venuscat

Something awful just happened to me ~ I'm trying to breath, stay calm.

My older sister is crazy....and she just unleashed a huge torrent of abuse at me, swore at me and hung up the phone.

I tried so hard to keep it level, called her back...now she has all phones off so I can't call. It may sound trivial, but this is her being very abusive to me. The things she said to me were truly awful, and totally nuts.

My other sister won't answer either.

I am not even a little bit OK.

This has to be it. I can not let these people do this to me anymore...but then I have no family. Damn.

I'm sorry....I didn't know what else to do....I probably should have posted in another thread....

Gottalife

My sister did a similar thing 35 years ago when I tried to make amends. I'm still sober, she's still drunk and really suffering the health consequences. She and my mother have done a few awful things to me over the years..I'm still sober and happy, they are not.

I took heart from the big book where I was promised I could get sober regardless of anyone. The only condition was that I trust God and clean house. It was true.

I had to let go of my immediate family, but I have always been loved by my extended family, about a 100 of them. It is odd but mother and sister hate the extended family too. They are missing out on a lot. But there is not much I can do about that.

venuscat

I really appreciate you answering Gottalife.

This is/was the last of my real-life family.
It is what it is....my mission now is to stay sober, and survive the evening.

Dee74

Hi Venus.

My advice is to try and not panic. You'll reach your other sister soon enough and I'm sure she'll speak with you

I know this volatile sister has done similar things to you before - I don't know what her issues are and in a sense it doesn't matter.

You don't need to own wild abuse. She obviously has her own demons.

I'm sorry she unloaded on you, but your other family - your SR one - is always here for you

hugs
D

Verte

(((venuscat))), I cannot imagine. Deep breaths and let the thoughts in, notice them and let them go. Then yell into a pillow. Repeat.

So sorry that your heart is aching.

venuscat

I'm done Dee ~ no more. I don't deserve this.
It's time to live my life for me now...I am so tired of being afraid of being abused.
It controls all of my actions...

I have my SR family. And my gorgeous cat. And I think I need to start meetings again now...this is a huge danger zone for me right now.

I can't stop crying, but the panic isn't as bad as before. Thank you. I feel embarrassed, but I really need help right now...going to get that pillow Verte.

Jeni26

Hi V. So glad you posted, it really does help to get things out. I too have a strained relationship with my sister. We have all had a difficult year in our family with bereavement etc but my sis has also got divorced and moved house with her 2 daughters. She is the complete opposite to me...her emotions are very much on the surface and she has a lot of uncontrolled anger.

There are times I'm a little afraid of where her anger takes her, she drinks too much and I believe is verbally abusive to her girls.

I've taken a huge step back V. I am simply in a place in my life where I cannot be doing with the drama. I know she is going through some tough times, and were she to ask for help, I would be there in a heartbeat. But she is full of hatred and it spews out rather like your sister's.

I have a few very dear friends and I have SR. And that is enough for me. I haven't cut off ties completely, but I have retreated to my calm place. It is what I need to do. Anxiety is never far away for me and I work hard to keep it at bay.

Lovely sweet V...you don't deserve to be treated in an abusive way, none of us do. Find your place of calm and protect it. That's what I do, and it works ❤️ Xx

paddyjnr1

Just give time time "She'll cool in the water she boiled in"
that's what I do
I will pray for peace for you all today

venuscat

I didn't think it was possible to feel this much pain after all of the loss this year.
I am going to take your advice Jeni love ~ thank you. ♥

And thank you paddy. ♥

Dee74

I'm sorry for your pain - if you feel this is your breaking point, then by all means, be done. I walked away from my family for a long time. Best thing I could have done.

I did not feel alone at all as I had a big 'chosen family'.

If you feel meetings will help, then don;t hesiotate - do those too. This is not a call for you to beat yourself up - you deserve better.

It's time to stop the hurting - let your decisions reflect that

D

Mountainmanbob

I'm sorry that she came off like that to you.
When things like this happen in my life
I find it best to pray for the situation.

I hope that tomorrow will be a better day for you.

M-Bob

Notimetoloose

You are right, you don't deserve this, no one does, I hope you are okay.

I am so sorry this happened to you.

Family can break our hearts in to a thousand pieces.

Look after yourself extra special tonight.

trachemys

Hey Vee. Sorry this is happening. Glad you can vent about it and move forward positively. I know i t hurts. My sisters go off the rails occasionally, too. Last year I had a long no contact period with them.

Tooshabby

I can relate to this too, Venuscat (((hugs))). My sister is the most angry person I've ever met (worse than my mother), and I've been at the end of yelled abuse and the nastiest comments and actions. So much shite over the years you wouldn't believe some of it. I'm 49 and I finally broke off the relationship about a year ago. It was really hard at first because I do love her, but I just can't take it anymore. After about 6 months or so I began to get over my guilt about it and now I just feel relieved and free. I think of my friends as my sisters now. It's very sad, but it's important to protect ourselves. We don't have to take abuse.

NeoNew

I do not really have any great advice to give you venuscat but my thoughts are with you. I hope you both make amends soon...

zombob

Venus, I have a brother who has been sober almost 4 yrs. (addiction is part of the soil our family tree was planted in). I'm happy for him but cannot spend more than an hour in his presence due to many factors but mostly it's the hurtful things that get slid into normal convo and lots of emotional outbursts. He also verbally abuses my father (74). I've called him out on elderly abuse more than once and we have fist-fought in our late 40's. I now just call him and say hello, how's things. If he starts taking hostage and going on for more than 5 minutes I always have another call or have to take the dog out. Detaching is crucial to my well-being--blood relative or not. Best wishes on treating yourself better--you will begin to attract same. Yer not a victim but if the sharks sense bleeding, they circle.

FBL

Sending a big hug your way, Venus!

So sorry about your situation. Family drama is always tough and I always try to steer clear when it pops up in my own family. You deserve better. I'm sure you know that drinking will only make things worse.

Just know that we'll always be here for you.

Sudz No More

Sorry you had that happen to you. From my own experience, maybe family is overrated? As long as you have the support and companionship from somewhere else it doesn't matter. At least it never has for me. Sure, I agree we all need someone we can turn to at times but good friends and a significant other have always filled the void for me.

Opivotal

((Vee)) I'm so sorry your sister upset you like this. I know it's ugly and "some" sisters can rip your heart out with their venom. It's sad really and engaging with her is sure to bring you more turmoil.

I know you love her but maybe going "no contact" for a while will bring you some much needed peace. I cannot control other people, but I can love and respect myself enough to stop the abuse. I consider this kind of behavior abuse.

Just because she's your sister doesn't give her the right to treat you this way. I'm sure it isn't the first time, nor will it be the last until you put an end to it.

Going no contact with my sister was very painful , however it brought me serenity. I wish this for you sweet Vee. Whatever you decide, please know you are "loved" and valued as a person by many people right here, your SR family.

chicory

(((Venus)))
I am sorry sweetie. Sisters/close family, can push our buttons like no one else can, as they know our vulnerabilities, usually. Don't let what she said make you feel any negative way about yourself, just work on healing and protecting your heart.
I have a sister who has, I believe, borderline personality disorder.... I haven't spoken to her for several years. She always blames others, and our relationship always has to go back to the starting line, in that I have to prove I care, each time. My other sister and I get along well, with nothing like that happening.
I finally had to say 'no more', I give up, until she hopefully can see how she is pushing us away with her behavior.

Family isn't always blood, you know?

love and hugs sweetie. give her junk back to her, and move forward, and take care of yourself. You deserve it.