jphendrix83

I am 12 days sober today, and just found out today that while I was in detox my husband went to the liquor store twice. I found out because of the credit card bill. Now he's mad at me because I got mad at him saying that it passes him off that he can't go spend anything without me knowing. Well, I am the one that does the bills and checkbook. It's taking every bit of will power not to go get something to drink! Am I right to be pissed or should I just let it go?

JD

Now what good would drinking do? Would you do it just to **** off your husband? For some reason us alcoholics like to hurt ourselves thinking we're getting back at someone else.

jphendrix83

Not really to **** him off. I wanted to last night before I found out abt it but fought the urge. It just seems harder to fight knowing that he did that while I was in detox. He says he's not gonna drink to help me. I haven't done it yet because I feel like that week would be a waste if I did. Should I just let it go? If so how?

doggonecarl

The last time you drank because you were angry at your husband (blistered, you called it) you ended up in the hospital.

Do you want a repeat of that?

Don't drink.

Dave42001

Heck ya I'd be mad! Just out of detox and goes to the booze store twice?? WTF?

I really feel your pain, I really do! I'm just trying to be honest saying this.. It doesn't sound like he's finished yet!

I'm sorry you're dealing with this, wishing you the best!

least

It wasn't her husband who just got out of detox, it was her, and she's upset cause he went to get booze while she was in detox.

Dave42001

I apologize! Is there any mods out there or can you delete my post least?

JD

Jphendrix, I'm not sure what your husband's relationship with alcohol is. But it doesn't matter. You need to get and stay sober for yourself iregardless of what your husband does. Yes, it would be nice if he supported you by not drinking, but that's all it is. Being nice. You're still responsible for your sobriety.

Berrybean

You want to punish him by throwing away your sobriety?

Urrrm. ..

jphendrix83

Its not that im trying to get back at him, its that i still want to drink and it just upsets me that he did that. He hasnt gotten any since the second day I was in there, but he has asked me how I would feel if he drank a beer. I told him no he didn't need to because that would make me want it that much more. Life seems so boring without it and I'm trying to fight through everything. I feel like it's an uphill battle with something making me want to drink every time I turn around. It's so hard relearning how to deal with all this stress without the alcohol!

endlesspatience

If, as least says, you went to hospital and detox because of your last drinking session, I'd be inclined to take the "boring" experience of being sober in preference to that.

Anyway, why don't you make a plan to do something interesting this weekend that doesn't involve drinking? I met some friends, read a book and chatted to my wife over dinner.

Berrybean

I think basically you're just attaching yourself to this because your AV is trying to tell you that if you drink now it would be HIS fault. But as we know, our AVS are filthy liars. If you took a drink now, it would be out of your own choice, because we are all responsible for our own sobriety.

I would suggest...

1. Deal with that resentment. Lose it somewhere. The resentment prayer can be very helpful for this. Whether or not he bought booze is irrelevant to the problem you are facing right now. Have you ever heard the phrase 'Tilting at Windmills? ' It means distracting yourself from a real problem, by imagining a nonexistent enemy or adversary. Your husband is NOT your biggest enemy here. Your AV is your biggest enemy. Do not listen to it.

2. Play the tape forward. If you took a drink now, what would happen? How would you feel tomorrow? What damage and chaos would you be inviting back into your life?

3. Instead of focusing on the self-pitying thoughts of depriving yourself of a drink, make a conscious decision to focus on some gratitude for what you DO have.

4. Help someone else. Maybe someone in your home environment, or someone on here. Offer encouragement or support to someone else who needs it. (That shift of focus can work wonders).

5. Eat something sugary. Ice cream or candy.

6. Go to a meeting.

tomsteve

as berrybean pointed out this reads more like a resentment because he drank and you cant, which yoy actually can but the consequences will be horrible.


early recovery isn't easy. but its nothing a drink will make easier. theres a lot of learning happening- learning how to live life on lifes terms without running to alcohol, which alcohol was my solution for everything.
which that didn't work for crap.
so I started learning how to live life on lifes terms, which took time.
although I had thoughts of drinking, I knew in my heart alcohol wasn't a solution any more.

nope learning isn't easy.
but it will get easier as long as ya don't drink.
so
don't drink even if yer arse falls off!

AdelineRose

I don't know if your husband has an alcohol problem, but just because we choose to stop drinking or using does not mean that our loved ones are obligated to stop also. He drank while you were in detox, he probably saw it as you were not there so it would not affect your sobriety. Besides the fact that you saw it on the bill it really had nothing to do with you, although the little voice in our head likes to take anything and everything as an excuse to drink.

We have to learn to be sober no matter what he situation, no matter where we are, and no matter who is drinking around us. While it would be nice if he was supportive and did not drink, it doesn't always work out that way.

Have you made a recovery plan?

TheEnd

Does your husband have a drinking problem or just you? I only ask this because, while it would be great if your husband supported you in your journey of not drinking, there is nothing to say that is the way it will go. If your husband did stop drinking, yes, that would give you additional support. However, your husband quitting drinking or not, should not be a determinant on whether you try to get better yourself. You need to take that resentment and get rid of it, because it will only bring you misery and sabotage what you are trying to accomplish.

That being said. Maybe sit down with your husband and ask him seriously if he is willing to go on this journey with you, at least temporarily. If he says, NO, then you have to pull up your big girl pants and make the necessary changes to better your own life. Who knows, he might see how great your life is becoming in sobriety and decide to jump on board.

couchloc

Let it roll, focus is on your own sobriety.

Gottalife

If you need an excuse, that's as good (or feeble) as any. Untreated alcoholism can always find an excuse if it needs one. Resentment is probably the most common, and it don't make a lot of sense when you look at it.

It is like drinking the poison yourself and expecting the other person to die.

You can get sober regardless of anything. In AA we sometimes say the only requirements are to trust (your) God, and clean house. We have found trying to get others to comply with our expectations never works.

fini

so you want to get a bottle because something upset you...
so you're 12 days sober...
i remember lots of things upsetting me, both when drinking and esp. when newly sober.
i also remember really well the crazy "drink, gottaDRINK" voice in my head.
because that's what i'd done for three decades: drink when upset. or feeling anything else.
so when i quit i didn't really know what to do when i got upset. and since lots of stuff upset me, i got stuck within myself a lot

you know, jp, this is one tiny upset in the ocean of upsets that's still to come.
so follow up on your detox by finding and joining others who have tools to deal with upsets, ways of being that work well for them and don't include drinking over upsets or anything else.
regardless of whether you have reason to be angry, or good reason, bad reason, middling reason...none of them need translate into drinking, and none of them justify it.

SR is full of different ways, programs, techniques people use to carry on soberly, no matter what.

Ali2013

No, no, no. I came home from work a bit early a few days ago and my husband was off that day, working in the yard. And drinking beer. It hit me really hard. But he is a normie and I am not. I felt quite squirrelly. I understand how you feel. But let it go. Don't drink.

Hawkeye13

My husband drinks daily and didn't quit because I did.

You are getting sober for you, so what he does or doesn't do in terms of drinking
is no excuse for you to pick up unless you make it one.

I hope you choose sobriety--it gets easier as the days and weeks pass truly.
What does you future hold if you keep drinking?
That's what sobered me up in the end.
Be strong. You can do it.