Big Life Changes Support Group Part 4
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
hey everybody!
I haven't even had a chance to catch up on this thread but I just want to let you all know that my husband had a heart attack and will be having triple bypass surgery today.
Your prayers and good thoughts are requested.
Thank you all for being here.
I haven't even had a chance to catch up on this thread but I just want to let you all know that my husband had a heart attack and will be having triple bypass surgery today.
Your prayers and good thoughts are requested.
Thank you all for being here.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Categorizing, labeling, naming things is one thing. Generalizations are broad statements, sweeping statements. Two very different things really. I don't thing they're along the same lines at all.
The language of psychology or the language of philosophy, giving names to concepts, processes, disorders, systems, phenomena ... all very useful and helpful ways of thinking and organizing and communicating to one another. It is really the only way to communicate. We must name things in order to understand one another (linguistics).
So, here are some generalizations...
Men don't wanna be friends with women (they really want sex).
People from the southern US are racist and stupid.
Florida is warmer than New York.
Dark clouds in the sky mean rain is coming.
Relapse is part of recovery.
Are any of these useful? Are they dangerous? Are they descriptive statements or normative? Descriptive would be statements of fact. Normative are statements of judgement or implication.
It's fairly helpful for me to consider rain when I see dark clouds. It's smart to consider relapse might happen when I'm getting sober (so I'd better prepare for the pitfalls). I might out to pack appropriately for my vacation to Florida.
On the other hand, what about the first two generalizations?
It would be easy for me, personally, to conclude that men don't want to be friends with me based on my personal experience with them. But, someone else's experiences are very different than mine (we discussed this recently, I believe Fantail and I had the conversation about guys as friends), and it would be a shame for me to expect all men to respond this way. All people are unique individuals, yes, but we share so much in common as humans. It's tempting to make generalizations about people, and yet we love to assume we're all so wonderfully unique and the exception to the rules. 
So, can generalizations be useful? Sure. Just be careful where you allow them to take you...
The language of psychology or the language of philosophy, giving names to concepts, processes, disorders, systems, phenomena ... all very useful and helpful ways of thinking and organizing and communicating to one another. It is really the only way to communicate. We must name things in order to understand one another (linguistics).
So, here are some generalizations...
Men don't wanna be friends with women (they really want sex).
People from the southern US are racist and stupid.
Florida is warmer than New York.
Dark clouds in the sky mean rain is coming.
Relapse is part of recovery.
Are any of these useful? Are they dangerous? Are they descriptive statements or normative? Descriptive would be statements of fact. Normative are statements of judgement or implication.
It's fairly helpful for me to consider rain when I see dark clouds. It's smart to consider relapse might happen when I'm getting sober (so I'd better prepare for the pitfalls). I might out to pack appropriately for my vacation to Florida.
On the other hand, what about the first two generalizations?
It would be easy for me, personally, to conclude that men don't want to be friends with me based on my personal experience with them. But, someone else's experiences are very different than mine (we discussed this recently, I believe Fantail and I had the conversation about guys as friends), and it would be a shame for me to expect all men to respond this way. All people are unique individuals, yes, but we share so much in common as humans. It's tempting to make generalizations about people, and yet we love to assume we're all so wonderfully unique and the exception to the rules. So, can generalizations be useful? Sure. Just be careful where you allow them to take you...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,653
Rose- prayers to your husband and you. Please take care of yourself- really basic HALTS stuff, yes? A terribly stressful time for you and your family. Just remember looking after yourself is equally important to everyone as it is you looking after them.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,653
SoberPot's- words have power. How one perceives their intent is I guess an anchor point. Day Cart was onto some good stuff. That is where booze craps up the whole scene (man). Consider though- the label alcoholic. Definitions exist- physiological, mental health wise etc. Useful . If a person has bad experiences with an alcoholic, will they not transfer this label to other alcie's as a survival mechanism? A generalisation. Human instinct- when I feel threatened I take a defensive position. Also useful- do no harm- myself first, then others. So long as words are applied with a humanistic perspective- they are useful, I agree. PeeJay
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,197
Sorry to hear your news Rose. Very best wishes to your husband, I do hear of really good recoveries from these operations so fingers crossed for him and you
A while ago (I am way behind) Suze posted a pic of Hippo Citroën - i am pretty sure it is a restaurant, or at least it was in the 90's. Citroën the auto manufacturer was named after its founder, a Dutchman called Andre Citron. He changed his name to Citroën as his own name translated to Lemon in French and he guessed (probably correctly) that no one would buy a car called a Lemon. He designed the Traction-Avant himself, a prewar masterpiece
A while ago (I am way behind) Suze posted a pic of Hippo Citroën - i am pretty sure it is a restaurant, or at least it was in the 90's. Citroën the auto manufacturer was named after its founder, a Dutchman called Andre Citron. He changed his name to Citroën as his own name translated to Lemon in French and he guessed (probably correctly) that no one would buy a car called a Lemon. He designed the Traction-Avant himself, a prewar masterpiece
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Sorry to hear about your husband, Rose. I hold a special place in my heart for people on SR who struggle with life's unfortunate and often heartbreaking circumstances. I wish you and your husband the very best.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Well ... I've determined my problem. I haven't been willing to embrace suffering as much as I could've. I haven't developed discipline enough in order to plow through some of the obstacles in my life, ironically, which were small things compared to the actual life events that were thrust upon without my consent.
That's it in a nutshell.
I wanted life to be beautiful and it's just not. Not often, anyway. Not often enough, maybe. Beauty's there but it's often swallowed up.
That's it in a nutshell.
I wanted life to be beautiful and it's just not. Not often, anyway. Not often enough, maybe. Beauty's there but it's often swallowed up.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
I grabbed a book from my mom's library years ago ... instinctively feeling it might a hold a key to some things in my life one day. It was Scott Peck's The Road Less Traveled. I grabbed a very old edition of Walt Whitman's Leaves of Grass as well.
I started reading Peck yesterday.
How stupid that I tossed it aside for more than 20 years thinking it was going to be nonsense hogwash similar to Dianetics or something.
I started reading Peck yesterday.
How stupid that I tossed it aside for more than 20 years thinking it was going to be nonsense hogwash similar to Dianetics or something.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,653
Suffering tempers the soul. I seem able Sobp to deal with very big stuff. Sucks, but do it. It is the small bits. Getting annoyed at that annoying bast..d, then becoming more annoyed at myself for being a whiney girly man. Getting peeved at trivial, pointless crap. God preserve us, I could fill endless days with complaining about the absurdity of people, myself especially. Then I launch my lateral humour on myself when I am thinking with my brain muscle and stuff don't seem so bad.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,653
Big life changes- a little bit every day. Been doin' painting to learn and grow about the stuff around my last year. Today was serious beginning to stitch the fabric painting (in cut out shapes) onto the burns garment. Being tutored by professional artist/tailor re stitching. Professional quality stuff. So today I learnt- have completed 3 paintings on my life changing experiences over the last year. Showing from NDE/pain etc to progressive healing and growth. Began this week thinking of a 4th. Today sitting quietly - no enough- move on with art stuff, no need any more to focus on the year that has been. I also learnt I can stitch well- so a new skill, which took 90 minutes to do about 6 inches. I am very careful and also the unforgiving nature of the burns garment. So concentration- I have it. Also I sat for 90 minutes- patience, I can do that. Lastly to listen to my body. Began feeling pain from sitting, burns. Time to stop, stretch, do more later. So learning persistence and consistency. All very important skills to have in recovery. AND it is a lovely day.
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