JesseJe

I hope not to whine too much but to find some answers and reassurance. I quit drinking 2 and a half weeks ago. I was binge drinking every weekend, and averaging 2 drinks a night during the week, usually more. Plus cocaine once every 2 weeks or so and quite a bit of it. This has been pretty regular for the last 5 years with some less intense periods.

I really take incredible care of my body and health otherwise. I run, eat all whole foods, sleep etc. I was just a wild child. Now that I quit though I am so insanely moody I feel like I have no grip on reality. One second I'm literally elated the next devastated. All day long this rapid rollercoaster. My best times are the morning and late night. Middle of the day is a gong show of strong desperate emotions.

I think people will say it's normal but really? I feel insane. The thought of feeling like this forever terrifies me. No way to live.

Has anyone had the same experience? When does it get better? I'm trying to get my life together but it's not making much sense right now.

Ok thank you so much for any advice!!

lunar

Hi JesseJe

It takes a while for our brains to "rewire" themselves.
2 and a half weeks is great!
Give it time. This whole situation didn't happen
overnight, and it certainly won't totally dissipate in that
amount of time either.

tomsteve

most definatly i had that happen. emotions a d feelings were all over the place. 23 years of drinking and drugging, it was going to take T.I.M.E. for the emotions and feelings to get more even.
it was about 6-8 months before i noticed my thinker thinkin better.

JesseJe

Ok so months.. I can understand that. You just know when your in it it feels like it will never end.. A part of me thinks though that this is why I started drinking in the first place. It calmed me the hell down. Finally I didn't have to feel so much and was all in one place. I'm worried I'm just like this.

Gottalife

I had the same thing. Initially I think it was the chemical thing. Having taken a depressant (alcohol) in such quantities for so long, when I stopped my mood bounced all over the place. That probably explained the first week or two while alcoholc got out of my system.

After that the problem had a different cause, my abnormal reaction to life. This is the real core of alcoholism. Often, take the booze away, and things get worse, not better. The solution to that was to find a better way of living, one that put me in harmony with the world instead of conflict. I found that by working the AA program and also going to meetings.

Finding a new way to live was the only alternative to the other soltuion you mentioned - alcohol. That only ever provided temporary relief, then it always made things worse.

Gottalife

I had the same thing. Initially I think it was the chemical thing. Having taken a depressant (alcohol) in such quantities for so long, when I stopped my mood bounced all over the place. That probably explained the first week or two while alcoholc got out of my system.

After that the problem had a different cause, my abnormal reaction to life. This is the real core of alcoholism. Often, take the booze away, and things get worse, not better. The solution to that was to find a better way of living, one that put me in harmony with the world instead of conflict. I found that by working the AA program and also going to meetings.

Finding a new way to live was the only alternative to the other soltuion you mentioned - alcohol. That only ever provided temporary relief, then it always made things worse.

JesseJe

"Abnormal reaction to life". Describes me in a nutshell. I will have to seek therapy or try AA.. I feel fortunate that I do not desire to drink at the moment, since I know the train wreck I become on the stuff it's really much worse than this.
I need relief some other way though

waynetheking

I have to be honest here. It took 6 to 9 months. Really smoothed out after that.
Between 60 and 90 days things got a lot better though.

Soberpotamus

The first six months or so, I thought, at times, I might be bipolar. Turns out I wasn't. It really took months for my brain and emotions to level out.

Hang in there. And if things don't get better, see a doc.

sugarbear1

feelings we repressed when drinking or drugging come out in early sobriety

hopefully it will calm down

for me, I use the 12 steps, which helped immensely.

Berrybean

If you go down the therapist route, try to ensure that they have specific understanding of alcoholism / addiction. There is no reason to not do both AA and counselling to be honest.

The HALT triggers do make a massive difference in the early days, so make sure that you plan in how to avoid these (Hunger-Anger-Lonely-Tired ) at all times and have a contingency plan for when you realise that one has snuck up on you.
Even now, two of those on the go can leave me feeling very restless, irritable and discontent, and affect the quality of my sobriety.

But, most importantly, remember that this is not what sobriety will feel like forever. Just as someone who broke their legal won't have to tolerate having their legal in plaster forever. Yes, it's uncomfortable. Downright painful in shorter bursts. BUT, it will pass. This phase doesn't last. And the longer the amount of time between now and your last drink, the quieter your AV will become. It's like a monster in a cage. At the moment is it hungry and still quite strong. It sounds terrifying, but it is harmless unless you feed it. DO NOT give it alcohol, no matter what lies it whispers to you. And it might be hard at first to tell what is your rational thinking, and what is the AV voice. Top Tip: if the voice is suggesting that alcohol would be the answer to anything, then that is your AV, NOT your rational thinking.

Wishing you all the best for your recovery.

JesseJe

Thank you so much everyone!!! Your thoughts and suggestions have helped immensely and are so much appreciated. I am quite an impatient person but I'm working on that.

It definitely feels like suppressed emotions are surfacing but I will look at is as healing. I feel so good for doing this, every day I get stronger.

I've heard that little voice a few times!!! Damn bugger. I've had stabbing cravings but in the context of my new found wonderful life, they have no real effect. Simply an uncomfortable aspect of my early recovery. But I have to be prepared...

It really helps to know that in 6 months or so things will mellow out. I can't even imagine having gone that long without alcohol but I am so determined! I am very curious to see how I feel.

Thanks again everyone

Berrybean

Remember though - things getting better is kind of dependent on the quality of our recovery work. Sugarbear is spot on about things coming to the surface. I had loads of stuff that I suppose for years I had just dealt with by getting drunk and ignoring it. Like having a wound that i didnt want to look at and slapping a fresh band-aid on over the top of the soiled ones. In the end my recovery work in AA (specifically step 4 & 5) helped me to be brave enough to remove those soiled band-aid and look at the wounds underneath, and clean them properly so they could heal properly. And other parts of the program helped me to recognise and deal with new things (emotions and my slightly skewiff alcoholic thinking and reactions to life) as they came up.

Not saying AA is necessarily the way for you or anyone else to do it, but for most of us, recovery is a learning process as much as one of staying sober. I needed to learn, and do all that growing up that I didn't do while I was active in my alcoholism.

I put all that off til I'd been sober for 6 or 7 months and, was getting closer and closer to suicidal and crazy. The program, when I finally engaged with it, did give me relief quite quickly (thankfully), but I did put myself through months and months of unnecessary pain by resisting for so long.

MelindaFlowers

I remember being shocked that I had to be awake for life. Awake, alert, aware, insert whichever word there. I remember sitting there and thinking is this as good as it gets? When do I get to relax? When do I get to have fun? Enjoy myself?

If you're at the point of quitting then the fun was probably long gone. When I stopped drinking I hadn't truly enjoyed it in a few years.

This is what made me so angry about alcoholism: I was fine before I ever drank. I was fine just doing whatever in the evening. I felt content and normal.
Then, after ten years of alcoholic drinking I was agitated and angry when I couldn't drink. That really made me mad.

I've been sober over two years and you do get back to normal. It's just a totally different normal. And yes, you are "awake" for everything but you eventually start appreciating this.

The number one thing I enjoy about sobriety is feeling totally fine in the mornings. No more hangovers. That is the best part.

JesseJe

Melinda I totally agree with feeling fine in the mornings! I wake up with a great feeling and this is something that keeps me going as well.

I think I'm prepared for things to surface.. Some small things already have. I will heed the advice that before things get really bad I will seek help to do the real personal work. I'm prepared for this.

I also totally know what you mean "when do I get to relax?" I had the thought like, soooo I'm never going to be able to check out that way again? Just down some wine and forget about it? I felt scared but it passed. No I won't. Though luck.

I feel as I nurture the things in life that I love that were so neglected through my drinking, the needing to check out of life will hopefully diminish. That said I'm an insanely sensitive person so again, therapy may help if this doesn't come to pass.

Is anyone willing to share a specific issue or wound that surfaced during their sobriety that they barely remembered they had and share how they worked through it? I'm curious to see what kinds of things I may have to prepare myself for.

Only if you're completely comfortable!

Cheers!

Berrybean

For me, all kinds of resentments from childhood as well as adulthood. My old best friend who'd always said I'd be her bridesmaid who has the audacity to ask someone else to do it when the time arrived. My mum for giving my brother more attention than me. My nan who often was quite hurtful verbally when I was a child. My bosses, for reasons many and varied - I was so misunderstood and mistreated as an employee you just wouldn't believe it. The teachers who didn't continue to support and encouragement me just how I think they should have done it. The boys who bullied me (and numerous others) at school. A teacher who sexually abused me. Plus loads of other fears and resentments (both justified and unjustified). And that before we even get started on the things that I knew I'd done wrong over the years that haunted me and filled me with remorse and shame that overshadowed even the sunniest of days.

Lots more than that, but it's an example of the range of stuff that bounced round my head like a tumble dryer on constant. Some of those things would have me in tears when I thought about them. Others a rage. It was all quite emotionally exhausting.

Darwinia

We are all different. I am on day 99 now and all I feel is dead, flat and without enthusiasm. No emotion whatsoever. No fun. But somehow, deep down I know this pass. Everything does. So I hang in. Good luck to you, I think we all know we are doing the right thing.

JesseJe

Berrybean thank you for sharing that! Tumble dryer is right!!

Delilah1

Hello and Welcome!

Two and a half weeks is a great start, and feeling moody or irritable is completely understandable. If you dealt with physical issues you should be feeling better, other than the tiredness, that can last a while. The first few weeks I was obsessed with not being able to drink. I thought about it on and off throughout the work day, and on weekends. I am getting close to 8 months and I promise sobriety is worth it so stick with it.

Spend some time reading and posting, this is a big part of helping me to remain grounded in my sobriety. Also, consider joining the August class, you will find tremendous support from others who are at the same point in your recovery plan. I check in with my Jannies on a daily basis. The 24 hour thread is another great place to check in daily.

Keep up the great work, your mood will begin to improve, and you will be feeling much better physically and emotionally before you know it!

❤️ Delilah

JesseJe

Deliliah I know I completely obsess about not drinking haha! Think about it constantly not even that I want a drink, just about 'drinking' in general. It's a HUGE life change. I mean the biggest I will likely ever encounter besides having children.

I love the encouragement from people farther along the journey, you can't underestimate how much it helps!

Thanks!