Big Life Changes Support Group Part 4
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Originally Posted by PhoenixJ 
How do I feel? Sad, lonely, to a certain extent abandoned- put in the too hard basket. My dad was an Anglican priest- a Canon. The ex is from a VERY strict catholic upbringing Wedding was co- solemnised by him and the catholic guy (got the bishop's ok). 200 guests. Make a solemn vow before SO's, god and the law. In sickness.. or worse... So I did and still do take such things very, very seriously.
So questioning that side of things is part of my let go stuff. Every body has their breaking point. Forgiveness for lack of a better word. I also feel scared. First time in my life been alone. Miss my sons (adults). Part of that recovery stuff- time. Patience. NO MORE BOOZE (nearly 9 months up). So as per usual- every thing is better, but seems a lot harder than when I was young and trusted the world. BUT- I still have all my own teeth.
So questioning that side of things is part of my let go stuff. Every body has their breaking point. Forgiveness for lack of a better word. I also feel scared. First time in my life been alone. Miss my sons (adults). Part of that recovery stuff- time. Patience. NO MORE BOOZE (nearly 9 months up). So as per usual- every thing is better, but seems a lot harder than when I was young and trusted the world. BUT- I still have all my own teeth.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
I'd like to get some thoughts on MFA Creative Writing vs MA English Lit. It's true that I'm going back to become a better creative writer (and I don't need a degree or to pay thousands of dollars to do this) as well as for other reasons: increase my knowledge and background in literature, the accomplishment of the degree itself, to make connections, to discipline myself and have that workshop environment in which to work/write, to test the waters and see if I like teaching/presenting, to do research in an area that interests me, to increase my income and job prospects, to make myself more attractive to clients as a freelancer/small biz owner, and I am really darn good at reading, reading comprehension, analysis, and the skills required to excel in this program.
At this point, I'm heavily leaning toward Eng Lit over Creative Writing, and that's because I want the literature background. Simple as that.
I intend to continue writing short stories and then a novel at some point, once I feel ready to attempt the longer length (one of my stories is actually novella length, so I'm certain I can do it).
Over the past few days, I did some soul-searching and have realized, again, that I must continue with what I love, and that's not law. And as much as I love studying and reading psychology and philosophy, those subjects are fascinating and are dear to my heart and mind and always will be, they permeate my writing, and that's why I studied them, to satisfy my own curiosity. The big questions in life and the human mind and behavior are always present in good writing. Even John Gardner suggests young writers to consider studying psychology and philosophy (as well as working as rural carriers, lol), and so apparently, I was on the path from the beginning. He must've worked for the PO back before they treated their employees like crap, though, I must say. Can't say I didn't try, lol. My experience is beginning to parallel Bukowski's more so than Gardner's. And that's not a good thing, lol.
Well, it seems I've answered my own question. I think I'll focus on narrowing down the schools I can apply to for English Literature.
And in the meantime, there's always NanoWrimo, and I can make some connections there with other creative writers. It's a better bet than book clubs, I think.
I will also start looking into some of the more affordable writer retreats.
I'm aiming for a minimum of 165 on the verbal section of the GRE. I'm studying via three apps and have one book.
I still occasionally volunteer at the women's shelter, and have just received an email to update my availability. I think I will become a regular there again, because I'm now considering grant writing as an alternative to the blog writing and proofreading for income. People make careers out of grant writing, and since I already have this connection with a Nonprofit, I'm seeing some opportunity further down the road. Also hoping that one of my contacts there might write me a letter of recommendation.
At this point, I'm heavily leaning toward Eng Lit over Creative Writing, and that's because I want the literature background. Simple as that.
I intend to continue writing short stories and then a novel at some point, once I feel ready to attempt the longer length (one of my stories is actually novella length, so I'm certain I can do it).
Over the past few days, I did some soul-searching and have realized, again, that I must continue with what I love, and that's not law. And as much as I love studying and reading psychology and philosophy, those subjects are fascinating and are dear to my heart and mind and always will be, they permeate my writing, and that's why I studied them, to satisfy my own curiosity. The big questions in life and the human mind and behavior are always present in good writing. Even John Gardner suggests young writers to consider studying psychology and philosophy (as well as working as rural carriers, lol), and so apparently, I was on the path from the beginning. He must've worked for the PO back before they treated their employees like crap, though, I must say. Can't say I didn't try, lol. My experience is beginning to parallel Bukowski's more so than Gardner's. And that's not a good thing, lol.
Well, it seems I've answered my own question. I think I'll focus on narrowing down the schools I can apply to for English Literature.
And in the meantime, there's always NanoWrimo, and I can make some connections there with other creative writers. It's a better bet than book clubs, I think.
I will also start looking into some of the more affordable writer retreats.
I'm aiming for a minimum of 165 on the verbal section of the GRE. I'm studying via three apps and have one book.
I still occasionally volunteer at the women's shelter, and have just received an email to update my availability. I think I will become a regular there again, because I'm now considering grant writing as an alternative to the blog writing and proofreading for income. People make careers out of grant writing, and since I already have this connection with a Nonprofit, I'm seeing some opportunity further down the road. Also hoping that one of my contacts there might write me a letter of recommendation.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Originally Posted by Soberpotamus
I still occasionally volunteer at the women's shelter, and have just received an email to update my availability. I think I will become a regular there again, because I'm now considering grant writing as an alternative to the blog writing and proofreading for income. People make careers out of grant writing, and since I already have this connection with a Nonprofit, I'm seeing some opportunity further down the road. Also hoping that one of my contacts there might write me a letter of recommendation.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
I think it depends on your goals. You have to look at maybe 18 months of classes and having less time to work during those months. Plus, there is the cost of the courses. But, having a Masters in EngLit would open some doors for you. You said you don't like the idea of teaching, but that's an obvious follow-on. If it was me, I'd be looking at publishing/editing. That would be a dream job for me. I think you might be interested in marketing where great writing skills would come into play. I think you need to have an idea of where you want the education to take you and to be sure that financially you can manage. Where do you see the degree taking you?
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
If I look at this financially, I will talk myself out of it.
When I was ready to tackle the whole jaw surgery thing, I walked in there and walked out the same day with braces on my teeth and a signed contract in my hand. I had to rearrange things and change insurance companies, and trust that somehow it would work out. The insurance ended up paying 100% of my surgery. We paid for the braces ourselves, by monthly payments, tax-free through my husband's workplace, with some sort of account through his retirement system online. Anyway, the point being, it all worked out after I took the step toward what I wanted (after having talked myself out of it for ten years).
I feel that I could talk myself out of school with all sorts of fears and reasons why it won't pay off, or why I don't have the money, or the time, or whatever... but I also feel that if I don't act now while I really want this, and believe I can do it, then when will be the right time?
Another thing, is that some of these programs offer assistantships. They waive tuition and sometimes pay stipends in return for research and teaching.
I have an ideal job situation where I make money from my blog writing and from delivering mail on Saturdays. I can continue writing for my clients throughout school. I had planned to do this all along. I was going to add on the proofreading for more money. At some point, the mail delivery might conflict and I'd have to be willing to let that go. I want to look into grant writing as well. So that's three income sources that will work with school.
Where do I see it taking me? Like I said, I'm interested in grant writing as a career. Also willing to consider teaching, whether that's English Comp, Lit, or ESL. Journalism also interests me. Publishing/editing doesn't appeal to me so much. I'd rather write than edit, to be honest.
When I was ready to tackle the whole jaw surgery thing, I walked in there and walked out the same day with braces on my teeth and a signed contract in my hand. I had to rearrange things and change insurance companies, and trust that somehow it would work out. The insurance ended up paying 100% of my surgery. We paid for the braces ourselves, by monthly payments, tax-free through my husband's workplace, with some sort of account through his retirement system online. Anyway, the point being, it all worked out after I took the step toward what I wanted (after having talked myself out of it for ten years).
I feel that I could talk myself out of school with all sorts of fears and reasons why it won't pay off, or why I don't have the money, or the time, or whatever... but I also feel that if I don't act now while I really want this, and believe I can do it, then when will be the right time?
Another thing, is that some of these programs offer assistantships. They waive tuition and sometimes pay stipends in return for research and teaching.
I have an ideal job situation where I make money from my blog writing and from delivering mail on Saturdays. I can continue writing for my clients throughout school. I had planned to do this all along. I was going to add on the proofreading for more money. At some point, the mail delivery might conflict and I'd have to be willing to let that go. I want to look into grant writing as well. So that's three income sources that will work with school.
Where do I see it taking me? Like I said, I'm interested in grant writing as a career. Also willing to consider teaching, whether that's English Comp, Lit, or ESL. Journalism also interests me. Publishing/editing doesn't appeal to me so much. I'd rather write than edit, to be honest.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Hi Jennie.
It's not advice, and it certainly doesn't guarantee anything. If you're not excited about what you're doing or what you're becoming, then it may simply not be what you want. Or what you need.
Just something to think about.
It's not advice, and it certainly doesn't guarantee anything. If you're not excited about what you're doing or what you're becoming, then it may simply not be what you want. Or what you need.
Just something to think about.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Yeah, I agree with all you said. You have an opportunity in time to make this happen and it's something that you've talked about for a long time. I agree 100% with your story about the surgery cost. The education will be costly but as long you believe it's worth it, that's all that matters. You have two great sources of income and those two jobs give you a reasonable amount of freedom. You have the rest of your life ahead of you, and I think you will regret it if you don't do this. Will your marriage get in the way of this, financially or any other way?
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
The marriage is a stressor. It will add to the stress for sure.
What I'm thinking is since there's no time constraint at all, and I can pretty much decide on school whenever, that I'll give myself a year to prep and study for the GRE because I need to re-learn some math. On the other hand, my age and experience is an asset for the verbal section because of all the reading I've done over the years. So I have the opportunity to score remarkably well on that section of the test. I am going to focus on learning even more vocab. I have a great memory and capacity to store new info and words. I will use it to my advantage.
I will spend the next year preparing for the exam and getting my 20-page critical essay written and edited. And maybe take a few undergrad literature classes so that I can make some contacts within the department in hopes of getting a letter of rec from one of the profs.
So, one letter from the nonprofit and one letter from an English prof. Don't know about the third yet. I might ask the president of the builder group I worked for a few years ago. I don't like him but he let me know he'd always be willing to be a reference.
The marriage is shaky; we'll either be better off a year from now (if he'll accompany me to therapy again), or we'll be closer to splitting up if not completely split.
What I'm thinking is since there's no time constraint at all, and I can pretty much decide on school whenever, that I'll give myself a year to prep and study for the GRE because I need to re-learn some math. On the other hand, my age and experience is an asset for the verbal section because of all the reading I've done over the years. So I have the opportunity to score remarkably well on that section of the test. I am going to focus on learning even more vocab. I have a great memory and capacity to store new info and words. I will use it to my advantage.
I will spend the next year preparing for the exam and getting my 20-page critical essay written and edited. And maybe take a few undergrad literature classes so that I can make some contacts within the department in hopes of getting a letter of rec from one of the profs.
So, one letter from the nonprofit and one letter from an English prof. Don't know about the third yet. I might ask the president of the builder group I worked for a few years ago. I don't like him but he let me know he'd always be willing to be a reference.
The marriage is shaky; we'll either be better off a year from now (if he'll accompany me to therapy again), or we'll be closer to splitting up if not completely split.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Thanks, y'all. You put up with hearing the mess in my head, the doubts, fears, and second-guessing. I appreciate this space and those who care to comment. Otherwise, it's kinda just me, myself, and I echoing in this head chamber, lol.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,663
Just got back to the bat cave and reading posts. Apparently there is actually a world that exists outside my peripheral vision.. SP- that is a lot of thinking. It seems you are moving in an affirmed direction. Sometimes it is a matter of balance for me- thinking you show that with your head space. Thank you for the shares.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,733
This has been a rough week. I'm not adjusting well to the new schedule for my family. Work is ok, but it's work. I had visions of stepping back into my big "career" and finding all sorts of fulfillment and purpose. Hasn't happened. It's a job. And the adjustment's been tough for me. I'm beyond exhausted and haven't had time to get more than 1 run in. My kids have been great and don't seem to notice much different, I guess bc their dad is picking them up when I used to but it's killing me. And it's hit me that soon I'll be sharing custody so I'll have them only half the time. I am terrified- absolutely terrified. I had anxiety yesterday like I haven' t had in a while. I am absolutely overwhelmed. I have a pretty big support group of people and a lot of people are saying supportive things to me but I am really scared here. I think I've had too many life changes all at once. I didn't sleep at all last night I was up with anxiety.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 1,972
Originally Posted by Duffster
This has been a rough week. I'm not adjusting well to the new schedule for my family. Work is ok, but it's work. I had visions of stepping back into my big "career" and finding all sorts of fulfillment and purpose. Hasn't happened. It's a job. And the adjustment's been tough for me. I'm beyond exhausted and haven't had time to get more than 1 run in. My kids have been great and don't seem to notice much different, I guess bc their dad is picking them up when I used to but it's killing me. And it's hit me that soon I'll be sharing custody so I'll have them only half the time. I am terrified- absolutely terrified. I had anxiety yesterday like I haven' t had in a while. I am absolutely overwhelmed. I have a pretty big support group of people and a lot of people are saying supportive things to me but I am really scared here. I think I've had too many life changes all at once. I didn't sleep at all last night I was up with anxiety.
The sense of fulfillment in my career took a long time, but it came on gradually as the months passed and I started to accomplish things and increase my skills. So, give that some time too.
But you are right that at the end of the day, it is a job, not your life. Having that perspective will be helpful to you in navigating the uglier side of working, like office politics and dealing with people with outsized egos.I have no advice for dealing with the shared custody issue. I don't even have kids. Hopefully, you and your husband will be able to work that out in a way you are comfortable with as well.
I do know you will adjust better and more quickly to your new situation sober than if you drink.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,663
Duffs- words that call out plainly. Exhausted, overwhelmed, anxiety, terrified, life change. Thankyou for your post. I understand all of those emotions and the thoughts I get. For me? Firstly -I tell myself- stay safe. Do not do anything that will compromise my physical (and any one else's) safety. Like looking at the ground focused on problem x- and getting run over by a bus. Do not drive etc. Most importantly I remind myself- drinking will make everything worse. Whatever I do - no drinking. Then the HALTS bit- followed up by the concentrate on breathing until the brain fog lifts a little. Also get help- talking, sharing, a meeting. Email a friend, call a friend. Talk to a priest, sponsor, god, the cat. I also remind myself the moment of extreme anxiety will pass. Perhaps I need to see a counsellor or my doctor? Eliminate physical reasons such as anaemia. Sleep?- I am sure you know all the stuff- quiet room, not eat 9 tons of food, limit coffee blah. Overly tired is just as dangerous as being drunk with thinking etc. Relaxing is another- a hot bath-I remind myself to eat. With all the stuff you are going through- what I do is prioritise.
My overwhelming stuff was near homelessness (thus physical safety), my health, money, divorce, no family support after very bad physical trauma- so finding support. I remind myself not to try and change everything at once. Everything takes time- so patience, support, time and coping daily are very important.
I had a full blood screen taken, did a depression check and now am on antid-'s which help a bit. Slow and steady.
You are not alone. Change is scary. Keep sharing here. SR people listen. PJ
My overwhelming stuff was near homelessness (thus physical safety), my health, money, divorce, no family support after very bad physical trauma- so finding support. I remind myself not to try and change everything at once. Everything takes time- so patience, support, time and coping daily are very important.
I had a full blood screen taken, did a depression check and now am on antid-'s which help a bit. Slow and steady.
You are not alone. Change is scary. Keep sharing here. SR people listen. PJ
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Duffster, it's been less than a week. I know it must be terribly hard right now to adjust, but I'm sure in time, you will begin to feel you've got your career back and not just a job. It must be overwhelming right now.
How long have you been sober?
How long have you been sober?
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