Abigmess

Hi all I'm 29 I've been hospitalised 3 times for alcohol withdrawal after heavy week long plus binges. The first time I was 19 then again at 23 and again last year. After the second time I didn't drink for about three years I've been drinking again for about 3 years . I try not to drink every day but generally I would say I drink about 5 or 6 days a week. When I drink I can't control how much I drink I have black outs frequently and just last night I got into a fight with a stranger and don't remember it at all thankfully no one was seriously hurt. My fiancée is so worried about me I hate how I'm hurting her. I try to stop drinking all the time and to moderate how much I drink but I can't seem to last more than a week or two without thinking I'm ok and I just needed a short break. I no I need to stop my family wants me to stop my fiancée wants me to stop or moderate but I just can't seem to do it. I don't believe in a higher power I believe in personal choice please help me choose a good life and to stop drinking for good .

FBL

Yes, you can stop for good. However, you really have to want it. Are you willing to do whatever it takes to stop? If so, you'll find lots of great ideas and support right here at SR. There's lots of us here that did it, so can you.

Abigmess

After an incident like last night I always feel like I never want to drink again. I woke up still drunk this morning and found out from my fiancée that I'd been in a fight . What did I do ? Went and drank a six pack of beer at 8 o'clock in the morning. I managed to stop after that but wtf who does that ? Now I'm hungover/ withdrawing thinking I'll never drink again but I know by Tuesday or Wednesday I'll be trying to convince myself I'm alright I'm just a heavy drinker not an alcoholic.

Abigmess

I'm shaking bad horrible anxiety and so sick I can't keep anything down this isn't social drinking this is alcoholism I'm f$&@ed

Gottalife

It took a lot to convince me I was an alcoholic and not a heavy drinker, or sufferer of some other mental illness.

I hit bottom when I had no friends, family, job, fiance, money or home left. On top of that I had malnutrition and other physical damage. My doctor predicted I would not survive six months more.

And I was so wretched and lonely. Life looked terrible with or without alcohol.

I was beyond wanting to stop drinking. I just wanted the misery to stop, and it turned out that stopping drinking would be part of that. For the misery to end, and a sober life to be enjoyable, I had to do a lot of work on myself and I needed a lot of help with that.

I went to AA and did practically everything they suggested. The misery went, along with the desire to drink.

Abigmess

Aa seems to work for so many people but I guess I feel like I don't belong there I'm not that bad etc I guess that's my pride . I went once and felt like yeah you don't drink but you spend your whole life's talking about drinking. I guess if it keeps seemingly hopeless drunks sober then it's got to be good though .

Soberwolf

You can stop at any time youl need support & a plan

Stick with us make a day 1 & see what happens

Dee74

Hi abigmess

You can't stop drinking but you're not bad enough for AA?
Not sure I understand that logic, to be honest.

You'll never regret dealing with this now rather than later.

If you want to stop - really want to stop -I'd try everything that's offered.

D

Abigmess

I make day ones all the time but after three or four days I feel better and drinking seems like a good idea.I love the feeling of being drunk I always wish I could drink normally but it's been proven time after time that I can't . When I stopped drinking for three years it was because of a really bad withdrawal experience with lots of auditory hallucinations and terrible anxiety I wanted to die it was so terrifying I ended up in hospital and medicated and made a good recovery and the urge to drink just seemed to disappear for 3 years. I got really fit and took up boxing and had a few fights but got sick of getting punched in the head. Since ive started drinking again I have put on about 20 pounds. Alcohol takes away all my ambition and drive to do anything other than just exist.

Dee74

I recognise all of that in myself abigmess.

P[posting here daily, or more than daily really helped when I started to feel good agaoin and wanted to convince myself I didn't have a problem. It's a lot harder to do that when the truth is written down in front of you.

I really was that bad, this was not just a phase, it really is self destructive and will kill me, and I really never will be the kind of casual drinker I want to be.

D

Abigmess

Yeah self destruction is me for sure when i reach a certain level of drunenness (which I never intend to get to ) I become a self loathing maniac . I can't be stopped from drinking when I'm like that untill I run out of grog or pass out. I'm so lucky I've got a beautiful loving partner that looks after me and generally keeps me out of harms way when I'm to f$&$ed up . But she doesn't deserve to have to do that she needs a strong present partner not a crazy drunkard.if I keep going how I am I will lose her and if I lose her I don't think I could go on . I have to stop to be the man that she deserves.

BullDog777

I can relate Abigmess. My alcoholism has been characterized by countless attempts to try to tell myself whatever I'd believe to be able to pick up again.
That's the nature of the beast.

It'll convince you anything other than the painfully obvious.

You need to stop drinking. You cannot do this by yourself.

These are 2 very difficult pills to swallow for ANY drinker who wants to stop.

I always believed that i had another chance to make it back, but as i got older, the door seemed to close further and further until one day i was being scraped off of the ground by my neighbor. He scooped me up and took me to the hospital where, at that point they were unable to detox me the way i needed to be. So I was medically transported to another hospital where i spent the next 6-7 days fighting for my life.

That last bender was almost 4 years.. I had kidney damage, diabetes, a beat up liver and heart problems. I have to take like 7 pills a day to stay alive. They even went so far as to tell me none of this was permanent if I JUST FU#%!nG stopped.

Even then I was trying to figure a way out of this.

It wasn't until I finally stopped thinking about myself and started thinking about all of the people who needed me that I finally gave up trying to control any of this.

I thought...

"My daughter needs me. My wife needs me, my family and friends need me. I need to live.

I can't. WE can."

Go get help.

Abigmess

Yep obviously I can't do it on my own now . I did when I was younger but I guess I'm worse now more brain changes or something? I will be looking into some type of alcohol counselling this week there is a free drug and alcohol counselling in a town about half an hour from where I live. you can just refer yourself I've been putting of doing it for ages but nows the time I think.

Darwinia

Good luck. If stopping was easy everyone would do it. It's going to be tough for a long time. I am 4 months sober and it is still an emotional battle. You have to show yourself that you can, and that only you can do.

MIRecovery

When we are willing to do anything to stop there are a lot of options. When you have the mindset of I can't, I won't, it's not my thing you will continue drinking. You don't want to go to AA? Well I didn't either but I wanted to die even less

ScottFromWI

That's pretty much the textbook definition of alcoholism Abigmess. Drinking more than you intend to and not having control once you start.

The key for most of is to first admit/accept that we have a problem. It sounds simple but really, if you don't identity the problem you cannot solve it; right? You have to decide that picking up that first drink is never an option.

Abigmess

Yep 1 is to many and 100 isn't enough

BrendaChenowyth

I don't know what I wanted the people in here to tell me when I came and said "I can't stop". What were they really going to say? Agreed? No, you can't stop?

Nobody can tell you how to stop except that you have to want to and then you have to physically follow through. You can't do it. Don't buy the alcohol. Don't drive yourself to the store. Don't have it in the house. Don't open the bottle. Don't take the drink. Nobody is forcing you to do this except you and nobody can stop you except you. There is no magic pill. Just don't do it.

It gets easier after the initial week of withdrawal, and I haven't had a craving in a month, personally, but many people report having cravings every. single. day. of their sobriety. Don't expect that you're just going to quit and then not want to have a drink. You may always want to. It will be a willful choice every day, just like putting the drink to your lips was a willful choice you made every day.

Ken33xx

I hear you and had the same conversations with myself back in the day. I wanted to do something about my drinking. I realized I was screwing up but bottom line is I didn't want to stop.

What I wanted was for the problems to go away.

Unfortunately, they never did until I put the bottle down for good.

Only you can decide when enough is enough.

Good luck.

tomsteve

is it fair to make that call after 1 meeting? have you read the big book? it has stories in the back from members at the different stages of alcoholism.
one of the stories has a line i just love:
" i once hear only indians crazy when drunk. if so, lots of indians in aa!"

if ya decide to go, try relating and not comparing- listen to the thinkin and not the actions.