jimmyc

It bites you in the backside. Stopped 06/07/16 until a few days ago. I'm back to square one. Why? It just came out of nowhere. Been to the shops many times and never once had the urge.

Dee74

Hi jimmy

yeah it took me a long time to realise that saying no a few times didn't give me permanent immunity.

so....what's the plan for getting out of the hole?

D

jimmyc

Haven't even got a clue. I was in the process of starting 121 this week, not sure what else I could've done. I feel like I'll never beat this. I really want to end it all now. I've had enough of being that one person that causes grief for everyone else in the family. I can't even face my mother, not now, not after all she's helped me through the past month or so.

tomsteve

im very glad youre able to make it back,jimmy.

it just came out of nowhere- that's how alcoholism is. cunning,baffling,powerful, patient, and deadly. its just waiting for me to get lax.

were you working any recovery program?

ScottFromWI

Welcome back JimmyC. It seems like it ( addiction ) comes out of nowhere sometimes, but in reality it's always there just waiting for us to let up our guard and think we are "better". That's why it's so important to have a plan and work on it daily, even when we don't think we need it.

Dee74

I think to need to widen the parameters of what you're willing to do - whether it's AA or some other recovery group, seeing a Doctor or a counsellor, inpatient or outpatient rehab.

Lives turn around here all the time because people accept that change needs to happen.

The only way you won't beat this is to do nothing, Jimmy.

I hope that's the booze talking but if you need help there's crisis lines here and good reading:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

D

doggonecarl

There are always things we can do more of. Like posting to Sober Recovery. You quit in July but made only a handful of posts. Just one more post could have made the difference--the post you should have made before you drank.

Gottalife

Hi Jimmy,
you did pretty well in my book. I never once managed to last that long without a drink. Most of the time I couldn't keep my guard up for even 24 hours.

They speak about this aspect in AA. At certain times the alcoholic is without defence against the first drink. The thoughts that should deter us - those unpleasant memories of the last episode, the thought to call some one - they just don't come to mind. Our defences are down.

This appears not to apply to many alcoholics on this site, but it very much applied to me and is a big part of why I identify so closely with the AA description of the alcoholic.

By following the AA program, strangely enough, I now have an effective 24/7 defence which does not involve me thinking about drinking or not drinking, memories, or remembering to call someone. Instead the problem has been removed. The only thing I need to be vigilant about is accidental ingestion of alcohol because I still have the allergy.

But fir the rest of it, I don't drink because it does not occur to me to drink. It is just not something I do.

Delilah1

Welcome back Jimmy, how are you doing right now?

Soberwolf

Rooting for you Jimmy

Behappy1

I don't think there is one of us here who hasn't gone back in for "another swim". The water looks so refreshing from the beach, we tip toe in and before we know it the waves are overtaking us and drowning us again.

You had sobriety for a while, you can do so again. You're not alone.

jimmyc

I like your analogy Behappy1. Thanks everyone for your posts. Really feeling like crap again, physically and mentally. Amazing how a few drinks one night leads to this again.

sugarbear1

When we know that just one (or a few) doesn't work for us....

When we know that these few lead to disasters, that is when we surrender.

Stop fighting, stop thinking one is okay. We KNOW deep in our hearts to drink is to die, slow and painful death or quick, who knows, but alcohol plus me is NOT going to happen. Then we practice our plan of living sober. And we learn to live sober.

I wish you well, JimmyC!

jimmyc

Thanks sugarbear, although through this sober period I never once thought one would be ok, I never had a drop as I knew it would end badly. The thing I don't understand is how it happened that I ended up buying alcohol in the first place. I'm so confused.

MIRecovery

At 7 years getting the bite comes less often but it comes. Sometimes I can figure why sometimes not. Being an alcoholic is permanent being in recovery is optional

jimmyc

I take the advice of someone up above - I should've made regular posts here, to keep me focused. That is what I'm going to use this thread for. Feelings, urges, my day, whatever.

Thought from earlier - Why is it they banned the smoking adverts and want to plain-package tobacco, yet gambling and alcohol is promoted without a single problem?? Hmmmm?? Destructive behaviours promoted by society all in the name of profit. Doesn't matter about the "anomalous" statistics who have problems. I managed to turn a gambling habit into a passionate hatred, I want the same for this evil liquid as well.

ScottFromWI

Posting here regularly sounds like a good plan to get started Jimmy. Regarding alcohol, there is a large amount of anti-alcohol propaganda too, we just tend to focus on the promotion side as alcoholics...of course our addiction would rather watch someone having fun with it.

Bottom line though, alcohol will always be everywhere, just like illicit drugs. It's our responsibility to focus on ourselves and getting better.

MIRecovery

I heard at an AA meeting from a guy 20+ years sober talk about the edge. He said the biggest problem is alcoholics don't know where the edge of sobriety is. We don't know when there is that one thing that will tip us over into active alcoholism.

What he proposed was constantly working a program of recovery to keep multiple steps from the edge. That we never let our sobriety slip to the point of one step further and it is adios muchachos.

This made so much sense to me so I do what I need to do to keep well back from the edge

waynetheking

Don't beat yourself Jimmyc. The alcohol does that enough already. Just keep trying. We're here for ya.

jimmyc

Again, thanks for your posts.

Today feel more normal, not as if nothing happened, don't get me wrong, but just focusing on putting the next foot infront of the other. Had a nice surprise thunderstorm (or 3!) today which has helped to raise my spirits and bring back some good memories. That's all for today.