BrendaChenowyth

One of the things I've noticed in periods of sobriety is that time seems to slow down. Alcohol for me has always been like a fast forward button to get through anything unpleasant, but even having a hangover worked that way because I'd have no problem going back to sleep and shutting out the world for hours. The trouble for me is avoiding the boredom that comes with all the free time I have when I'm not drinking. At night is the hardest because negative feelings just seem to creep in more, and I have a lot of trouble sleeping, I toss and turn all night. I try to avoid using other substances for sleeping, sometimes they only make the insomnia worse. During the day I find it hard to fill my time when I want to be doing something relaxing and there's nothing pressing I have to do. I realize I never learned how to relax and enjoy free time.

I do work full time and often over time. For example, recently in an 8 day period I worked 74 hours. So it's not like I am a person without a job who just sits around all day.

Does this sound familiar to anyone? How did you re-teach yourself how to get through "down time" or boredom without reaching for a drink? Besides the obvious "I just didn't drink", non-sarcastic helpful responses only, please.

neferkamichael

This made me think about the "expectation of instant gratification" that the drugs and alcohol provided and the never ceasing AV that is always there trying to trip me up. I am 6 years sober though and these feeling have diminished as time has gone by, rootin for ya.

ScottFromWI

I think that's actually pretty common Brenda. When we're sober we become a lot more aware of everything around us...and things become "magnified". I think it's mostly because when we are drinking our minds are chemically depressed, so we "wake up" in a sense to the world around us sober.

As far as what you can do besides just "not drinking", basically we all need to learn better coping skills. There are a plethora of ways to do so, some people follow an official recovery method to get started ( AA, AVRT, SMart, Rehab, Counseling, Etc. ). Another possibility is that you have some kind of underlying psychological conditoin ( Anxiety, Depression, OCD, PTSD, etc.. ). If you do, just "not drinking" isn't going to solve it either...it needs to be treated appropriately.

Lastly, it's simply going to take time and practice. As addicts we tend to want "instant gratification" in all areas of our lives..but unfortunately life just doesn't work that way. Using whatever methods we choose, dealing with life on a daily basis repeatedly will build up "sober muscles" over time.

Yankee73

Sometimes, when I can't sit still long enough to read or watch tv, I get busy cleaning. There's always something to clean. Sounds like I'm adding a boring activity to boredom, but I use cleaning as a meditative practice. I've even cleaned and polished shoes one night. Probably not helpful advice, but keeping busy is not only a great distracting, but you can accomplish stuff, even small things.

Darwinia

Very good post. I so agree with you. I am 100 days sober today and life outside work is boring. I never drank during the day so I enjoy my job as much as before. But my goodness the rest is boring. Especially being with people. I try and cut parties as short as possible. My only saving grace is that I love reading. That is still fun. For the rest we will just have to bite the bullet.

obiwan

For me time has sped up. During my last binge (which lasted 18 days and culminated in a visit to hospital) the days were filled with so much emotional and mental torture that they seemed neverending and all I craved was sleep as it was a blessed relief.

In these early days of sobriety I have so much energy to use up that I fill up the time properly and when my head hits the pillow at the end of the day I am content and forfilled.

The mornings are best though. As someone else here said: " I never wake up regretting I didnt drink the night before".

Forward12

It does seem that way when drinking that things are going at warp speed, then when you sober up, it seems like time comes to a crawl. Once you find new ways to fit into what would have been drinking or appreciating the same things sober, it will even out and time will return to a normal pace.

IWalkTheLine

Its the boredom that gets me its almost painfull, when im doing cold turkey it's worse because im too sick and miserable to do things I enjoy, eg. Gym, making
money etc......

if I could just get through the first few days I think I could give myself enough to do to stay of this crap for good.

IWalkTheLine

Darwina, im the same I can't wait to leave parties now I don't drink, before you couldn't get rid of me!

Fly N Buy

The Book Living Sober I found to be a great resource early on - do you know it?

"Anyone can get sober. . .the trick is to live sober."


Living Sober -- Hazelden

Talkinandwalkin

I was kind of thinking something along those lines when I realized the in between times are actual what is important. Learning how to just exist is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. Let yourself and everyone around you just breathe and smile.

D122y

Bc,

Great post. I have so much more time now that I am sober.

I was always getting drunk, being drunk, passed out, or being hung over.

I was a rock star in my fantasy world.

Now sober I have gotten so many projects done, lost 35 lbs, and sleep like never before.

Boredom is there, but in AA they call it serenity. I also crave activities that get my heart rate up now. I like exercising like never before.

That is my plan for the rest of my life. Never going to poison my body w booze again.

JeffreyAK

How long have your periods of sobriety been? Feeling bored, not being able to sleep, etc., is pretty common in early recovery, but it does get better and better over time. Maybe you just need to stick with sobriety longer?

For passing time, early on I personally spent a lot of time building model cars, motorcycles, airplanes, spaceships, anything. That might or might not be a good fit for other people, but it was great for me - very detail-oriented focused work that I had to pay close attention to and that took a lot of time. Other folks take up different hobbies, get into exercise, learn a musical instrument, read books, anything that fills up empty time that can be triggering is good.

EndGameNYC

Something that isn't studied very well, or even often, is the experience of subjective, internal time consciousness. Depending on where we are emotionally, our temperament, and our personality, we experience time in very subjective ways that are not easily quantified or explained. There are also some ways in which we experience time, and the passage of time, in a very general way. If this were not so, then we'd all be out of sync with each other, and in very dramatic ways.

If I didn't slow down my life, my drinking would have done it for me, with death being something strikingly other than even standing still and, certainly more final as an act of life. More important, in order for me to get sober and to stay sober, I needed to slow down my life. I stopped speeding through all the "Stop" signs only after I got sober. And I learned that if I cannot survive living life in the slow lane, then I haven't got a chance in the fast lane.

Living slowly allows me to be prepared for the inevitable emotional crush that things like loss, the death of loved ones, ill-health, and the quiet, solitary grief of heartbreak that is always just around the next corner. And it was then that I learned that it was not preparation, but a growing confidence that I could (and had) survived a great deal in life. And that suffering is not the enemy. The end of things wasn't always or only the end of things. (Thank you, Yogi Berra.)

Our brains are built to process things very quickly, but our hearts are forever, and not easily given to healing quickly. And the wounds we suffer in life don't only leave scars. I need time to take these things in, to consider them, to do anything but try to understand them which, by doing so, would only have destroyed them for me. Slowing down gave me the freedom to abandon the false hope that trying to understand things (which, for me, is only another attempt at controlling the things that I fear), and the promise that knowing why things were as they were would bring relief. It wasn't truth I was searching for; it was believing. Attention must be paid. But not all the time, and not always in the same way.

My first sponsor, back in 1983, used to remind me, "You cannot get this (sobriety) slowly enough." A saying that seems to have stuck around from that time, and likely before then, says "I wish you a slow recovery." People who run around as though they drank rocket fuel in early sobriety often find it difficult to get sober. We need to land somewhere in order to take off again. Or to truly take off for the first time.

Both sobriety and alcoholism are always available. One takes patience, the other takes your life. And neither one is without heartbreak.

Loekken

I think I know what you mean. Actually when I don't work I miss having a drink - since it used to be my usual favorite pastime. So there's that void to fill and I don't find it easy just to substitute it with some other hobby or to 'make something up'.

What I do recognize lately is that I tend to think more carefully about individual things and plan more ahead, in a more nuanced way. I didn't use to do this earlier, as my mind would just wander off into swampy territory as the number of drinks increased. Now when sober, I feel more attentive and considerate in general and my surroundings seem to appreciate this change. So yeah, sobriety does pay off at times, even if you get bored.

Delilah1

Hello,

First, great job staying sober! It certainly sounds like work is busy for you. Have you ever thought about taking a class to learn more about something you enjoy? Exercise is another great way to pass the time.

I am a week shy of 8 months and I am still hit with insomnia, like right now! I have been up since 2:30 in the morning. I am going to attempt another hour or so of sleep in a few minutes. I love to read, and when insomnia hits I log in here. D read posts, or read a book saved to my phone. This way I don't need to go downstairs for light, and thankfully my husband can sleep through the light from my phone, his snoring right now has me convinced of that!!

Keep up all the great work, looking forward to reading more from you.

Redmayne

I like this post because it reminds me that despite pursuing three of my four professional careers as a 'high functioning alcoholic' in demanding but fulfilling roles in the service of my country and the community. When I first got sober everything around me seemed to go in slow motion, which I misguidedly at first put down to the fact that I was no longer running on alcohol until someone, quite rightly pointed out to me that all I was seeing was in fact quite normal ....

Now my mind and body have adjusted to this I live my life at 'a more measured tread' something akin to my pace as a young police constable walking his beat. Just like I did years before my problems with drink ever arose, at a time when I hated the smell of intoxicants, alcohol itself doesn't smell

FBL

My first thought when I got sober was "well, now what do I do"...after all, I spent almost ALL of my free time drinking. Then a funny thing happened...I started to find things to occupy my time. Constructive activities that made me WANT to live and not hide from the world and slowly drink myself to death. Now I find that there aren't enough hours in the day to do everything I want to do. It's up to you to find those things for yourself. The longer you stay sober I'm sure some ideas will come to you.

August252015

"Sitting in the still in between" (that's my paraphrase but someone like Richard Rohr and/or Andy Stanley talks about it and I was reading such lately) is tough. It is a skill I am working on- I definitely know first hand what the BB talks about saying we get "restless, irritable, and discontent." In fact- that's exactly how I felt last night- frustration over what were mostly minor things, and time on my hands to...go to bad thoughts. I followed my own frequent advice to others- I sent myself to bed early (I also shut down my electronics, all of them, even what normally stays on through the night). I don't feel my usual pink self this morning, but I made it through with practical, healthy, mature actions. I'll be ok. Taking it mentally easy today, at least till I sort through my restlessness.

Studying devotionals and praying, even when I am distracted or my heart's not "in it" are other tools I use. Distraction, sometimes too.

Andy Stanley talks about the gift of time- we think it's our enemy because it passes too fast. Really, it is our friend because time is what we need to heal and how we learn. We can't get where we need to be any faster than we can (if that makes sense) so we need to settle into the time as it passes. Something I am working on specifically with my sobriety, and with my SO and our growing relationship, as two examples.

nonblonde

I hit on this thread because I think I want sobriety to slow down time for me. I have only recently sobered and for the past great while (as I fast approach 50) I have been more and more cognizant how time is slipping away from me. I have been filling space and killing time with alcohol so I've missed out on life.... that being said I also know I don't really know how to live my life that well without alcohol. Despite a number of periods of sobriety, it keeps showing up again when I get bored and restless. I get bored not for a lack of things to do in this life but perhaps moreso because I'm too lazy or too afraid and insecure to try and do them. My health and mobility are becoming more and more important to me as I age so I know I need regular gym visits in my life...and that helps take a bite out of my evenings after work.

I dunno...despite my penchant for drama (which is causing me some concern already in my first few days of sobriety), I am hoping for MORE life in sobriety rather than less. But I also know, I have to work on fulfilling that same penchant for drama stone cold sober or my sobriety will not survive. I'm not good with boredom