JK130

You only get to control you. Not anyone else. And that's enough. It's good. You CAN control you. The early times in sobriety are sometimes really hard, especially emotionally. Did you learn any techniques in hospital that you can use now? Also, and this is a real suggestion, try eating ice cream. Sweets helped me even out emotionally.

Dee74

Hey jphendrix

drinking at someone is like taking poison and waiting for the other guy to die.

I'm not sure whether you both agreed to quit or what, but I think everyone needs to run their own race...it would be great if everyone else stopped drinking along with us, but it's not likely in a lot of cases.

We live in a world of drinkers.

Thats why SR and places like it are so important - you'll find good advice and support here

D

MelindaFlowers

If he's not an alcoholic then I would let it go.

My husband drinks but is not an alcoholic. It doesn't bother me. There is a liquor store about 800 feet from my house. That doesn't bother me either. When I fully accepted that I would never drink alcohol again these things didn't bother me.

Notimetoloose

jphendrix83, early sobriety is hard, conflict can be a real trigger...getting sober is about you and your well-being.
As hard as it is, focus all your attention on what keeps you sober.
Remember HALT...have a plan when you feel like drinking; try not to engage him in conflict; it can cripple your good intentions and trigger cravings. It will get easier in time.

Delilah1

Holding on to it, and being angry isn't going to help you move forward. Let it go, and if he is not going to drink around you that will be very supportive! I stopped drinking, but my husband has not. It made things a little more difficult in the beginning, but the decision to get sober was mine.

I always try to remember we can't control others actions, just how we react to them. Let it go, and focus on you. How are you feeling after your detox? Did they help you come up with a plan for moving forward?

jphendrix83

He is an alcoholic too! The hospital 1013 him in March when he drank so much he was blacked out, threating to shoot himself, and hit me(they don't know he hit me, because that's not him, and I didn't tell him, he had never done that in 15 yrs of marriage, he still doesn't remember it, all he knows is he saw the bruises) My sister called them. He almost lost his job too! He says he doesn't act like me when he drinks, and can drink or not, hes right about not drinking at times, but we have been enabling each other for awhile. He told me that he won't drink to help me so we will see. The detox set me up with an appt with a counsler, and when I went it was just a q&a, and they set me another appt for this coming Tues. with another counsler. I didn't end up drinking yesterday! I am very grateful that I didn't and don't have a hangover this morning. I haven't completely let it go yet, but it's not bothering me as much. He told me he wasn't gonna drink later in the week after he had done that. He needs to quit just as much as me.
Is a bac of 274 alcohol poisoning? That's what it was when I went to the hospital.

jphendrix83

Thanks to everyone! All of your insight has helped me to start letting it go! I will get better, just really hard right now!

KiKi0615

Hi JP,

First of all I'm glad you didn't drink yesterday! Second, I just wanted to say I really relate to your struggle. My husband is a "normal" drinker but he knows how hard I am trying and he came home last night really buzzed and it pissed me off. I gave him a dirty look, walked straight up stairs to my bedroom, slammed the door and started reading & calming myself down.

I had to ask myself why I was quitting? Am I doing it for ME or for him? I closed my eyes and took some deep breaths and really thought about why I am choosing sobriety. My answer was "because every time I drink my life goes to hell and I am sick and tired of being sick and tired!" There were many more reasons but you get the idea.

The only thing I can do is ask my husband to support me but I can't make him. I'm trying to be my own best friend right now and build a strong support group through SR, AA and soon IOP & counseling.

I can't tell you how many times I have used HIS drinking as an excuse for MY drinking! I say, "F YOU...I will hurt ME!" It's not worth it anymore.

I used to go get drunk and then come home and say to my husband, "If you would support my sobriety and not drink I wouldn't NEED to drink! It's YOUR fault!"

What a bunch of BS! I was drinking because I'm an alcoholic! Hell...if the wind blew too hard that day I probably would have drank!

Anyway, try to just focus on YOU right now. Can you get to some AA meetings for face to face support? I know for a fact that most people there would totally relate to your circumstance and give great support!

Sending hugs and prayers...

jphendrix83

Thanks! We do sound alot alike. He is an alcoholic too. He says I don't get as bad as you, and I tell him that doesn't mean that he's not and alcoholic! He's just been controling it since is blackout in March! I even just found out that he has drank since I have been home. When he told me when I got out that there wouldn't be anymore drinking. He says he can stop so we will see! He told me yesterday that he had gone and gotten a bottle about Thursday, but he's not going to anymore. I think the only reason he told me is because Im gonna see it in another month when I get the cc bill in the mail, and he wanted to get it over with while I was still pissed about the other times while I was in there.
But at least I haven't drank since I came home. Today makes 14 days! I am going to try to make the noon AA meeting here. Don't know how I'll like it but it's worth a try, I also have an appt in the morning to see a counslor.
I just want to be in a place where I am happy and not so sad all the time!

gaffo

Fourteen days is awesome! I am proud of you. Early sobriety can be so tough. It's not going to be easy for a while yet but you have soldiered through some of the hardest stuff. Great work!

My wife is a drinker, we drank together from the first moment that we met. When I quit I was hoping for something, I'm not even sure what now, but whatever it was I didn't get it. Our relationship didn't reset to "newlywed". She was invited to an alanon meeting but was not interested. She would put "wine" on the shopping list and order lots of drinks when we went out together. After a couple of years when she realized that I was never going to drink again she stopped tricking me into buying alcohol. Now she drinks cheap vodka from plastic bottles, a habit that I find somewhat alarming but who am I to question--I used to drink all day, every day and my excuses are the stuff of legend.

It's funny I don't feel qualified to assess whether someone else is alcoholic or not. Just me and I am. That's all I can work with. Honestly it doesn't matter if someone else is alcoholic or not, even my wife.

Good luck to you, jphendrix83. Enjoy not being hungover and not feeling the dread insanity of alcoholic drinking!

Soberwolf

Good job on two weeks sober that's awesome news congratulations

Dee74

way to go on two weeks jph

D

jphendrix83

Thanks ya'll! Ya'll have helped with ya'lls posts! Figured I'd give ya'll an update. I did go to an AA meeting Monday, and enjoyed it. I haven't been able to make it back the past couple of days, Tuesday had to take my cousin to the VA and then yesterday my Dr appt took to long so I am going to try to go today as long as nothing comes up! It's so odd not to have any kids here this morning. My son spent the night with a friend so it is so quiet! Peaceful!
I also went and talked to a counslor Tuesday and he says he wants to see me once a week for the next 4 weeks. Saw the Dr yesterday and he changed my meds. I was taking Celexa 20 mg in the morning, and Visteril 25 mg twice a day as needed for anxiety, which didn't really do anything but make me sleep since it is only a anti-histamine. He started me on Wellbutrin 100mg in the morning, and topamax 25 mg at bedtime. We will see if it helps, he said it should help with my weight. I also told him that I still wanted to drink but have been fighting the urge.
17 days sober! And not hungover!!!!!!!!!!!

Hawkeye13

Excellent positive steps jp!

You are really taking control of the situation for yourself!
I did some counseling right when I first quit and it really helped
me get at what some of the deep issues I covered with drinking were,
and to process and let them go.

It made it much easier to stay quit, though the "processing" part could
be hard--many tears and much anger released. . .bring some tissues with you.
Hugs on a great job--it is also fantastic you aren't letting what your husband does
or doesn't do set you off. That's a great habit to build

Notimetoloose

17 days is awesome, you are doing so well..congratulations

jphendrix83

Thanks Hawkeye and Notimetolose! Today is day 18 and the cravings are better. It didn't really bother me at all last night not to drink, but today is Friday, and I asked my husband to help me through the weekend, I do know that Friday, and Saturday are trigger days for me. Also, there is going to be a singer at the river tomorrow night, I would love to go, but I know that just about everyone there will be drinking. My mind tells me that of course there going to do something like that when I can't go, but I have to tell myself that of course it has nothing to do with me, just a coincedince. I know that I don't need to go, because it's gonna make me want to drink. At least I have an appt with my counsler Monday and can talk about that and the fact that I will be seeing my 16 yr old step daughter for the first time since August when we had a falling out. Kinda apprehensive on how that will go.