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6 months sober

Old 07-21-2016, 05:17 AM
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6 months sober

Which is the longest for like - ever - for me. I am a 34 yr male. But I have reached a point where a strong urge to taste alcohol - and the intoxication along with it - has returned strongly.

This has to do with a lot of life circumstances, and the point I am currently. I am in a situation where I am not allowed to drink still because of housing and finances, so I am 'waiting'. I need to find a stable income and my own place to stay, as I moved back to my parents last year after getting divorced.

Sobriety has been good, but I feel depressed and I am without motivation to stay positive and focused. Things are going 'okay' but I am just in a general state of despair and even disbelief. I feel I do not enjoy a sober life and it is scary as hell. Any advise or helping words appreciated - maybe from someone who's been sober for as long or longer. Thanks in advance.
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Old 07-21-2016, 05:38 AM
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Hi, and congrats on 6 months! That's no small accomplishment. You mention that you need a stable income and your own place to stay. I can tell you the one thing that would place in jeopardy your chances of acquiring, and keeping, that would be drinking again. May I ask what you are doing to maintain your sobriety? As you must know by now, it's about so much more than just not drinking.
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Old 07-21-2016, 06:12 AM
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Originally Posted by GetMeOut View Post
Hi, and congrats on 6 months! That's no small accomplishment. You mention that you need a stable income and your own place to stay. I can tell you the one thing that would place in jeopardy your chances of acquiring, and keeping, that would be drinking again. May I ask what you are doing to maintain your sobriety? As you must know by now, it's about so much more than just not drinking.
Thanks. Yes, I am certainly aware of what you say about acquiring and keeping what I need there, especially as these are not just physical things so to say, but a helping hand in rebuilding my life again and creating something for my self anew. And so I make sure to stay sober. I am on antabuse, by the way.

As to what I'm doing, well not much. I spend a lot of time alone, really, and don't communicate a lot with people outside the house. I know this is probably unhealthy, but I don't feel like meeting and chatting up a lot of folks, simply. I don't even like being around people. I am terribly lonely at times, but I feel this is simply the way things are at the moment.

And yes, indeed it is more than just about drinking/not drinking... I have had difficult psychological issues since I was a teenager, as I see things. Everything a very long and complicated story, though. I have quit seeing counseling too/ alcohol treatment, etc.. I just don't feel it gives me anything, really.. And so I reach out on this board, for instance... And appreciate any feedback. Maybe I should try AA meetings? But it doesn't appeal to me, and I am a reserved character who wouldn't be able to just open up on personal issues in a group of strangers...
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Old 07-21-2016, 06:51 AM
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Speaking from my own experience, given that my default has always been to isolate and avoid people, I've had to force myself out of that behavioral pattern because it always brought me full-circle to the bottle again. If you are open to AA, sometimes just taking that leap of faith and going to a meeting and listening with an open mind can have a profound impact. I was very resistant to it when I first started going. I also suffer from social anxiety and didn't speak up for quite a long time. That's OK. It pays to just listen in early sobriety. If you stick with it and get a sponsor, it can work. I have 15 months of sobriety now and I directly attribute that to having a good sponsor and working the steps. There are other alternatives if you decide that isn't the way for you, but I urge you to do something. Isolating means only listening to yourself. You can't think your way out of this, and our best thinking rarely does us any good.

I've been on Antabuse a couple of times. It is a good deterrent, but you well know it doesn't touch cravings and, unless someone else is making sure you take it, you have to rely on yourself to maintain it. Nevertheless, I do know some who have managed that on their own. You sound like you are unsettled and struggling with this, though, and white-knuckling your way along somewhat. Antabuse can't provide the emotional/spiritual support needed to improve your life overall.
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Old 07-21-2016, 08:44 AM
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congratulations, Starlight.

i found that wanting change without doing stuff i didn't want to do just wasn't a workable equation.
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Old 07-21-2016, 09:19 AM
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Great work on 6 months!!

I had to get out of my self and help another drunk, someone new that's struggling.. You have some great time accumulated, go share/ help the new guy!

Wishing you the best!! Posting your honest feeling is a huge part of recovery.. You have this!! Keep moving forward!! Good luck!
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Old 07-21-2016, 09:27 AM
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Congrats on 6 months 2012! I thing that getting out and meeting with people, or even just going to some meetings and listening would be a good thing. Isolation is a very dangerous place to be when it comes to sobriety, being in touch with other like minded people can definitely help - whether its virually like a forum here or in person.

I think it's also very important for you to remember how things were when you were drinking - you mentioned in your earlier posts that driking caused many problems for you. Those problems will return very quickly if you were to drink again, and many times even worse than the first time around.
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Old 07-21-2016, 10:11 AM
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Originally Posted by GetMeOut View Post
Speaking from my own experience, given that my default has always been to isolate and avoid people, I've had to force myself out of that behavioral pattern because it always brought me full-circle to the bottle again. If you are open to AA, sometimes just taking that leap of faith and going to a meeting and listening with an open mind can have a profound impact. I was very resistant to it when I first started going. I also suffer from social anxiety and didn't speak up for quite a long time. That's OK. It pays to just listen in early sobriety. If you stick with it and get a sponsor, it can work. I have 15 months of sobriety now and I directly attribute that to having a good sponsor and working the steps. There are other alternatives if you decide that isn't the way for you, but I urge you to do something. Isolating means only listening to yourself. You can't think your way out of this, and our best thinking rarely does us any good.

I've been on Antabuse a couple of times. It is a good deterrent, but you well know it doesn't touch cravings and, unless someone else is making sure you take it, you have to rely on yourself to maintain it. Nevertheless, I do know some who have managed that on their own. You sound like you are unsettled and struggling with this, though, and white-knuckling your way along somewhat. Antabuse can't provide the emotional/spiritual support needed to improve your life overall.
The bolded sounds exactly like me.

And I am spending the majority of my day alone, with my own thoughts about everything. Sometimes it's really suits me best - I feel I know 'me' best, and so I have the best advise for myself. My treatment person at the center is nice and all - it is even very good to talk to her sometimes, but I fail to see how she offers me something truly valuable and I dare not say it to her directly (I'm generally a very polite guy).

I have actually skipped antabuse this week but will take a pill on Monday again (only because I live with my parents and have to, I tell myself). In other words, my psychological dependence is still very much a danger and I want to try and drink even though I know it's probably a very bad idea. So you're right of course, I have to do something, the thing is I know this but I'm afraid in some ways I still find myself knee deep in an addictive pattern of thought/emotion, even when I haven't touched a drink as I said, for 6 months.
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Old 07-21-2016, 10:18 AM
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post
Congrats on 6 months 2012! I thing that getting out and meeting with people, or even just going to some meetings and listening would be a good thing. Isolation is a very dangerous place to be when it comes to sobriety, being in touch with other like minded people can definitely help - whether its virually like a forum here or in person.

I think it's also very important for you to remember how things were when you were drinking - you mentioned in your earlier posts that driking caused many problems for you. Those problems will return very quickly if you were to drink again, and many times even worse than the first time around.
Oh yes, drinking has obviously caused me the most difficult and even terrible problems in my life so far - I have all those stories that you will hear from most severe alcoholics in different ways. I would say I'm generally an emotional wreck at the moment and we know the temptation to ease the pain when opening a bottle, then.
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Old 07-21-2016, 10:18 AM
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2012 congrats on 6 months, go to meetings and be a fly on the wall until you are comfortable, you do not have to share at meeting level.
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Old 07-21-2016, 10:22 AM
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I'd say it's worth giving AA a try. Yiu don't need to say anything in meetings if yiu don't want to. I do share, but not the more personal stuff. I save that for my trusted sponsor, who knows things that I have not, and would not, share with any other living soul. Yet anyway.

The meetings are only a part of AA. The real work is done daily, by ourselves, as we apply the program to all areas of our lives. That is when the real relief comes.

I would recommend reading through Dee's thread about making your own sobriety plan. Staying sober is one thing. LIVING Sober is something else altogether. Why settle for sobriety when you could have recovery?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-2.html
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Old 07-21-2016, 10:34 AM
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congrats!! it almost sounds like your just still not comfortable in your own skin yet. Pretty normal for 6 months.

me? i isolated for the first year. See i was pretty convinced my probelm was not alcohol it was a lot of other things but not that. Took a while for me to figure it out my denial was strong. But after posting here it was suggested that i go to AA. I dunno i guess the people talked me into it. so i went. Like you i didnt socialize well didnt have much to say i'm alwasy the quiet one in the corner and kinda like it htat way to be honest. But I went I listened. I've been back a number of times since then shared a couple times but I do not go regularly.

It can help to go tho to break the ice knock down those walls in our mind that we built up for whatever reason.

at about 6 months for me I was kinda tired of still feeling bad and was just gonna try whatever to feel better. i started excercising and fixe dmy diet lost weight and such that also helped me to feel better too.

for what its worth I quit at about the same age you are and I now have 5 years sobriety and its been worth it.
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Old 07-21-2016, 10:41 AM
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Originally Posted by 2012Starlight View Post
Oh yes, drinking has obviously caused me the most difficult and even terrible problems in my life so far - I have all those stories that you will hear from most severe alcoholics in different ways. I would say I'm generally an emotional wreck at the moment and we know the temptation to ease the pain when opening a bottle, then.
I think coming here is a very sage move then...it tells me that you value sobriety even if part of your mind is not telling you that now. It's far better to talk these things out and find solutions than the alternative. I don't enjoy being in groups or sharing in person much either, but i feel it's necessary for me to push myself to do so at times. The only way we can overcome what we fear is by facing it. And you don't have to do it all at once and become an regular speaker at an AA meeting for example. You could attend some speaker meetings and just listen. Or perhaps find someplace you could do some light volunteer work - to not only get you out and about, but also give you some confidence that you can contribute to help others as well.
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Old 07-21-2016, 10:52 AM
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good on ya for 6 months!!
just my opinion but the compulsion returning isn't so much about life circumstances as it is about not having the tools to handle the life circumstances.

you DO NOT have to open up to a group fo strangers at an AA meeting, but think about this:
you open up here to a group of strangers.

nothing screws me up more than being left to my own devises and having a meeting in my own head. THINKING I know whats best for me got me to the doors of AA.
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Old 07-21-2016, 11:11 AM
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Originally Posted by 2012Starlight View Post
And I am spending the majority of my day alone, with my own thoughts about everything. Sometimes it's really suits me best - I feel I know 'me' best, and so I have the best advise for myself.
An added note here...this is exactly where I was, whether I was drinking or sober. But if I wasn't drinking already, there was little to prevent me from doing it again. I'd forget about whatever reason(s) I had to stop. For years I thought all I wanted was to be left alone, to do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it, watch what I wanted to see on TV, drink the way I wanted if/when I wanted (which was usually all day everyday), etc.

Years later I found myself with a failed marriage, a failed relationship after the marriage, fired from my job, no contact with my kids, car totaled, DWI, suspended license, etc. I got exactly what I always said I wanted. Alone at long last. At that point, however, I was desperate to get the hell away from myself. Often, meetings were the only thing that made me still feel connected to life, and the only thing that gave me hope and kept me sane. I know you'd be tempted to think nothing like that would ever happen to you because you wouldn't let it. You'd stop it before it got that far. That's what I thought, too.

I urge you to make the effort to reach out to people. Coming here can be quite helpful, but given your tendency to isolate, I think you'll find - as I did - that face to face relationships will be much more effective.
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Old 07-21-2016, 11:19 AM
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Good job on 6 months
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Old 07-21-2016, 02:35 PM
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What happens when you "play the tape through"? Will alcohol help any of the problems you are facing, life problems that we all have to face at some point? Or will it just be a temporary escape, with a huge cost that will make your problems worse, not better? You say you had a big drinking problem have all the usual alcoholic stories - but will all that come right back? Will you really be the first person in recorded human history who can come back to occasional drinking after being an addict, or is that just a lie your addict voice is telling you? Sometimes when we think through what happens next, and after that, we can see that that first little step, taking a drink, doesn't sound like a good idea after all.
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Old 07-21-2016, 02:59 PM
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First of all, congrats on 6 months!

Please stick with it. It will get better as time goes on. However, you will feel much better if you deal with the underlying issues.
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Old 07-22-2016, 07:16 AM
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Originally Posted by JeffreyAK View Post
What happens when you "play the tape through"? Will alcohol help any of the problems you are facing, life problems that we all have to face at some point? Or will it just be a temporary escape, with a huge cost that will make your problems worse, not better? You say you had a big drinking problem have all the usual alcoholic stories - but will all that come right back? Will you really be the first person in recorded human history who can come back to occasional drinking after being an addict, or is that just a lie your addict voice is telling you? Sometimes when we think through what happens next, and after that, we can see that that first little step, taking a drink, doesn't sound like a good idea after all.
No, drinking doesn't solve anything I'm painfully aware - it is an escape I'm looking for. Not sure if I touched upon it in previous posts, but at times I find myself telling myself, 'you don't enjoy sober life too much anyway, why not pick up a drink and see what happens?' .. well, last time, everything went to ****... so I know it... yet still crave it. You hear of alcoholics who were sober for 20 years and then relapse, right? Was it Robin Williams? So, nobody's safe it seems.
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Old 07-22-2016, 07:27 AM
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Originally Posted by GetMeOut View Post
An added note here...this is exactly where I was, whether I was drinking or sober. But if I wasn't drinking already, there was little to prevent me from doing it again. I'd forget about whatever reason(s) I had to stop. For years I thought all I wanted was to be left alone, to do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it, watch what I wanted to see on TV, drink the way I wanted if/when I wanted (which was usually all day everyday), etc.

Years later I found myself with a failed marriage, a failed relationship after the marriage, fired from my job, no contact with my kids, car totaled, DWI, suspended license, etc. I got exactly what I always said I wanted. Alone at long last. At that point, however, I was desperate to get the hell away from myself. Often, meetings were the only thing that made me still feel connected to life, and the only thing that gave me hope and kept me sane. I know you'd be tempted to think nothing like that would ever happen to you because you wouldn't let it. You'd stop it before it got that far. That's what I thought, too.

I urge you to make the effort to reach out to people. Coming here can be quite helpful, but given your tendency to isolate, I think you'll find - as I did - that face to face relationships will be much more effective.
It's crazy how much you sound like myself

But you're right, I need to find out how to socialize without drinking - a place where I'm far from at right now. I don't feel like calling up my friends, because we can't have a beer together anymore, simple as that. And no, they were not all drunk buddies, they're real friends, but we always drank together as a 'natural thing to do', our common activity. It's a big problem as I see it.
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