Approaching the doctor
I am fully packed, emptied my pockets and wallet, change and ones set aside for the vending machines. Not worried about the warm clothes too much, I'm always hot, but I tend to wear a sweatshirt as a jacket most of the year, and they recommend bringing one in on the prep list, plus I wear wool socks as slippers around the house. Sandals, as suggested on their list for the showers. Otherwise, mostly tshirts and sweatpants, toothbrush, and, yes, three books packed. Thinking about tossing a notebook on the pile as well.
All of my bills are paid that were due this coming week. I've cleared out all of the empties and emptied the last of my vodka into a giant cup, from which I have just taken a few shots worth as I was coming up on due to start feeling sick again, and then I have enough to sleep tonight and have at least a handful of drinks left over in case I don't get a bed (or if check-in is much later than the 8am call-in time) and need to keep the withdrawals away tomorrow morning until I can buy just enough to go another day. I still need to talk to my SO when she gets home, but otherwise I think I'm all set and just waiting on the hospital to do my intake so I can start calling on a bed.
All of my bills are paid that were due this coming week. I've cleared out all of the empties and emptied the last of my vodka into a giant cup, from which I have just taken a few shots worth as I was coming up on due to start feeling sick again, and then I have enough to sleep tonight and have at least a handful of drinks left over in case I don't get a bed (or if check-in is much later than the 8am call-in time) and need to keep the withdrawals away tomorrow morning until I can buy just enough to go another day. I still need to talk to my SO when she gets home, but otherwise I think I'm all set and just waiting on the hospital to do my intake so I can start calling on a bed.
You are making a very good decision for your future and you are doing a great job challenging yourself and pushing through. I am totally rooting for you!!!
You can do it.
PS: also pack up a book and some ear plugs and a sleeping mask if you are light sensitive. You might have a roommate or two in detox and some people have dubious tastes when it comes to television programming.
You can do it.
PS: also pack up a book and some ear plugs and a sleeping mask if you are light sensitive. You might have a roommate or two in detox and some people have dubious tastes when it comes to television programming.
Still no confirmation, but I was told I was next in line for intake, and if that occurs early today then I can still possibly be admitted today as well.
The SO was understandably angry and scared and sad, but wasn't overly upset and was very calm. She noted that if this improves my ability to cope with life, even when I have been sober much of the time but still fairly withdrawn, that this might be the start of good things for us, but that she is uncertain.
It's a few days in a crowded take-all-insurance detox hospital, so I'm not expecting miracles, but I'm not going to last another ten years of depression, intermittent drinking, and isolation anyway, so I better embrace it. I need to learn to work through my overthinking brain and general desire to isolate and follow familiar ruts of hiding in video games and social media (and then drinking when the **** hits the fan). I was tired, years ago, of being up for an hour or two thinking before bed every night, now I'm tired of drinking my thoughts away and I'm slowly dying too. I don't want to go back, but I need to make a plan and learn skills to cope.
The SO was understandably angry and scared and sad, but wasn't overly upset and was very calm. She noted that if this improves my ability to cope with life, even when I have been sober much of the time but still fairly withdrawn, that this might be the start of good things for us, but that she is uncertain.
It's a few days in a crowded take-all-insurance detox hospital, so I'm not expecting miracles, but I'm not going to last another ten years of depression, intermittent drinking, and isolation anyway, so I better embrace it. I need to learn to work through my overthinking brain and general desire to isolate and follow familiar ruts of hiding in video games and social media (and then drinking when the **** hits the fan). I was tired, years ago, of being up for an hour or two thinking before bed every night, now I'm tired of drinking my thoughts away and I'm slowly dying too. I don't want to go back, but I need to make a plan and learn skills to cope.
I have three books packed, but I didn't even think of earplugs and a sleeping mask, crap. Well, I'm deaf in one ear so I'll just have to sleep on my good ear and cover my face with the blankets. The other problem being that I ALWAYS sleep with a fan on, that'll be tough, but ah well, I make due when I travel. Priorities.
At least it will give you a much needed break from alcohol and also you will be able to detox safely and if something happens you will have medical staff around.
Some detoxes offer meetings and classes others not so much. Are you familiar with some relaxation and meditation techniques? If they allow you to keep your cell or tablet, look up some guided meditation on youtube.
Some detoxes offer meetings and classes others not so much. Are you familiar with some relaxation and meditation techniques? If they allow you to keep your cell or tablet, look up some guided meditation on youtube.
No cells or electronic devices allowed. I'm bringing along a book on Buddhism that I read many years ago though . . . closest thing I have to a spiritual connection. I'm mildly familiar with meditation. From what I've read, it mostly sounds like education and groups. The hospital has a weekly SMART meeting on a night I'm free, so I'm considering that for after as well, and once my new job starts I'll be free to go to a local guided meditation session that my SO used to enjoy going to.
Hey Uzz,
Hoping that the bed comes through for you today. Sounds like this is a very short term thing? I see you've some ideas for things that might be helpful afterwards; any thought how you will structure that? I find that having a solid plan beats "thinking about looking into" by a mile. Just my personal experience. I think it's fabulous to have a route for safe detox, but you are smart enough to know that's just the beginning.
Glad you had a good talk with your SO. Sounds like honesty was had and that's a good thing.
I'll be sending good mojo your way today!
Hoping that the bed comes through for you today. Sounds like this is a very short term thing? I see you've some ideas for things that might be helpful afterwards; any thought how you will structure that? I find that having a solid plan beats "thinking about looking into" by a mile. Just my personal experience. I think it's fabulous to have a route for safe detox, but you are smart enough to know that's just the beginning.
Glad you had a good talk with your SO. Sounds like honesty was had and that's a good thing.
I'll be sending good mojo your way today!
3-5 day detox hospital, typically, with self-help training, recovery and relapse prevention training, counseling, etc. I really don't know where to start besides going, and maybe doing SMART meetings. I know that I have a big problem with structuring my time and being bored and getting trapped in my own head, and I know when things go to hell, that's where I'm likely to get into trouble and start drinking heavily.
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You are approaching this so intelligently...very impressive.
I would think they wouldn't send you back out without some kind of structure...maybe outpatient rehab? I know some people have done that after inpatient and were very successful.
You know yourself and you know what you need for tools, so ask for them.
It warms my cranky old heart that you are tackling this head on.
I would think they wouldn't send you back out without some kind of structure...maybe outpatient rehab? I know some people have done that after inpatient and were very successful.
You know yourself and you know what you need for tools, so ask for them.
It warms my cranky old heart that you are tackling this head on.
I am so happy for you...you are giving yourself a huge present......LIFE!!! I needed detox in a hospital setting once and it was the head start I needed for 4 years of sobriety. I have had some setbacks lately, but I'm still fighting. Also, don't worry about getting to sleep....the meds should take care of that for you! Best Wishes
I know how you feel...I had to wait 3 days for a bed. I wanted instant relief when I made the decision....that is how my mind worked..instant gratification!
This is why I continued to drink for sooo many years. I have since slowed my thinking down...I still get gratification, just not instantly and I'm ok with that. Do what you need to do to be "comfortable" , you will feel much better soon! If you can, go for a long walk...this always helped me. Best Wishes
This is why I continued to drink for sooo many years. I have since slowed my thinking down...I still get gratification, just not instantly and I'm ok with that. Do what you need to do to be "comfortable" , you will feel much better soon! If you can, go for a long walk...this always helped me. Best Wishes
A few drinks every six hours or so is keeping the withdrawals back, and a few extra at bedtime means I can sleep, but not well, and all I can think about, between feeling achy and mentally exhausted, is what have I done to my organ health and what are they going to find when I do go, and what have I done to my relationship, hiding my drinking. SO is handling it really well, but I can tell she's struggling with it, and we're both struggling with not having anyone close to us to talk about it with. She asked if she could talk to her friend from out of state, who I am friendly with too, but who isn't like one of our local friends and whose husband has problems with alcohol too, and I said of course . . . I was tempted, earlier, to ask her not to tell our mutual friends, but that would be selfish, so I'm really thankful that she thought of this. I only have my mom for people close to me who really get alcoholism, but she's all super supportive and full of affirmations and you know, sometimes you need to feel bad and hear about the negatives and be prepared.
When I went, they told me 3-4 day wait, my mom's friend told her 5-7 days, but her friend talked to the clinical director privately and mentioned my pre-existing high blood pressure and they've given the okay to name-drop to the admissions people, and then the director will make sure I get one of the beds that opens as long as my name is on the list later that morning. We shall see. I'm getting less miserable as time goes on, but I'm so bored and foggy that I can't focus on one thing for long, so it's not even like I can do some serious recovery and sobriety reading. Just can't focus. I'm not feeling too bad, but I've never had confusion like this. Nothing major, but yesterday, trying to pack for detox I kept going to grab something and getting sidetracked and forgetting what I was doing , and I keep making spelling errors, something I NEVER do. Plus, I keep forgetting the name of the really nice woman in admissions . . . something beginning with an "L" that I've heard like four times now.
When I went, they told me 3-4 day wait, my mom's friend told her 5-7 days, but her friend talked to the clinical director privately and mentioned my pre-existing high blood pressure and they've given the okay to name-drop to the admissions people, and then the director will make sure I get one of the beds that opens as long as my name is on the list later that morning. We shall see. I'm getting less miserable as time goes on, but I'm so bored and foggy that I can't focus on one thing for long, so it's not even like I can do some serious recovery and sobriety reading. Just can't focus. I'm not feeling too bad, but I've never had confusion like this. Nothing major, but yesterday, trying to pack for detox I kept going to grab something and getting sidetracked and forgetting what I was doing , and I keep making spelling errors, something I NEVER do. Plus, I keep forgetting the name of the really nice woman in admissions . . . something beginning with an "L" that I've heard like four times now.
I had to get some medical help to detox several years ago. I stayed in the hospital for 2 - 3 days.
The Dr. that treated me told me that he was in AA himself.
Wow, did that every change my attitude about asking for help!
The Dr. that treated me told me that he was in AA himself.
Wow, did that every change my attitude about asking for help!
Lou? Lori? Linda? Lashonda? Lollipalooza?
I think it's natural that you are in a sort of purgatory right now and would urge you to just coast. It makes sense that it would be hard to focus - I would feel the same if I were in your position. If you can handle some TED talks, that might be a good idea just to keep your mind occupied but not overtaxed.
What does your SO think about support meetings? Would she maybe be interested in Al-Anon? I'm in IOP right now and they offer family meetings - maybe you could start looking around for something like that for post-detox. How would you and she feel about her getting an account here (or on the SMART board) and posting in the friends & family forum? Just some ideas for you to mull over...
I'm glad to read that you are sticking with the plan and may get in this week. Hang in there!
I think it's natural that you are in a sort of purgatory right now and would urge you to just coast. It makes sense that it would be hard to focus - I would feel the same if I were in your position. If you can handle some TED talks, that might be a good idea just to keep your mind occupied but not overtaxed.
What does your SO think about support meetings? Would she maybe be interested in Al-Anon? I'm in IOP right now and they offer family meetings - maybe you could start looking around for something like that for post-detox. How would you and she feel about her getting an account here (or on the SMART board) and posting in the friends & family forum? Just some ideas for you to mull over...
I'm glad to read that you are sticking with the plan and may get in this week. Hang in there!
You are brave and I am proud of you for doing what you need to do to take care of yourself. I hope you are able to get in soon and, as you said, embrace this with everything you have and let them help you to get to a place where you can move forward. I wish you all the best!
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