ChrisExcite

My Girlfriend is moving out after I went binge drinking and got in another fight, I came home with a bloody lip, bruises and I think broken ribs and briefly remember getting into a fight with a guy at the bar. I know I didn't eat dinner and hadn't had much water all day, but alcohol kicks my butt sometimes and then I am sore and depressed for weeks while I heal. I am a big guy and I feel like when I get that drunk trouble finds me. I know I can be a jerk when I drink that much. I am not a fighter and actually a really nice, gentle guy. When I get drunk i think I just make bad decisions and lose my filter. I yelled at my gf and said mean stuff while blacked out and now she is moving out for space and safety. She says I have 90 days to try and change and work on the relationship and there is a small chance that we will make it through this together. She said we aren't broken up but she can never live with me if I don't go to counseling and make other changes in my life. If I can fix this than maybe we can have a full relationship again.

I don't crave alcohol, I can easily not drink when I want to and actually don't really like drinking that much. But sometimes when I go to the bar and get past 2 or three drinks have trouble stopping and go till last call and dont even know my own name. It's sad that I don't know when I will have a binge episode as 99% of the time when I drink I am fine and don't have an issue. I guess my choices are to give up alcohol forever? Or figure out what triggers my lack of ability to stop drinking when I start sometimes. It's usually when I am having a fun time that **** goes wrong.

I often wonder how come I don't get cut off because my brain is totally turned off and I lose control of much of my decision making. Why do the keep serving me? Why do I not ever figure out enough is enough? What can I do to let her know I am sorry I get that out of control. I am not drinking for all of february and am sure this is something I can do. I am really considering giving up alcohol forever because I keep getting myself into trouble (fights, arrested, saying stuff I don't mean, running up huge bar tabs, cheating, blacking out). I need to fix this and I want to give her the space to heal and the time to forgive me but I don't want to lose her. I love her and am so sad I have hurt her, had her seen me in so many moments of weakness and blackouts over three years. I don't drink often, drink just fine at home but sometimes when out at a bar or a wedding and alcohol is available I go, go, go. I don't even know that many around me know I am as drunk and out of my mind as I am until its way to late. I am so mad at myself for doing this again. PS I haven't drank for 3 weeks since this happened, it's actully pretty easy for me to just not drink, but I just haven't quit it forever before.

Coldfusion

Three weeks is AWESOME, Chris!

I think you'll find solutions to a lot of your problems if you just don't pick up that first drink.

Dave42001

You need to get your act together or she will leave you! Read the beggining of your third paragraph, why didn't the bartender cut you off? You have to take ownership of this mess and give up the bottle! Quit while you're ahead, get a serious plan together and stop the insanity!!

AlaskaGirl

Hi Chris! Awesome on three weeks sober!

I can relate to your confusion about why sometimes you can drink normally and sometimes you can't. Through the many years I've been trying to quit drinking I've learned I can't control when it's going to happen so its in my best interest to not start. A lot of times when I have blacked out people around me don't realize how drunk I am. Since I'm not falling down or slurring my words they don't see it. That makes it scarier for me to be honest. As I've been told on here many times, "normal drinkers don't black out".

FeelingGreat

hi Chris, I wonder what pushes you into bingeing now and then? Can you identify any triggers? You know for at least 2 drinks that you shouldn't go any further, but something in you takes the next drink, and the next.... I would work this out, maybe with the help of a counsellor and if you can see a binge coming on, take action to divert yourself.

It's not just important for the sake of your relationship, but fighting is very dangerous and has the potential for you to kill someone accidentally through the person's head hitting the ground, or something hard. I'm sure you don't want that on your conscience, or the legal consequences. You owe it to yourself, your GF and society not to become drunk and violent.

Dropsie

Sounds like you got this if you want to.

You have stopped for three weeks, make it three years, then the rest of your life.

Gotta get your mind round that.

You seem to say to yourself your not so bad cause you only binge, but binging is bad. Bad enough your love is about to leave your ass.

Believe me if your drank every night you would be saying, I am not so bad I don't binge.

We all have our dialogue, until we just realise, **** man, I am ok if I don't drink. Ever. Why not do that?

Just stay stopped, not for her, for you. Not saying its easy, but its worth it.

Blacky

This sounds like a good reason to give it up. Do it for you then the rest of the things in your life will be much much better.

This drinking thing is progressive, it won't get any better. I think you kind of know this but are in a sort of bargaining stage as if somehow you can still drink on occasion. I think if you look at what you wrote it shows that is not going to happen.

There is a lot of information on this site to help you and support from the members, so I suggest you stay around awhile and look into what might help you.

least

Welcome to the family and congrats on three weeks sober! You'll find lots of support here.

Soberwolf

Welcome CE

ChrisExcite

Thanks everyone - So she just finished moved out tonight and says she doesn't know if she can find it in herself to heal and trust me ever again. She said she is willing to work on the relationship for 3 months with a counselor so I guess that is a good sign. I am so ashamed and upset that a fun night out has turned in to me losing the love of my life, my dog and altering the course of my future over a few extra beers. This sucks! It's time to work on me and start working out again. What else can I do to show her that I can beat this, I am sorry and not ever let this happen again?

Coldfusion

I don't think you should try to show your girlfriend that you CAN beat alcoholism. You need to just do it! Actions speak louder than words.

FeelingGreat

Well said CF, got it in one.

ChrisExcite

o I made it not drinking all of February and have organized, cleaned up and fixed other areas of my life, but the girlfriend let me we are breaking up. I feel very good physically, mentally and a clear head(though it is also numb from pain).

She let me know though she is very impressed with the new me and that I am acting the best version of myself now she cannot forgive me for the cheating, lying and way I acted around her when drinking. I did not make her feel safe and cared for and I think she is gone FOREVER! We are doing 8 weeks of no contact and I am going to keep focusing on me, sign up for some activities work on my house, spend more time with friends but I am so sad that I did this to my life and flattened the future I had been building. She has said the 8 weeks is to lose feelings for me and that she is hopeful we can be friends, but said she is not going to wait around for me(she is a great woman so will probably get swept up quick) and that I should not wait around for her(though I don't have many intenetions of dating anyone for awhile or jumping into anything fast as this has been a habit of mine being a serial relationship guy). This is my third serious relationship that has FAILED and I think the drinking has been a major part of getting so close to marraige and then having the woman run away after a night of binging. WTF am I doing and why have I spent the last 15yrs drinking and acting stupid!

Most of the times in this relationship and when I ****** up and I can trace almost all of our problems to when she or I would drink. We met while both very drunk, both cheated on each other, dating was lots of drinking but somehow I want to fix this and find a way to get her back into my future. In my heart I know we both love each other so much but I don't know how my life looks without her in it, without drinking in it, why I had to learn another painful lesson this way. I have hurt her so bad and I am not the man she wants in her future. I've made so much progress in a month so I am hopeful for the future and want to keep the momentum but am so disappointed that I let/caused this fantastic relationship and woman to run out of my life.

ChrisExcite

The worst part is she had committed to work through the relationship for 90 days and do couples counseling after she moved out.

She became very distant last week and then bailed on working to fix the relationship. I think she may have met someone else...

tursiops999

CE, I am sorry about your loss. Kudos to you, though, for staying sober and taking a clear look at the impact of drinking. I know it's sad right now, but I think the work you're doing will bring you a much happier future.