pixy

I was sober for 5 years, and then talk one gulp of wine straight out of a bottle before I really knew what I was doing.

Told my sponsor what I had done and she said I had lost my 5 years.

So full of anger and resentment that I had lost my time over 1 mouthful that I went out the next day and thought if I have gone back to day 1 then it will be over a proper drink and bought a bottle.

Would I have got drunk properly if she had been a sponsor who insisted my sobriety had not gone? I have no idea, back up to nearly 3 years sober, and the days that people have don't seem to matter so much to me. I was lucky, I only drank for a week. Incidentally she stopped being my sponsor, and only after a year of being back in AA and sober did she agree to take me back.

Pixy

Mountainmanbob

so·ber

/ˈsōbər/

adjective

adjective: sober; comparative adjective: soberer; superlative adjective: soberest

1.

not affected by alcohol; not drunk.

synonyms: not drunk, clearheaded; More
teetotal, abstinent, abstemious, dry;

informalon the wagon

"the driver was clearly sober"

antonyms: drunk

•serious, sensible, and solemn.
"a sober view of life"

synonyms: serious, solemn, sensible, thoughtful, grave, somber, staid, levelheaded, businesslike, down-to-earth, commonsensical, pragmatic, conservative; More
unemotional, dispassionate, objective, matter-of-fact, no-nonsense, rational, logical, straightforward

"a sober view of life"

antonyms: frivolous

•free from alcoholism; not habitually drinking alcohol.
"I've been clean and sober for five years"

•muted in color.
"a sober gray suit"

synonyms: somber, subdued, severe; More
conventional, traditional, quiet, drab, plain

"a sober suit"

antonyms: flamboyant

verb

verb: sober; 3rd person present: sobers; past tense: sobered; past participle: sobered; gerund or present participle: sobering

1.

make or become sober after drinking alcohol.
"that coffee sobered him up"

synonyms: quit drinking, dry out, become sober
"I ought to sober up"

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e·qua·nim·i·ty

/ˌekwəˈnimədē/

noun

noun: equanimity

mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation.
"she accepted both the good and the bad with equanimity"

synonyms: composure, calm, level-headedness, self-possession, coolheadedness, presence of mind; serenity, tranquility, phlegm, imperturbability, equilibrium; poise, assurance, self-confidence, aplomb, sangfroid, nerve; informalcool
"she confronted the daily crises with equanimity"

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

se·ren·i·ty

/səˈrenədē/

noun

noun: serenity

the state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled.
"an oasis of serenity amidst the bustling city"

•a title given to a reigning prince or similar dignitary.

August252015

What Jeffrey said. Exactly.

DayTrader

Sounds to me like he's a recovered alcoholic to me - recovered from a hopeless state of mind and body. Elsewhere in the AA book Bill wrote "we couldn't drink even if we would" as he described what being recovered is all about.

Personally, I was horrified to discover drinking wasn't my REAL problem...that it wasn't THE problem. On the other hand, I suspected that there really was something much more sinister at work than my alcoholic drinking since "not drinking" always seemed to feel worse.

As for is he still sober? That's HIS call, not mine, not ours. The definition of sober when the AA book was written - and the way in which Bill used it in his book was "of sane mind and sound judgment." Perhaps he was totally sane and sound in his conducting of an experiment. Was he drinking to escape, to get drunk, to get a sense of peace and ease that used to come at once with the first drink, to once again experience the effect of alcohol (which for any alkie out there took more than one drink)? Doesn't sound like it to me.

Should he change his date? None of my or our business and entirely up to him.
To thine own self be true.

Gottalife

That's a view I hadn't considered mike. Does recovered mean immunity from the phenomenon of craving. He took the drink. Is this drink somehow different from the first drink?

"These observations would be academic and pointless if our friend never took the first drink, thereby setting the terrible cycle in motion"

advbike

That's ridiculous. A very common sort of AA extremism that can lead to people never coming back and dying of the disease. I would have talked to you about it, understood exactly what happened and what your intentions were. If it was accidental, you certainly wouldn't have lost your sobriety in my book.

Ken33xx

Ones sobriety date is an ever-expanding reward system. The AA tradition of given out token or chips for days of sobriety is intended to be a helpful reminder of what people have accomplished. The flip side is if you slip you cannot avoid feeling like a failure, because right or wrong that’s exactly what the system is designed to tell you.

For me if I deliberately drank a beer I wouldn`t feel right if I didn`t change my sobriety date. I`d be lying to myself and as soon as it became apparent I could get away with it I would probably do it again.

TheEnd

This was my same experience as well when I was about 6 months sober. I had taken a drink and kept drinking, because the people around me kept making me feel so guilty about that drink. I figured what else do I have at this point. I don't see how this approach is useful for anyone.

Sometimes I feel like AA is like this hierarchy that has been built up and people inherently think they are better than other people because of the amount of sober time they have acquired. If the program is based on the concept "One Day at a Time"; why is someone with 20 years better than someone with 20 days? Or this one "Progress not Perfection" which is another popular quote in AA; why does the program stand on this premise, then bash someone after they have taken a gulp of wine? If the person in AA is essentially striving for progress, why are they punished for not being perfect? Seems contradictory. This thread wasn't about AA as my friend doesn't follow their program, but it's something I always wondered.

ScottFromWI

This is a "People" problem, not a "program" problem. Certainly there are people in AA who act like you describe, but there are people like that in other sobriety programs and really in all walks of life.

tomsteve

Rationalization is giving a socially acceptable reason for socially unacceptable behavior, and socially unacceptable behavior is a form of insanity

january161992

Arbor

"Making ME feel?" No. You kept drinking because your alcoholic.

That is the wrong perception on a program that has helped so many.

ScottFromWI

Folks - a reminder that arguments/debates about specific recovery methods are not allowed in the public forums. Posts have been removed and the thread will be closed if the debates continue.

Live2Run25

I came here specifically to see if I could find something on this subject, and found this thread within minutes, it kind of feels like kismet.

21 days ago I took a sip of alcohol being almost 4 years sober. I chose to be sober because my dad who had barely survived a bender, needed someone and I was drinking too much at the time, so I tagged along on the sober journey (never went to AA or anything). I am struggling badly with how I feel inside about resetting my "sobriety date". I haven't drank anymore in those 21 days, and it's made me realize that I DO NOT want to drink, but those days I built up are very important to me, and starting over seems catastrophic. I do not deem it necessary to list out why I did it, because it doesn't matter now. I put it down after one sip and stopped. Was it a relapse? I don't know, and I don't know why I want someone else to answer that for me. Really what I'm getting from this post, is it is up to ME to decide what I do. This doesn't affect anyone else BUT me.

It was really really hard to come here and write this post, but I feel like I need to get out. It is really strange to me to feel this way, and find this post on the first page that I looked at. It doesn't make sense, but I feel like I am supposed to comment here.

BlissWithin

Hi Live2Run

As far as I'm concerned, what really matters are the intentions a person has when they decide to drink again, sometimes a sip is all that takes for someone to return to binge drinking every day, and there is no amount of sober time that will change the alcoholism switch in our brains.

For me I wouldn't care about "losing" my sobriety date. Focusing on recovery is more important.

Grungehead

I agree this is what it all boils down to. If there is any inner conflict over changing your sobriety day or leaving it the same then that needs to be resolved in order to move forward. Like I said in a previous post, both times I relapsed after long-term sobriety I did stop after one sip or one drink so there was no inner conflict, just a return to the misery of active alcoholism.

hellrzr

"I do not deem it necessary to list out why I did it, because it doesn't matter now."

Live2Run25, this is the real issue. Not that you just had a sip or drank for a week. It's why you did it that matters. Your relapse started far before you took that sip and that is the relapse, not just the sip of alcohol.

It took a lot of courage for you to come forward and make your post. It sounds like what happened really bothers you and in AA they would say to thy own self be true. To move forward you need to be honest with yourself or this event will eat you up over time.

Centered3

I'm surprised by a lot of these replies. To me, if alcohol passes my lips knowingly, I am not sober.

I even restarted my date because my thinking about drinking was way off and it would've been really bad if I drank the way I wanted to. That was enough for me to restart my date so I'll always have that reminder at the forefront of my mind.

Grungehead

Just an after the fact edit of a glaring typo I just noticed in my last post. Where I typed "I did stop after one sip or one drink" it was supposed to read "I didn't stop after one sip or one drink".

TheEnd

I think you answered your own question right here. If changing your sobriety date will cause more harm than good, then what good will come from this. While others might disagree, everyone has their own interpretation. Sobriety is a journey not a destination. Everyone's path does not look the same. While some people might go straight down the road, someone else's journey may not be so direct. You had one sip and realized that drinking was no longer for you, in my eyes you came out a winner, similar to my friend. I was a little perplexed with this idea when my friend originally told me about it, but after reading several posts and doing some research online, this is the conclusion that I have come to. I don't believe you wiped out 4 years of the sober life you built for yourself with one sip of alcohol.


"To Thine Own Self Be True" is the phrase. That's the only person you need to answer to. If you are OK with this experiment, then move on and continue down your road. If you were the type of person that needs to start from day 1 to make themselves feel OK, then that would be OK also.