer way to go about this. Seizures and other bad side effects are possible even when "tapering" and "some weed" is not a safe way to stave them off. I'm guessing your last hurrah will make things even more difficult, please seek help.

ChloeRose63

I don't know about anyone else following this thread but, I am really scared. I keep reliving my worst detox nightmares and they were life threatening. I was literally on the edge....I called my parents to take me to an inpatient detox because I really believed that I had gone too far and it was the end. I did not want to die. My parents had already lost my sister to cancer...I realized how selfish I was to put them in so much pain but, I did not want to die. I needed help.

Zebra1275

I second the opinion to get some medical assistance for your detox.

ChloeRose63

I pray you are listening, xStargazer

tomsteve

"So why do I drink ?
"What is wrong with me. "

im thinkin the answer to both is youre an alcoholic with untreated alcoholism.
the good news is there IS a solution.

theres no shame in reaching out for medical help with the detox.

after that theres no shame in reaching out for help with the mental detox.

entropy1964

Hi Star
Hope you didn't pick up more wine with the Mc-y D's.

I was an English major too...back in the 80's. So we have at least two things in common. Oh and denial....when I'm drinking there's that one. And when I'm not. Seems it goes with my territory.

So...hows it going?

SWTPEA61

Xstargazer
Its called PAWS post alcoholic withdrawal syndrome........its different for everyone.....for me I had alot of physical symptoms.....sweats, lethargy, gastrointestinal problems, lose of appetite, long nights of sleeping with trouble waking up. It lasted just about 65 days.
Journal everything so that you can go back and see how bad it was and how you will never go back there again.

xStargazer

Update:
Awake and hating it. If I have to go to the hospital I will. I'm just letting everyone know.

The most prominent feature I have right now are chills, but it's not cold. I am in my bed, with a heated laptop on my lap now, and am freezing but when I put on a sweater, I start sweating. Imagine that lol.

I like typing, because it's so much easier than writing. I have to be relatively accurate and that's it. As long as I push the button correctly it won't be chicken scratch. Easy enough.

Trying to respond to everyone without having to go back through and quote mine here let's see.

Gatorade is an IV fluid right? I hope so cuz it will double as my life blood if the puking starts.

I actually do wanna rein in the sarcasm for one second to say that I actually do deeply appreciate all of you who just met me and are already concerned about me. The world needs more selfless love like that.

I did not go pick up more wine with the McDonald's haha. No Liquor stores were open and I already have some to keep me from getting too sick.

And that actually is relatively profound. Why is a concept so simple as "don't pick up the first drink," so freaking baffling to me? I already can tell just by reading that sentence your logic is spot on Phoenix. The solution is actually so simple and right under my nose. I just need to get better at putting it into practice.

I drink between 1 and 3 bottles of wine a day, plus some hard alcohol in there here and there. That is for Dor. Stoked to hear you're quitting too! It's gonna be tough, and I'm kinda scared but something's gotta give. We Can do it!

Okay so full blown update.

The Alcohol hasn't ran out yet. When it does my plan is to roll over and go back to bed to see if I can beat that insane thought we all have once we start. "Just one more." At least I know enough about alcoholism now to know that I'm only fooling myself if I think I'll ever be able to have just one drink.

I know it's weird. But at this point I want the alcohol to run out, and I want my past decisions to come back and haunt me now so that I can just deal with my mistakes and move on. I actually feel ready. It's kind of an amazing feeling. Being twitchy and nauseous and stupid and sweaty is gonna suck but it needs to happen.

I'm using the wine symptomatically. I only have 40 minutes left until the deadline I was planning on quitting at so it looks like I may be a drinker for a few hours longer than I hoped. I'm not gonna chuck perfectly good wine down the drain.

I know it's so backwards, but I don't know how this is gonna go, and a glass of Cabernet may actually end up saving my life.

So weird.

Anyways thanks for the support everyone! I'll update shortly.

thomas11

Just read this whole thread, I think your in for a tough couple days, but I know you'll get through it. Don't dig your hole any deeper, its time to put an end to the madness. Agree?