StarXI

Hello all..
Sadly I'm back here with a relapse.
Very ashamed and frustrated with myself.

I have a few questions -
After a binge last Friday and a horrendous hang over (alcohol poisoning I'm sure) I never fully recovered despite continuing to drink at my "regular rate" all week (Aprox two btls of wine plus a few beers daily). Lots of brain fog,/cognition issues/anxiety /etc.

Still expieriencing "withdrawl symptoms" a week later-
Tachycardia of 180bpm for 10 hours straight, palpitations
Anxiety, and now suddenly night sweats/nightmares/inability to fall or stay asleep for two nights, strange skin sensations, sort of dream/wake
Hallucinations while falling asleep - but no more than an hour total sleep in two nights.

Yesterday during the day I was relatively ok. Went on a walk, ate... So I suspected I was getting better - until last night.

Not sure my next step at this point.
I've been hospitalized 4 times in the last few years due to this .
Brilliant - I know!
I've had alcohol related complications such as anemia, Hypokalemia, kidney infection, elevated liver levels, etc.

I have a prescription for Gabbapentin and. Librium (from the ER) that I never ended up taking.

The last few days I have decreased my consumption by maybe 2 drinks or so - plus hydrating and eating small meals and taking supplements .

Not sure if I should continue my taper and hope it doesn't progress - attempt to medicate myself with the prescriptions and not drink at all - attempt to go back to the ER to be monitored and maybe prescribed something else - or try to find a detox facility.

Frustrated with myself - feeling alone and scared but determined to get back to sobriety.

Pretty sure my life depends on it.

Just venting I suppose - thanks for listening .

ALinNS

Thanks for your post, this is just my personal experience, Librium did not work for me, Valium worked very well. I would however encourage you to seek medical help based on your post, withdrawl is dangerous in itself add to that the other complications you mention and I really think a doctors input is very important.

All the best
Andrew

Mountainmanbob

You remind me of me in the old days.
Trips to rehabs and Emergency Hospitals
only to return to running with the liquid devil.
After telling myself that I would stay away from the beast.

I have found it to be best for us to look at booze as the liquid devil.
No reason to fool ourselves -- we have done that enough.

Question -- when do you think that you can be booze free.
As we know -- that is where sobriety starts.
Until that point in time came for me
I was only fooling myself.

Who is a fool ?
A fool is one who fools themself.

Bob

JeffreyAK

Sounds to me like you need to stop drinking. If you already have detox meds (Librium) given to you for this purpose, there's really no reason to "taper", which sounds like isn't happening anyways.

entropy1964

I probably didn't read your post right but you've continued to drink and are having all these issues? If yes, your body is telling you its done. I would definitely go to the ER and get help. No shame there.

ScottFromWI

I'd speak with a medical professional, your history of hospitalizations and current symptoms need to be evaluated carefully. Each subsequent detox can get worse so please seek help and be safe.

thomas11

I'm no doctor but 180 bpm for 10 hours and palpitations!? I'd get your behind into an ER. You've also had very little sleep.

Soberwolf

Backing up what Scott posted please be careful & seek medical attention Star x

MIRecovery

So you experienced alcohol poisoning and your solution was to drink 2 bottles of wine plus beer per day to get better. Now you are wondering why you aren't feeling well.

If you are honest with yourself you know what the problem is and the solution.

The best way to quit drinking is to quit drinking. I would recommend a medically supervised detox

StarXI

Thanks for replying everyone.

Yes - I stupidly thought I could get back to "feeling normal" after my binge and hang over by returning to drinking 15 units per day.
Apparently that's worked in the past for me...
But not this time.

Third night in a row with zero sleep -
I think I'm going to go to the ER and have my levels checked and at least see what they say?
Would hate to have lover or kidney failure or sepsis and just shrug it off as a super long hang over and withdrawals.

Heart rate has been jumping around a lot.
Falling asleep for a few minutes and waking up sweating and having strange sensations.
I've never experienced this before.

Very agitated and lots of anxiety for a week straight.

The problem is - finding a medical detox facility that takes my insurance. I have medi-cal and it's a nightmare navigating the low end health system
here. I feel like I'm deaf and blind searching around for help.

I think if alcoholics were great at getting help - we probably wouldn't be in this situation to begin with.

I am completely terrified why I'm as I am - and as many times as I've done this - I keep relapsing.
I'm a - one drink back to square one - alcoholic...
And I've never had any after care after the initial detox.

I'm so scared to die - but I don't know where to turn to for help.

The last to ER visits I was stabilized for a few hours and released - then back in the next day because my symptoms didn't subside - same thing again.

I managed to stay sober for a few weeks ... I just didn't know where to turn I guess.

I want to quit for good. I say that every time - and I mean it - so at this point I feel like I can't trust myself. The scariest feeling in the world. I feel utterly alone. The only person that I have is my boyfriend - and he's both my enabler - a toxic relationship - and completely sick of my antics with good reason.

I just want to be healthy again.
I want my life back.
I want sobriety.

JeffreyAK

Are you taking the librium you were already prescribed, as directed by the doctors? That stuff can really help, it doesn't make withdrawal easy but it does help, and more importantly it makes detox far less likely to lead to seizures.

MIRecovery

You may wish to give salvation army a call. They provide free or low cost treatment and are likely knowledgeable about navigating the system

AdelineRose

Please go to the emergency room, heart rate jumping around and a heart beat of 180 alone is nothing to play with never mind your history of conditions, your lack of sleep (are going to start seeing and hearing things very soon) and other symptoms you have mentioned.

You can ask the help for referrals to different medical detoxes and rehab centers that take medi cal they most likely know those in the area that work with it.

thomas11

Desperate times call for desperate measures....I would see if you can't get yourself into a rehab center. Money be damned. It might save your life.

ps. I used the "desperate" cliche, but I don't see rehab as a desperate move, it see it as a sensible solution.

stillpooh19

From the sounds of it you are having some pretty intense withdrawals that will only get worse every time you stop and start again.

The librium should help you stop. The gabapentin will help with the anxiety and sleep. So you may want to take the meds.

Call your insurance company and ask them where you can go. Some rehabs offer scholarships. I was in one in south Florida that offered scholarships.

Let that fear of dying remind you not to drink. I know how you feel. I went without sleep for about 7 days and the anxiety was off the meter. Feeling much better after 111 days, SAMe and gabapentin (which my doctor thinks i should be able to taper off of within the next month). JUST DONT DRINK! Call every rehab center that advertises here, you will find something. Best wishes!

Dee74

How are you feeling now Star?

D

Hawkeye13

Hope you are a bit better Star--please check in

alcoholics wife

My AH just checked into rehab yesterday. I talked to him today and he hasn't experienced any withdrawal symptoms! I'm shocked as he has been a daily drinker for the past 15 years and his rehab program booked a detox just in case. Could his withdrawal symptoms creep up days after quitting alcohol cold turkey?

JeffreyAK

Not even insomnia, maybe feeling a bit agitated? Maybe he's lucky or wasn't as pickled as I was at the end, but in my experience if I was going to go through withdrawal, it started within 24 hours of my last drink - basically once my brain realized that the alcohol had stopped and wasn't coming back, and especially once my BAC dropped to around zero (which can take a day or more if you're really pickled and spiking up above 0.2 or more every night).

Delilah1

Hi Star,

I hope you are on your way to or in the ER, and that is why you aren't responding to posts. I think that is your best option. I know they gave you prescriptions, but those were not meant to be taken while actively drinking.

See if someone at the hospital can help you navigate through insurance and help you find an inpatient rehab. You mentioned you have been there before, maybe returning to that one is an option.

Please let us k ow how you are doing.

❤️ Delilah