Mags1

Many, many times, too many to count. I think they started when my drinking got heavier.

Thank goodness those days are over.

I'm so grateful for sobriety, MM.

joshlyman

At least once a week for 3 years. Some were longer than others, some were more destructive than others, but they always left me feeling horrible the next morning. Full of shame, guilt, embarrassment. I was beginning to lose my mind. I couldn't remember if "memories" I was having were real, a dream, or made up. I began to fill in the blanks of my blackouts with all sorts of horrible scenarios.

Definitely not a way to live.

theVman31

Yes. they started early real early. Ive been in drunk tanks, hospital ER rooms, handcuffed, spent nights on the side of the motorway, I drove from the north of France to Amsterdam to buy drugs and back and didnt remember, I destroyed my wifes best friends wedding, i crashed 4 diffrent cars... I better stop. As i got older seemed to become alergic to alcohol even a few molecules... never remember anything now. It was just the way it was. Im leaving that behind now. A Beautiful day is starting here and im going to spend it with my wife and daughter. Glad to be alive. Glad to have you guys... Vinny.

CajunPrincess

Blackouts happened frequently for me...almost every time I drank. It was normal to me. Thought it was the same as just a regular person being drunk. A lot of times, to an outsider, I would appear to be normal or just a little tipsy, but in reality I was far far gone. Used to try to piece together what happened/what I said/who did what to me, but it'll drive you crazy. Had to stop dwelling on it eventually

Berrybean

I don't *think* I had many blackouts. But then, my partner would say that now and he drinks to blackout every Friday Saturday and Sunday. He can't remember from one minute to the next what happened or what he said or did. As it rarely ends in drama he convinces himself that it's only occasionally that he drinks to blackout. I just check for my own knowledge of if it's worth talking to him at all or if it's time to skedaddle off so I don't have to listen to his ramblings. Last night I gave him a pie to eat. He ate it and I took his plate away. When I returned (a minute or so later) I asked "How was your burger. Okay?" He replied that it was nice. I had a little smile to myself which he must have clocked, and then he laughed and said "Ahhh. I wasn't a burger was it? I see what you did there." I asked him if he remembered what he'd eaten and he laughed and said no. Sometimes that can back fire and he can get shirty when he can't remember stuff. Especially if he thinks he's done something to upset me, and then he's all defensive and snarky.

Last weekend he went away for a weekend and when he returned he asked if I'd missed him. Of course, I said yes. But the truth is, mentally he goes away every weekend. Last weekend it was quite nice to not have someone stumble-bumming around the house, making a mess and turning the tv and music up extra loud. He just doesn't realise that.

I used to drink the same as him. Chances are I did drink to blackout more often than I realised, but there were no smarsearse sober people lurking about the house pointing it out to me. I was allowed to remember my own version of events and fill in the blanks or not as I chose to.

Fluffer

Ahh, drug binges, handcuffs, misadventures, wrecking parties, OD-ing, being robbed at knifepoint, waking up with strangers. I hear you V-Man. Definitely better off enjoying the day with the daughter and wifey. Have a beautiful day.

Madmills

I have for sure had my share of blackouts. Some due to mixing too much booze with other meds I was taking - particularly benzos - but mainly because of the volume I drink due to lacking an off switch when I drink. I could go in to particular instances like hospital visits after falling down, drunk tank visits, brushes with the law, making a dick out of myself countless times for years, etc. - but honestly, I really hate not knowing what I did or said and how depressed and crappy I feel the day (s) after. I can't take the guilt that is accompanied by a night of heavy use and having to avoid folks I may or may not have interacted with. I also hate the feeling of looking through my online bank statements to see exactly where I went to piece together the story. It was cute when I was a kid and my friends would bring up a funny story I couldn't remember - but I am a man now and was doing these things by myself. Not healthy.
I feel like something out there has given me plenty of chances to turn things around and if I don't take advantage of one of the opportunities to love life and enjoy sobriety, it may be too late sooner than later. Many of us are lucky we got home safe and unscathed and didn't hurt anyone. Very lucky.

Bunny211

Yes. They happened frequently when I first began drinking - as a teenager and in college. Happened probably every couple of months when I was drinking at parties and clubs as a kid. Less so as the years went on and my alcoholism spiraled out of control. At my bottom - never. I never had blackouts anymore. Kind of ironic.

themissus

Plenty of brownouts, but experienced my first blackout this year at age 36. Scary as hell.

Bird615

16 or 17.
They were regular, even when I relapsed many years later up until the last time I drank.

Loekken

Oh yeah, many times. I think mine started around age 25 and continued to reoccur over the years. I'm sometimes wondering how they didn't cause more/actual brain damage.

NYCDoglvr

I consistently blacked out and missed the 1980's. My best friend knows my story better than I do, lol. Congrats on the anniversary!

feeling-good

GetMeOut - I can totally relate... I hung myself in blackout; I had already phoned for an ambulance and the police came round and 'cut me down' and I was taken to hospital, put into an induced coma and spent five weeks in-patient. I had -one- more drink when I was discharged. By the grace of god, I have not drank since and that was nearly four years ago.

To be honest, I think I was in and out of blackout for several weeks / months in the lead up to that event - I still really struggle to remember much from that time in my life. My alcoholism was 'at its worst' during that time and I was fortunate to survive it. I hadn't regularly suffered from blackouts before then.

RainingDogs

All the time. Started when I started binge drinking heavily as a teenager.

Can someone explain the difference between "blackout" and "brownout" that I've seen used here a bit? I've noticed that I've experienced memory loss lots of times, but with two distinct patterns of drinking and behaviour. I'm wondering if maybe those are the words I'm looking for?

NoelleR

Blackouts can generally be divided into 2 categories, "en bloc" blackouts and "fragmentary" blackouts.

En bloc blackouts are classified by the inability to later recall any memories from the intoxication period, even when prompted. These blackouts are characterized also by the ability to easily recall things that have occurred within the last 2 minutes, yet being unable to recall anything prior to this period. As such, a person experiencing an en bloc blackout may not appear to be doing so, as they can carry on conversations or even manage to accomplish difficult feats.

Fragmentary blackouts are characterized by a person having the ability to recall certain events from an intoxicated period, and yet being unaware that other memories are missing until reminded of the existence of those 'gaps' in memory. Research indicates that such fragmentary blackouts, also known as brownouts, are far more common than en bloc blackouts.

Although the above is factual, my friends and I, who had blackouts; we all had en bloc blackouts....nothing like waking up and having to call down to the hotel/motel desk for a newspaper to figure out in what city you are.......................

(o:

RainingDogs

Thanks for the information. That's interesting. And the t pretty much mirrors what I experienced.

When I was younger and more of a binge drinker I would get frequent "party" blackouts. The ones you see parodied on sitcoms and movies where I got sloppy drunk and made a complete fool of myself and passed out in the stairwell/kitchen/wherever. The ones where it's *really* obvious that I was drunk. These would be a good few hours maybe and pretty patchy.

But when I moved into drinking all day, every day I ended up losing entire days or afternoons and evenings where I was doing everyday life things like making dinner, doing laundry, vacuuming the floor, except when I was tried to think back I realized that I couldn't actually remember the day. It was really embarrassing when my partner and I would watch the climax of some tv show or movie, have a discussion about it, and then I was surprised to see it watched on Netflix the next day but couldn't remember a damn thing about it.

It's some scary stuff.

And those are hotel room experiences sound terrifying.

stargazer016

I never got crazy like not remembering an entire night, but I got to the point where I could never recall conversations I had with the wife. It really angered her, but she never realized the extent of my drinking, even today. I appeared sober most of the time, but apparently was not processing anything in my brain. I can't remember a lot movies I have seen or books I read.

I am glad to be creating new memories now.

anonimuser

My first blackout happened when I was 16.
That night I drank around 2 l of beer combined with 0.5 l of Vodka.

After that incident, my blackouts happened occasionally until I've stopped drinking when I was 19.

Then I've started to lead a healthier life with balanced diet and constant workout regime.
It felt good to not drink alcohol at all to actually know what you were doing previous night.

Unfortunately I did relapse several times.

The worst blackout was two years ago when I've relapsed and got in several fights with a 2 different group of people and surprisingly beat them all.
People said that I've pulled out some kickbox moves which I was practicing alone in my spare times by watching youtube.
I still don't know how I've managed to pull that out.

Venecia

All of these recollections serve as a good reminder why rebuilding lives via sobriety and recovery enriches us on so many levels.

I'd just like to add one note, though, especially if there are newcomers reading or people who've not yet signed up for SR but are thinking they may need help with an alcohol or drug problem.

Please know this: You can have a bona fide drinking problem -- e.g., alcoholism -- without having blackouts or fragmentary ones. I was an alcoholic -- no ands, ifs or buts -- but never had a blackout. Please don't think that the absence of blackouts somehow equates a lesser problem.

Ionray

Same here. My wife didn't know about all the bottle hiding and secret drinking I'd been doing. We'd go to a party and the next day she'd mention a name of someone. I'd say, "Oh were they there?" And she'd roll her eyes and say, "Um, yeah. You talked to them. For like half an hour." That was always hard to explain away.

And many nights, after the wife and kids were in bed, I'd queue up a movie I'd wanted to watch and out came the bottle. Next thing I knew, I'd wake up in the morning (or, towards the end, at 3 or 4 am, heart racing in withdrawal) upstairs in bed, no recollection of anything about the movie or having even gone to bed. And then the creeping terror of, "Did I put everything away, or is there an empty vodka bottle sitting on the coffee table?". And then the mad rush to get downstairs before anyone else.

Ah, alcohol. Such good times...