silentrun

Yesterday I was standing around with some of my fellow employees talking about trick or treating. The older of us were reliving past experiences and I (yes I was the one who went there) said that my neighborhood was fun because people really got into it and even handed out beers and shots to the adults.

Immediately the AV spoke up and said "you should be able to have a few drinks like a NORMAL person" and then "your going to end up drinking sooner or later anyway".

I AM normal! I am 48 years old and the majority of adults don't even drink at all. How in the hell is me not drinking somehow equated with me not being NORMAL? It's a distinction only the pretzel logic of the AV could draw. I then remembered a thread I participated on where we all had the opportunity to watch a relapse happen first hand. They guy threw out just about every argument the AV has ever tried on me. The one that stuck out to me was when he said he wanted to have a drink once in awhile like a NORMAL person. I was still getting my butt kicked by the whirling eddy of emotional trauma but I was far enough into it to realize it would in fact end if I could just hold on a little longer. When he said that with 7 years in I was completely floored that he had made it out and was using the NORMAL excuse to get sucked back in.

I pulled up the thread and just scanned over it. Later I am going to go through it post by post and get this insane idea but to rest. It is a great thread and some really insightful people contributed to it. Well worth a looksie if you haven't seen it. I wanted to bump it but didn't know if that was appropriate (it's that good).

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rinking-9.html

*I mean that I am normal in that I don't have a problems associated with alcohol...the rest is up for debate

BrendaChenowyth

You said most adults don't even drink, and I just realized how true that is. Kids drink, and beyond a certain age you lose interest in it, unless you go through a divorce and start going out to singles nights to meet people, other than that you just do it at parties, unless you have to drive and you're totally cool if that's the case. And in between you don't think about it. UNLESS... dot dot dot, we know the rest lol

I'm 31 and just recently got out of that foolish thinking that I had to drink to fit in. I am not going to fit in if I drink, that's actually the most surefire way to see that I do not ever fit in anywhere... SMH! But I'm okay with that!

silentrun

If you want to fit in don't drink. When I was drinking I really thought most people drank. Nope!

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/...will-tell-you/

30% of adults don't drink at all and the next 30% drink less than one per week. Having a glass of wine per night actually puts a person in the top 30%.

BrendaChenowyth

I think it's probably different in other countries where a glass of wine is a dinner table staple, and kids are allowed to have it in the home with parents permission at any age! We have this forbidden attraction until we are 21 and then we can go out and join this fun new world! Bull****.

LadyBlue0527

I think that our perception is skewed because we surround ourselves with others like us.

I call it ABR or addict buddy radar. When I was drinking I could spot a potential new friend to be all the way across a room just by her actions. Then, like a magnet, I would migrate over to her and start talking. Soon we had traded numbers and already had plans to get together soon to do the unmentionable. Rinse and repeat, that's how the alcoholic network is built.

Once you get away from it and start building a sober network you find out that there are more people who can take it or leave it.

LadyBlue0527

This too! The milestones of growing up were always getting our license and reaching the age where it's legal to drink in a bar. It's a sign of being grown up. No wonder we have the problems we do in this country.

ardy

funny was just having this same conversation with old friend from the 1980's..... normal.. how did we loose the normal.. what is normal... when I was little when my kids were little ... before for Ed had his major accident and had to have 900 mg of morphine twice a day.. and then everything that was crazy became normal. testing Ivan at the turn of the clock.. checking for sugar high or low... trying to keep Barry and Melly in a normal pattern of being little guys with a sick big brother.. having a husband scream at you that its your fault the kiddo is sick.. and then divorce. and the house burns and the money runs out before you can even have it wave once in awhile.. and then someone you trusted with everything tries to kill you in your car... and life stops once again.. normal.. getting Mom to sit in a car to have the car engine turn on and she has to get out out out.. to find a new job. to have a car and then someone dies and you are back to what is normal.. nothing not a thing.. work. new job ... kids in college.... lights are on.. food in the house. lots of kids living with you and the house and life is a spin of so many at dinner.. normal.. no one can say this is normal. for even what they have is not normal.... ...... Sunday Dinner fall 1959 the house is a bussle of people and laughter and cards and beer and tv and the ball game.. ladies in the kitchen.. best linen on table and china and silver.. cake and candles and birthday wishes all the way around for my Pop is now 29 ..... 1959 Sunday... stop hold very still can you feel it just for a moment... normal.. everyone is happy.. stop hold it tight ... don't let it go for a second...hold your breath.. its slipping.. its moving.. Time is Fleeting... We start to loose control..... can you hear it the big clock in the hall is striking the hour... its gone exhale.. normal... but we had it just for a moment .. didn't we .. just for a moment of pretend.. Sunday Oct 1959.... and like dust it has blown away... normal.... 1:32pm afternoon Oct 26 2016... at work. typing this Jeff has just left the room mail ready to go out. rain its so wet.. normal.. just for a little while yet.. and then its gone and a new normal has to take its place.. sorry all.... normal... what is Normal... not a thing.. its just another form of lets pretend for a minute.. I am in... with laughter and light and pumpkins and candy and now Iam the 66 year old Great Aunt that holds tight to every bit of news from the younger Moms and little kids.. normal.. love to you all and so many prayers.. no pretend there just my normal to all of you.. ardy

silentrun

Great post Ardy.

dancook99

Wow the top 10% account for half the sales of alcohol. So I guess its in the interest of these alcohol manufactures to keep people sick and use their financial power to block any attempt to legislate sales by government. (thats if it would work anyway)

dancook99

i remember doing a survey at university and 50% of students barely drank, i couldnt believe it. I drank 3 times the top bracket...

HelenofTroy

What an interesting and eye-opening article. Thanks for sharing!

I'm not so sure about this. Following this logic would mean that there aren't problems with alcoholism in countries where alcohol is more integrated into child rearing, but that clearly isn't the case. It is the old nature vs nurture argument. I believe both play a factor but ultimately some folks are more prone to it than others.

tursiops999

silentrun, nice post and thanks for linking to that other thread -- it was a good read! Not to call out the other thread's originator too much, but it was yet another good illustration of the AV, and where the AV would take me if I chose to follow it. I recognized a lot of the phrases in that thread as thoughts my own AV has posed --- interesting how "un-unique" one's AV can be!

Totally agree with you on the "Normal" thing. My siblings drink like I used to, and most of my acquaintances did too, so it was easy to think that's normal. Now that I'm a non-drinker, I see fellow non-drinkers at every turn. For 8 years I've attended an annual business luncheon with about 20 colleagues, where wine and champagne are always served. I always thought everybody drank a few glasses. The last couple years I've noticed that most people (at least half) didn't drink anything, and the remainder sipped ceremonially at one glass and didn't even finish it. Maybe one person had two glasses. I just literally could not see that when I was drinking.

SoberLeigh

Thanks, silentrun.

As always, I find your thoughts, insights and contributions so valuable.

sleepie

Hi SR even if it weren't true.... Nothin' wrong with being "abnormal"... you'd still have plenty good company!

BrendaChenowyth

HelenOfTroy... I'm sure it exists everywhere, it is the oldest addiction, as they say... I do think in America there is more of a cultural emphasis on it. Make something a forbidden fruit...

Sober'sBest

Only about 7% of US are alcoholics. . . We 7% are not 'normal'!

For me sober is 'normal'.

LadyBlue0527

You know, this thread made me think about the day that I realized that I wasn't normal. I had done so well surrounding myself with drinking buddies that I really had no clue that people's usual intent was not to get annihilated. Everyone I drank with drank the same way I did.

Years ago at my place of work I put in for my typical day off that I took every year, the day after the Superbowl. It always falls on a Sunday and it's always a big party so I knew there would be no way I was going to work the next day. A male coworker asked why I was taking the day off and I said "Who wants to come in with a pounding head and feeling like they're going to throw up and have to work all day?". He paused for a minute, this guy was not a jerk, he did go out for drinks once in a while and he's a really nice guy. He says to me "Wow, I've never heard of someone having to plan for a hangover". It really grabbed my attention and made me think about it. Did that stop me? No, but in future years if asked it was "I'm going to have a boatload of people at my house and I want the day to put it all back in order".

I think that was the first time that I truly realized that everyone's mindset was not the same as mine with alcohol. Didn't stop me though.

silentrun

Dang you must have a force field around thumbs up button. I tried hitting it and it makes my screen flip up to the beginning of the thread.

Sober'sBest

It also just flips me to the top. . . I don't recall it ever working.

So I'll post my Thumb's Up here for the FINE POSTS that the site wouldn't let me before!

Thank you all!

hypnohotshot

The people who have come to me as a counselor/hypnotherapist in the past 20 years are in two categories, those who know alcohol/addiction is the problem, and those who think it is something else. then there are the remainder, who do have different issues. Of those with a substance problem, approximately 90% have it in blood relatives. Of those who don't have a problem, 90% don't have it in blood relatives. (My intake includes questions for a genotype in this area). It is blindingly obvious that, apart from any other factors that may contribute, genetics and biochemistry play a huge role in vulnerability to this illness, disease, condition, syndrome or process, however one wishes to label it.

We are indeed in this respect, and for many in no other respect, different or "abnormal". Best wishes. Brian