Cow

Hi AO, and everybody. Thank you for kind words of support and sharing.

I not intend to use alcohol to control my mental health disorder, Bunny.

Whole thing just overwhelming and frightening. I keep tell my self to hang in there, but I fear is all too much and not headed to any good place. Is like damned if I do. Damned if I don't. In conclusion: I damned. Okay, has a nice evening.

sleepie

Is it maybe time for professional help?

Can you get it without them pushing pills on you?

I think I am damned as well Cow, but I guess at least I am in good company.

I don't like thinking of you alone with all this. I mean you need a friend is all.

Delizadee

Don't go too far Cow. You yourself said it's cathartic to be able to share openly on here. Even if you need to just yell, swear, have a hug, a laugh, or a good cry or anything else in between this is still your safe haven.
We're here for whatever you need

Courage your words really hit home to me. I had about a year and a half in my whole life where I felt so good and balanced and whole. I'm scared of stripping away all the issues, labeling my head and tackling different meds and what they may mean to who I am.
The containing the crazy thing... my addictions are like a tether to me. When I'm just living real life in my head in feel completely untethered. In a very frightening way.

sleepie

How???

I would settle for one solid week of any of it.

Also, I second what Deliza said Cow about this being your place, I kinda do like it when you are raw about what you go through, you don;t have to entertain here or be funny or anything you know Though I can understand and respect the need to steer a bit clear if responses are counterproductive to what you are going through. I am glad you checked in though, please- if you are considering picking up any substance can you just stop by here first?

courage2

I know, cow -- I was really posting that with D'dee in mind.

As for you, your sweet cow-ness, I don't think you're damned. But you probably need much closer monitoring than you've had. You can hope that once this manic spell fades you'll have a quiet period in between where you can catch your breath before the next round. Maybe you will. You might also try estrogen to ease the mood swings, which may be exacerbated by menopause. I know they say they won't prescribe you estrogen because of cancer risk factors (me too) but I also know when I told my ob/gyn that if she didn't give me estrogen I'd jump out a window, she did.

If you cycle back quickly into a severe depression, I strongly suggest you get your ass to a hospital.

Delizadee

How sleepie? Well... the stars kind of aligned... I got a lot of things in life that I wanted and worked hard for... mostly it came down to achieving those things and the hormonal changes of pregnancy and finally being able to stop having to work my butt off all the time and enjoy being out on our farm with the family.
Didn't take long before that all got p'd away.
Pregnancy and me get along very well, as with nursing. Everything before and after is an utter mess. Also post partum depression.
I really do feel for you Cow. I can only imagine what you're going through. My mom has been dealing with premenopause (is that the right term?) For a long time now it seems. I try not to look too far into the future because I just get so fatalistic with what I have to look forward to. Just for today right? And yes courage- the self medicating is always disastrous. I think it's too easy sometimes to revert to bad behaviors because it's hard getting the proper help in a timely and affordable fashion.

Is Cow getting enough sun and fresh air? I'm trying to get out every day for awhile and it's doing me good.

I truly sorry cow if I'm being a trigger or anything. Please let me know. And don't stray too far... unless you're roaming over to my farm. Always welcome here

kittycat3

Sorry cow, I didn't mean to make light of a scary situation.

Cow

Is no apologies necessary. I adores you all and know you want only best for me.

I trying to maintain sense of humor, but this maybe just not gonna be time when I can do that. Please bear with me. I sorry I get little frustrate with you guys. Is just that I so scared, lost and distress over the bi-polar stuff and acting out in way that feel dangerous to me, and then everybody was all light, humorous, "you go girl" reaction. And I guess I felt like I not being heard.

Anyways, well, I wake up in bad way again today. I behind in work now so just gonna has to suck it up and write nonstop next couple day. For those who ask, I doing all self care measures I can, researching other things, and still has prescribing doctor, but I not taking any more pills, I can't.

At this point, I feel like I has no idea what to become of me. The river has me, is too big and too turbulent to fight it. They is nothing left to do, but see where it spit me out.

Fabela

Even though the river seems to have taken control of you, there are always trees with branches hanging over the river. Grab hold on one of them and hold on. Soon someone will come and help you out. Promise. Thinking of you, dear Cow.

Delizadee

(((((Cow)))))

courage2

I hear you & respect your experience more than I'll post about on the forum. I have a good feeling that you're heading towards a safe pasture.

good cow.

Jsbodhi

Xoxo everyone

sleepie

Just saying hello and Cow just take care, don't isolate too much- I know you have to watch out for yourself just please drop by if you think you are going to pick up a substance.

walkbeformakrun

Um, Cow, I would agree but the below kind of blows that idea out of the water.

Hawkeye13

I think if you can get some sober time built up again things will improve somewhat Cow

The binges really set off the mental wobbles for me. . .
Just sending you good wishes and hope, my dear bovine friend

Ajax

Hi Cow,
I'm just checking in with you and am glad to see you are still trying.
That's all we can do, isn't it?
It's been a hell of a year for me-hard to believe it was a year ago that Rob went into the hospital with the tear in his esophagus and infection throughout his chest. It was also a year ago that we sat in his doctor's office and heard there was nothing to even try before we even thought we'd started to fight.
My life has gone on, day after day, until here I am, with wonderful kids who love me, a new relationship with a very caring, loving and understanding man and a new house we plan to make our home.
I'm a different raccoon than I was, but I'm proud of where I am. It took tremendous faith and self-assuredness. I have never felt so god-awfully alone in my life like I did on New Years Eve at home. I have proven to myself that I truly am stronger than dirt.
So, go and prove something, anything to yourself. You will be amazed at the deep sense of well-being it brings. And it won't stop there...
I've missed you.
❤️Melissa

Cow

Melissa!

I think of Robot and his words a lot. And you words too.

You not has to miss me. I struggling with new challenges (just as Robbie came to do), but I still here.

I so glad you in good spirits. Please not be stranger. Is many who care about you, and I think is important for those who "survive" or darest I say, even flourish, to let rest of us know they is hope. ~Moo Mwah

Dee74

Glad to hear from you Melissa and glad life has become good for you again

D

puffy

Raccoon! So wonderful to hear that you are doing okay.
Much Love,
Puffy

trachemys

Hey, Melissa! So glad you've found happiness.