MissMac2

After two months, I relapsed. I am so disappointed in myself. I was at a friend's wedding and said "I'll just have a glass of champagne"... well we all know where that goes. One turns to several and before I knew it I was on a 5 day bender with horrible stomach cramps.
Back on the wagon day 3 today and thank god I'm not having horrible withdrawal symptoms.
I don't EVER want to do this again. I realize now how much control it has over me.
How do you guys cope with social situations that you can't really avoid going to? Weddings, family holidays(especially without having to explain you're an alcoholic) I am determined but I still have fear with Christmas sneaking up...

entropy1964

Hey Miss. Great job on day 3.

The most important thing for me is Acceptance. I can never drink again. I also try to do this one day at a time. Thinking about 'never' or 'forever' doesn't really work for me. I get the desire to do that, but what does it really matter? Today is all I have anyway.

I try to have a plan for social events. Think through the evening, make sure I have no 'reservations' about not drinking. If I feel sketchy or uncomfortable I don't go. And I practice a formal recovery program. For me just not drinking isn't enough.

Maudcat

One day at a time works for me. In early sobriety, I avoided, whenever I could, places and events that might encourage me to have just one. One thing I had to come to terms with, which is much the same as Fricka's comment about acceptance, was that I was not a "normal" drinker. That once I started, game over. I desperately wanted to seem in control in my early sobriety. Now, I have let go of that idea. I cannot drink alcohol. End of story.

Doug39

Weddings are brutal for a recovering alcoholic.

Today I am 38 days sober after 27 years of daily drinking.

In 2013 I did quit drinking for 4 months. During those 4 months I had a heavily booze soaked wedding reception to attend.

I dreaded going for weeks. On the day of the reception I drove my wife and her friend. Pretty much everybody at the party got wasted. I got bored listening to the drunken babbling.

My wife and her friend were pretty tanked up when we left; and of course they wanted to go barhopping. It was close to midnight when we got to a bar that had a band and it was packed with drunken people. I nursed a Coke and sat quietly aggravated as I watched my drunken wife and her drunken friend make fools of themselves harmlessly flirting with guys 25 years younger than them.

When I finally got them out of the bar we went to my wife's friends house - they wanted to continue drinking there but I said no way. My wife wanted to stop at another bar on the way home but I refused.

In my drinking days I would have been right along with them and foolishly driving drunk as well.

Anyways it is tough to deal with drinkers on a regular basis; my wife still drinks everyday and on the weekends she drinks from 11am to bedtime.

I just try to stay strong and do my thing. I do not want to drink anymore and I know I cannot control anyone else's drinking.

doggonecarl

There are very few social situations where you ABSOLUTELY must go to them. You may be defining them as "unavoidable" or you are attributing someone's perceived notion of your attendance as "unavoidable."

Let me ask you, did you ever miss a social situation because of your drinking? Then you can miss them for your sobriety.

Lastly, you don't have to avoid them forever. You just have to avoid situations of extreme temptation in early recovery.

tomls

what is considered early recovery?

biminiblue

I don't know - you'll have to make that determination for yourself.

I think if there is any doubt in your mind, you don't go.

I didn't usually avoid things (events or places) in early days, but I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I wasn't going to pick up a drink - so places weren't going to cause me to drink and if I'd thought they would I wouldn't have gone.

I do have a couple sort of "rules" of engagement. I don't go to events that are strictly about drinking such as wine tastings or parties that aren't centered around something else. If it's just a party for the sake of a party - like a Christmas party? I pass on those unless there is going to be some huge food spread. I also take my own transportation to all events where there is going to be alcohol. I like to leave at the first signs of loud, obnoxious drunk behavior by anyone.

BrendaChenowyth

I think there is a thread or maybe more than one about what is considered early recovery.. yes, because I do believe it triggered me and I said "Why does that matter??" which was wrong. lol

I am just over 100 days. Early by anyone's definition. Some say first five years is early recovery. I feel it's relative to years/decades spent in the addiction.

But when we talk about it, we ARE talking about chronological time.

Can you have a complete personal transformation, maturing in leaps and bounds on every level, on your way to becoming actualized, in shorter than five years? Unequivocally, yes, you can. Not everybody will. Many will spend each waking minute focused on [not] drinking.

Doug39

Recovery is recovery.

Since my wife still drinks everyday I was in a bar a few days after I quit drinking 38 days ago. I have even gone to the store by myself to buy her beer.

Next Friday we have a Christmas party to go to; they are all heavy drinkers and it will get pretty boring pretty quick for me once everyone is liquored up.

I was in these situations in 2013 when I quit drinking for 4 months and it was torture because back then I didn't really want to quit; I had started an anxiety medication and I couldn't drink with the meds.

This time I really want to quit drinking and have no desires or craving. I shouldn't have any problems except wanting to get the hell out of there.

BrendaChenowyth

These situations are like more self-abuse almost.. like flirting with fire.. I think.

So I still live in a house where alcohol is present, I mean the way normal people have it, it just sits there. I wasn't tempted because it was just a part of the backdrop, it's just there. Like the Klondike bars in the downstairs freezer, I don't want the calories in ice cream badly enough that I'm gonna walk myself down there and get one. Actually, there are some Whole Fruit bars in there.. mmm, I could go for that. See?

However, I don't cross the street and walk in to the bar, Mom wouldn't ask me to go pick her up some Firefly moonshine and Dad wouldn't ask me to grab him a case of Coors Light. Because they don't care if they have it or not, and are perfectly capable of getting it themselves, but also because they know I have or had an addiction.

And if they did ask me??? Heck to the NO. This is not like asking me to drive you to the doctor's office. I take care of myself first, and I am not going to go there, to try and test myself, because I respect myself!

The only exposure I had that I couldn't avoid was a month in, I took a client to a family wedding, and alcohol was not only all around me, it was in my hand, I had to hold my clients big heavy glass of wine her niece brought her lol Can I just tell you it smelled WONDERFUL? I had the safety buffer of being on the clock though. Take safety buffers away and send me in to a place to purchase alcohol? I don't think so.

August252015

Miss Mac- glad you are here.

What is your plan to stay sober this time? When I finally started AA in Feb, beginning my recovery was my only focus and stuff like social situations and almost anything besides my health we're way down the line of my concern. A lot of stuff we think we have to handle, we just....don't....and I didn't do anything or spend time with anyone that did not support my effforts.

Hope to see you around.

PhoenixJ

The bottom line for me is the really obvious one- the coice is mine, it was either to stop drinking or die. Drastic sounding - started off thinking I was a social drinker.

waynetheking

I think you're heading on you're thread is all wrong.."failure"???
I think it should be "lucky "
Let me explain. Lucky your sobering back up. Lucky you realize how bad you're alcoholism has become. Lucky you still have friends that invite you to weddings.
Yes youre lucky in many ways, NOT a failure. Just keep trying.

Social settings are difficult at early sobriety. Given enough time, it will never bother or temp you again. You will look forward to going to these events sober without wanting a drink. Trust me. Just give it time.