Jack465

There's a person I used to drink with. I haven't drank with her in about two years, but we keep in touch, and yesterday she came into my job and asked me to go drinking with her when I finished work. What do I say to her? As far as I know she is not a problem drinker like I am, so how do I explain to her that I've probably done permanent damage to my body and can never drink again? Because if I don't tell her that, I'm just going to have to keep coming up with excuses not to drink, which I'm already finding tiresome.

Any tips?

Zebra1275

When you hung out together, if it usually involved drinking, it's probably best to just be honest.

It may change your relationship, but that is probably a small price to pay for your sobriety.

tenspeedblender

Maybe say something like, "I'm sorry, I quit drinking, but I'd be down to grab some dinner or see a movie so we can catch up." If she asks why you quit drinking, maybe just be honest? I don't know how comfortable you are with her, but even just say something along the lines of that you got into drinking way too much and it was negatively affecting your life so you decided it would be best to cut it out?

least

I agree with telling her you no longer drink. If she asks why, you can tell her that you've had more than your share of drinking and don't want any more.

Blacky

If she is a friend there should not be a problem being honest about it and she should understand and you both can do something else.
If she is just looking for a drinking buddy then being honest should put an end to her asking you to go out drinking.

So either way it should work out.

ScottFromWI

Yep, just tell the truth. You don't need to come up with excuses, just say you don't drink anymore. As mentioned above, if she cannot accept then she's most likely not a true friend.

sleepie

I think tenspeed has a good idea.

It may take awhile but after a bit, personally I didn't care. I was lucky my friends would never push me to drink.

The real drinking buddies, the ones I pretty much only drank with and never anything much else... I am not in touch with them anymore.

FeelingGreat

Just along the lines of 'I'm not drinking right now' or similar. Friends can either see that as a threat to their own drinking, or support you and often think they should be doing the same thing.

Ken33xx

I just say no thanks.

My not wanting a drink has never been an issue either at work or in social settings. I have found normal drinkers aren`t usually concerned with what I drink or don`t drink anymore than I am with the person who refuses a piece of cake. It`s just not an issue

However, if someone were to pester me. If my not drinking did become a topic of concern for them I probably wouldn't socialize with that person again.

SoberinSyracuse

My drinking buddies have all been fine. I don't get into lengthy explanations. I just say, "No, thanks, I'm not drinking anymore." If they ask why not, I say "The doc told me to quit to reduce my blood pressure down. And he was right. I feel great."

Only a few people really close to me know the real reason. If you feel nervous about telling someone, it's probably a sign you shouldn't tell them. Just say say you quit for your health and leave it at that.

Ken33xx

Right. At work functions I`ve told co-workers I don`t drink because of health reasons.

There are those in AA who might say something like, "Well, if I have a drink you might as well call the police now" but I prefer not getting cute.

I just want to get off the subject and move on.

SoberinSyracuse

Exactly! That's exactly how I feel. There are much more interesting topics of conversation.

Gottalife

When I was working step nine it involved seeing a lot of friends that I used to drink with until they got sick of my behaviour. When I made my amends I explained what was wrong with me and what I was doing about it, and why I had to do something about it. I never had any problems with such friends wanting to take me out drinking. They were so forgiving. They were fantastically supportive. One even lent me some money to buy a car to get to meetings in. ^ months earlier he would not have given me the time of day.

You soon find out who your real friends are when you stop drinking for the reason we do.

Soberwolf

Agreed with being honest & possibly invite her for pizza ?

SoberinSyracuse

Certain schools of thought in recovery put a very high priority on honesty and full disclosure. Honesty is an absolute, but I believe full disclosure is only wise in certain circumstances.

Just use good caution and common sense. Sensitive information in the wrong hands can severely damage your reputation, affecting your personal life, family, and career.

That's why I just say "Thanks, I don't drink," rather than get into detail about addiction and risk of relapse.

Dee74

I would just say 'I don't drink anymore - wanna do something else?'

9 times out of ten old drinking buddies don't want to do anything else - which makes the inevitable parting of the ways a little easier for both parties.

D

Berrybean

My old drinking buddies know I no longer drink.

Some of them (not many though) I do still go out with - they're the ones that actually just mean they want to hang out and have a chat if they say 'let's go for a drink', and they're just as happy to go for coffee or pizza with me as they are to go to the pub.

If you don't tell her you're not drinking so don't want to go to the pub then you might never find out which of the two she is. You don't need to explain the reasons behind your decision to quit if you don't want to. Just that you decided to quit drinking altogether, but would be happy to go somewhere else with her to catch up.

Nevertheless

Maybe it had something to do with getting older,(I'm 55). But somewhere around 45 or so I quit trying to put on acts for people. That was long BEFORE I quit drinking.
But the fact is,I don't drink anymore. And I in no way beat around the bush about letting people know about it. I make jokes about the things I used to do. And in most cases the people that do drink completely relate to it. Don't get me wrong,I don't go around advertising it. But someone you consider your friend deserves the truth.
Why is it so hard to say "I did way too many stupid things,and I'm done with it". I think everyone I used to drink with did something they wish they could have back,and can relate. And when you joke about it,most everyone understands. And most respect it.

Just my opinion... Fred

Fly N Buy

Sobriety on your terms, no one else's. It's your journey.........please share what you did and how it works out!

Thanks for the post

Ken33xx

It`s not that I find it difficult. I just prefer not to potentially get into such a discussion. I`m fine with speaking to someone in private but outside of AA my not drinking isn`t something I care to discuss.