Lost my job
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
Jimmy you can do this a good Brit is Stout at heart and not because he drank so much Stout.. humor kiddo sometimes that is all that you have.. and a job.. get out there and kick the bricks hard. you can do this ...prayers from Wisconsin and a Mom..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 103
Humour is fair. I don't even have that, nor a job. The bricks kick me harder. Feel like a lost cause. Just tried to lose all my last pay on the football couldn't even do that. I don't deserve a decent life let alone money so why not try to get rid of it huh.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 103
Been to my 'smart' group for the last 4 weeks. Doesn't help. Just makes me vocalise the **** i live in. Me, i don't deserve sobriety. I understand now how much life wants me to fail. Doesn't matter WHAT i do to try and make things better, there's always something waiting around the corner to kick my ******* face to the dirt again.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Life throws punches at all of us Jimmy, no matter who we are or where we live or what we do. It's how we respond that makes a difference. Life cannot "want you to fail", you get to decide how your life proceeds. You can take steps to deal with it in a positive way ( meetings, therapy, rehab, self help, medical help ), just like you chose to come here to SR for help.
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: California, USA
Posts: 625
I just finished reading this thread young man. You CAN take charge of your life. You deserve to live with joy, and in peace. You can have that for yourself. When you take control, you'll be able to see visible relief from your loved ones, and the good feelings will multiply. Is it hard? Oh my yes! And it takes awhile, so the sooner you start, the sooner you'll feel better, then pretty soon you'll start to DO better.
I was impressed with your "throw away the key" move the other night. Maybe you should try some other practical "tricks". For example, get rid of your credit card for now, delete your account at any liquor store and Don't carry cash.
Out of work is tough, but it's also an opportunity to detox. Do it. Get some medical intervention asap, whether you like it or not. Use whatever the doctors recommend. Force yourself to exercise, eat well and sleep if you can. Recruit your mom to help. Do something good for other people. Go to AA, who cares if it's perfectly aligned with your beliefs - you are fighting for your life. Call the next couple of weeks a boot camp and get immersed in the busyness of physical activity. Throw away any alcohol, don't isolate, and do check in here often. We may be far away but we really do understand, and we've all been there. Be a fighter!
I was impressed with your "throw away the key" move the other night. Maybe you should try some other practical "tricks". For example, get rid of your credit card for now, delete your account at any liquor store and Don't carry cash.
Out of work is tough, but it's also an opportunity to detox. Do it. Get some medical intervention asap, whether you like it or not. Use whatever the doctors recommend. Force yourself to exercise, eat well and sleep if you can. Recruit your mom to help. Do something good for other people. Go to AA, who cares if it's perfectly aligned with your beliefs - you are fighting for your life. Call the next couple of weeks a boot camp and get immersed in the busyness of physical activity. Throw away any alcohol, don't isolate, and do check in here often. We may be far away but we really do understand, and we've all been there. Be a fighter!
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by jimmyc 
Me, i don't deserve sobriety. I understand now how much life wants me to fail. Doesn't matter WHAT i do to try and make things better, there's always something waiting around the corner to kick my ******* face to the dirt again.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 103
Victim of mentality? How does my mentality cost me my job despite me cutting down? How does mentality get me sexually abused? What does mentality have to say about depression since early secondary school?
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: California, USA
Posts: 625
I'm sorry that you are struggling with such big issues. You have to be stronger than the problems. You lost the job due to alcohol. You have control over that. Sexual abuse is not your fault, and does lasting damage. Please seek counseling help, and do what you need to do to make yourself whole again. Depression can be physiological or environmental. A good place to start to get a handle on depression is with medical professionals. Contrary to what one might think, alcohol makes depression much worse.
Sobriety for you would be a win (could seek and retain employment), win (could get rid of alcohol induced depression, so you can tell what, if any, treatments you might need), win (with a clear head you can tackle the effects of abuse).
Thanks for sharing so much of yourself. Have you made any decisions or plans regarding your drinking?
Sobriety for you would be a win (could seek and retain employment), win (could get rid of alcohol induced depression, so you can tell what, if any, treatments you might need), win (with a clear head you can tackle the effects of abuse).
Thanks for sharing so much of yourself. Have you made any decisions or plans regarding your drinking?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
jimmy honestly, "life" has bigger fish than seeing to it that you fail.
You are in more control than you think.
I have lived this many, many times over and have near 20 years on you. I've got anxiety, OCD, a tic disorder and other things working against me, so please trust that I get it. I have been through a lot because of it all, and have no family that cares either.
It is just up to you if you want to stop drinking. We are just trying to help you save your own neck. It took me well over a decade to even get this far with sobriety at half a year and I cannot promise pink clouds, happiness or that anything gets better but what I can say is the earlier you quit the better- if only because you can get down to the nitty gritty of addressing (for yourself not anyone else) this issue of sexual abuse and depression. It may be cliche however drinking is basically continuing the abuse to yourself.
I had very, very abusive parents. Not only do I survive that but also the silly presumptions and judgements that can often follow if anyone finds I am no longer in contact with them. I deal with that presently. But in essence I finally just thought that if I die drinking then my abusers can continue to blame me and accept zero responsibility for their actions.
You are in more control than you think.
You do the right things to make changes and it punches you square in the face.
It is just up to you if you want to stop drinking. We are just trying to help you save your own neck. It took me well over a decade to even get this far with sobriety at half a year and I cannot promise pink clouds, happiness or that anything gets better but what I can say is the earlier you quit the better- if only because you can get down to the nitty gritty of addressing (for yourself not anyone else) this issue of sexual abuse and depression. It may be cliche however drinking is basically continuing the abuse to yourself.
I had very, very abusive parents. Not only do I survive that but also the silly presumptions and judgements that can often follow if anyone finds I am no longer in contact with them. I deal with that presently. But in essence I finally just thought that if I die drinking then my abusers can continue to blame me and accept zero responsibility for their actions.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Well, for me jimmy- I got mad.
I got so mad at what l was handed in life through no fault/ choice of my own. Defective grey matter and an abusive family? How was I prepared for life? I wasn't. No doubt, I turned to alcohol after I couldn't hack it anymore, after many years of trying my best.
I got so mad at being harmed by the very people that were meant to protect me. So I am going to be informed and learn what I can and I just needed to be sober for all that.
Now if life is kicking you around, drinking only helps that along, especially the kind of drinking we types do.
Basically I got mad at "life".
I got so mad at what l was handed in life through no fault/ choice of my own. Defective grey matter and an abusive family? How was I prepared for life? I wasn't. No doubt, I turned to alcohol after I couldn't hack it anymore, after many years of trying my best.
I got so mad at being harmed by the very people that were meant to protect me. So I am going to be informed and learn what I can and I just needed to be sober for all that.
Now if life is kicking you around, drinking only helps that along, especially the kind of drinking we types do.
Basically I got mad at "life".
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