whathaveidone84

i write this in absolute tears - i cant deal with losing her its too hard, 11 years we were together and shes just totally checked out and left me in jan and i stopped drinking then....im so scared of what lies infront of me i moved to canada to be with her and built my life around her and now shes gone and i absolutely dont know what to do im in immense pain and im scared and lost and i want her back so badly.....i dont know what to do im in dire straits any advice wud be appreciated i know it gets easier etc etc but right now im an absolute mess and find it really hard to continue ilove her so ******* much.....arg i want my wife back

ZenLifter

I am so sorry for what you must be feeling, and don't really know what to say. I have felt like that, and nobody could have consoled me. Maybe I didn't want to be consoled anyway. Maybe I needed to wallow for awhile, to grieve. One thing is for certain, drinking will not help. It will ultimately only delay whatever you must endure, and probably worsen it. I hope you don't.

TheEnd

She left you because you stopped drinking? I really don't understand what is going on exactly. But anyway, have you tried going to couples counseling?

Dee74

Hi what,

I'm sorry for your pain.

From your post yesterday tho I don't think your drinking was the only factor involved, so I;d stop beating myself up on that score.

I think the best thing you can do now is stay sober and start to rebuild your life...

it needn't be much, but one brick at a time...it will soon add up.

D

AdelineRose

I'm so sorry for your pain, it is really obvious that you are completely torn up and devastated.

Take a deep breath. I know everything seems so out of control, so start with the one thing you can control. YOU. Work on yourself like there is no tomorrow. Work on your recovery, get healthy, see a substance abuse counselor, get some new hobbies, volunteer, journal, anything and everything- just throw yourself into bettering yourself. Keep yourself busy, set small goals for each day, each week, and each month.

I am sorry you are hurting, please do not give up on yourself.

Gottalife

I am sorry to hear fo your circumstances. It seems to be the nature of alcoholism, it progressively takes away everything dear to us, even our self respect.
The good news is you can recover and getting back old relationships is not essential to recovery. In fact it is very risky to have a recovery dependent on what someone else says or does.

I'll quote you a little wisdom from the AA big book.

"Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no job - wife or no wife - we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God.

Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone."

uncorked

Hi whathave, my husband filed for divorce b/c of my drinking so I feel your pain. I'm so very sorry. There is life beyond loss but it takes awhile. Have compassion for and be kind to yourself. If you are remaining sober, that's the best gift you can give yourself at this time. Is there a divorce support group near you? That can be very helpful.

whathaveidone84

ive managed to not drink through all of this, but as ive said in previous posts i must be one of the lucky ones to not be consumed by the AV or any urges for that matter.....my drinking was the cause of her leaving and when she left i finally stopped, same day and havent looked back. i miss her so much and i really would do anything for her....guess i was in so much denial about my drinking that i didnt think it was a problem, but it has ultimately cost me my marriage - i shouldnt say it like that i keep passing blame, IVE cost MYSELF my marriage with alcohols help i guess....anyway ive continued as you have said to control all i can, which is me - i am fitter healthier and 'richer' having not been wasting money on booze. the only thing i am missing is my wife i love her so god damn much and its really killing me that ive lost her. im not giving up hope, we tried counselling and it was a bust but i dont think i was ready for counselling when we tried it. i havent been with anyone else since the split and i dont think (and hope beyond hope) that she hasnt either as that would firmly close the door on our relationship. im so ashamed of myself and ive traveled the same road as my uncle despite many warnings from many people. I am however in a much better state than i was at xmas when i joined here....i will continue to invest my strength in my new hobby (ice hockey) and my work, continue healing as a person and just hope for the best. at least if it doesnt work out i know i wont turn back into a total mess. i know im strong as a person and i know i am definitely getting my **** together (i paid of my 9500$ visa bill in 4 months) but it doesnt take the pain away of missing her. i bought myself a gopro for hockey as a wee reward for clearing the visa, ill be doing lots of video editing and capturing which will be great for my mind and i absolutely love it - maybe i can upload some links for you guys to look at and maybe inspire you to stay sober and see what you can become!! the sober road is golden for me, a life missing poor decisions and regrets, wasted money and harsh words to undeserving people. hangover free is just incredible. thanks for the support guys and good luck on the roads youre all travelling

thanks, Bill