sleepie

Hi all. Just hoped to find anyone who dealing with this as I do. Any one else here have trichotillomania? Probably not. I seem to be a cornucopia of rare and crushing dysfunctions.

It's been even worse in sobriety which I thought wasn't even possible. It is really encouraging agoraphobic tendencies. It is socially crippling and destroys the self esteem. I have lived with this for decades. Tried head shaving, tried meds tried therapy. The internet is full of people trying to find an answer. There isn't one.

Just would be good to know I am not the only one being reamed by their own grey matter in sobriety.

Soberwolf

I have had alopercia for two years it's been getting better for a while now you wouldn't even notice it if it wasn't for a touch of white hair at the back

I have also have agrophobia it can leave me housebound I do my best to combat it like group therapy I completed college courses I completed and CBT sessions I completed

It is still there and it can make me so depressed & alone but I do try to combat it

For example I went for a really long walk today and although I was shaking with nervous energy I done it the downpour of rain helped it was freezing too I got soaked but it was good just like when I was small

Your not alone x

sleepie

Hey SW love your changing avatars, and the GOTG theme Such a cute film I may watch it with bf later tonight, makes ya laugh makes ya cry, right?

I hate this disorder for so many reasons. It is fueled in part by anxiety which is fueled in part by sobriety. I really believe I have levels of anxiety that exceed that of many... I mean literally pulling your hair out? Yeah that's kinda serious?

I have tried it all. Nothing works. I have peppermint paste on my head atm for sheer desperation. I think I may just become a recluse. No part of life is appealing to me when I have fresh bald spots on my head.

This is the whole reason I was put on an SSRI years ago. Which aggravated my tic disorder. For which benzos were then prescribed. The rest is history. Fun times.

Delizadee

I had a friend in high school that dealt with that sleepie. she tried all kinds of different things too. I'm sorry you're dealing with that.
I deal with a lot of anxiety too. I'm very impulsive/compulsive about some things and I get overwhelmed easily. I don't pull my hair but I twirl it all the time. It's a nervous habit and it drives me nuts. I'm also a skin picker and skin biter. I bite the skin off around my nails until it's raw and bleeding. It's gets really bad sometimes and if i get acne pick at it constantly as well as scabs. I won't even start to describe how bad my eating is. It's worse and more embarrassing than having a drinking problem in a lot of ways.
The agoraphobia for me has been bad at times. I think a big part of it is situational.
I'm sure there's lots more I'm forgetting but those are the big ones for me. Just a grab bag o fun I am. :/

sleepie

Yep got the skin biting thing too and got a monster infection as a kid. Mom dragged me over to my father screaming "Look at this!" then seared it with a needle, screamed at me some more then locked me in my room as usual. Knuckles permanently scarred because I anxiously gnawed them to the point of scarring as a kid. I have always been very ashamed of my hands... I was even told they look old, by a stranger when I was in my 20's. But yeah... always chewing and picking my whole life. What really upsets me is the permanent damage like my scarred hands... that invite rude comments from other people. I mean it's anxiety that caused me to do it, I am anxious even being in public and then someone says something rude and I fell like s*** again and regret having left the house.

zjw

it really is amazing just how rude people can be. I grew a beard for a couple years my gosh all the rude comments i got. like to my face too. that looks ugly you should sahve that thing. you look lik ea homeless person thats so awful etc.. people that where like not even my friends and such. It became a bit of a social expierment to me i was like this is amazing just how rude people can be.

I think i got a lot wierd stuff in varying degrees at varying different times just most is never really bad enough to warrant seeing a professional.

I went through a phase with ripping my eyebrow hair out and eye lashes no good reason 'd sit there all day pulling it out but it was never like visibly bad i just pulled the stuff that came out easily.

I have times where i dont wanna leave the house like this week I went no where i went out side to run thats about it never went anywhere else and this is pretty common for me. Sometimes i get a fear to do that even then it fades away. This week theres no ryme or reason to it I just didnt care to go nowhere no big deal. Other times i'm nervous about something and dont go somewhere other times its no issue at all.

Going far from my house can get me tho if we have to go more then an hour away i might start to get pretty anxious and worried. Just the idea of it in my ehad becomes such a huge ordeal and a big undertaking.

I dont really understand it. But I try not to let it bother me and I"m happy to just stay local and not go no where anyhow so its not a huge deal to me.

strategery

Yup. I have trichillomania. Had it since I was thirteen or so, and it's mostly due to anxiety. However, the hair pulling is something you can work on, just like drinking. I still tug on my hair, esp when stressed, but no longer rip it out.

Leshar

My trich began at age 15, lots of anxiety. I was called "baldy" at school. As my drinking episodes increased, so did the trich. Lots of inventive ways to style my hair to cover the bald spot. Since I stopped drinking, over two years ago, I was happily surprised that I stopped pulling out my hair. So from age 15 to 55 I tried over and over to stop. If I get stressed now I may find my hand reaching for my "favourite" area, and I may tug, but don't pull out, I quickly reach for a squeezy stress ball, it helps.
I really empathize that your trich is no better in sobriety, that's really disappointing for you. And people can be cruel, for sure.

CodeJob

Oh I've cycled thru several of these over the years, Sleepie.

I know my grandmother wore gloves when her nail beds were picked to shreds.

You are not alone.

mm222

Yep! I have it, too. Also anxiety, obviously, and an eating disorder. I'm a quadruple winner hahaha! You are not alone

sleepie

Leshar and Strategery, please tell me it grew back. I am so thin and grey up top now I look 15 years older than I am. I have been desperately scouring the internet for anything that can help it grow back. I am so sick of it. I have been looking for years on the internet about this dumb disorder and time and time again just find that there is no cure, and just have wait and hope it comes back and so sorry Charlie, nothing can be done about any of it.

strategery

My hair grew back, but it took time. I also had to do a lot of work on making sure I wasn't pulling my hair out. I had a tendency of going for the same spots for ripping out hair and tended to pull when I wasn't actively thinking about it. It would grow back and I would then be back at square one if I pulled that section again.

Autumnlover19

Yes I bite and pick the skin around my nails until they are painful and bloody. There is pink scar tissue all around each fingernail. It's disgusting, it's embarrassing. I have tried many things over the years. Still struggling. I go through phases it seems. Sometimes it got worse when I was drinking, sometimes better because I was too drunk to chew. Sometimes it gets worse when I am sober, sometimes better.
I've tried numerous ADs over the years, not one has seemed to help this obsessive disorder. I wish there was a magic pill. I've tried vitamins, inositol, cod liver oil, folic acid, biotin, iron. No noticeble difference. The ONLY thing that helps is constantly applying lotion and making a conscious effort to not even look at my hands. I sit on them! Otherwise I look for skin to pick.

I feel your pain, all who posted.

Jojomano123

Count me in! I have so many isms it's not funny!
Mainly I'm a skin picker. My face is full of scars😥 I've been doing it since I was 21 or 22. I'm now 56. If anyone finds an answer to this, let me know!
You're definitely not alone.

Leshar

Sleepie, I really do get your pain and frustration. I bought tons of hair grow products, saw a dermatologist, who was weird, he had me count out how many hairs I pulled out in one session(!), bought work books on dealing with trich, but nothing helped except, weirdly, thankfully, stopping drinking. In my case, the hair has grown back, but it's still thin in this one particular spot, plus my hair thinned out a lot over menopause. My hairdresser said that all those years of pulling damaged the hair follicles. Not what you want to hear, I know. It has grown back, I mean no one would call me baldy now. I colour my hair and that makes it look thicker, I think.
Thinking of you, I know you have a lot to deal with.

sleepie

I just had a total breakdown because of this stupid disorder ruining me.
I have vowed not to go out in the world until my hair grows in. If it never does then oh well. It's not worth the stress it causes. Just not worth it at all.

Soberwolf

sending hugs Sleepie x

Autumnlover19

Aw, I'm sorry Sleepie. I know how that feels. Don't give up.

sleepie

I'm in my 40's guys. It's just worn me down to have to live with this for so long. It started with my lashes and brows when I was only 13.

The looking awful, the avoiding the hair dresser- I didn't even have a professional hair cut for 15 years. Not one time in my life have I ever just gotten dressed, fixed my hair a little and gone out. Not once. And I couldn't even get past pixie cut length until I was near 40 years old. I basically had a shaved head or menopause style cut my whole life. It's just another thing that is so basic that I never got to have or experience in life.

I was trying to get ready to do a social obligation and I just broke down as soon as I had to look at myself in a mirror. I can't even get dressed and go out. All the pretending it isn't noticeable or covering and hiding it and just forcing myself to act happy despite dying inside is just over. I can't anymore. I've been doing it for decades. I am worn right out 100 percent.

sleepie

And for anyone who wants to judge me and thinks I am negative because of this- I'd advise them to shave a few bald spots into their head for the next 20 years and then tell me how you feel about yourself and life.