strategery

Vee, abuse is never okay. While they are family, you shouldn't tolerate that kind of treatment. What is happening right now isn't good for you. You might want to start thinking about how your relationship with them needs to change. Do you want to minimize contact with them, set certain boundaries, or cut them out entirely? Give it some time and think about it, but don't allow any more contact for now.

If you think you would benefit from meetings, definitely start incorporating meetings again. I am very sorry to hear what you're going through with them. You are an amazing person.

Keepnitreal

Hi Venus-
I hope you're feeling a bit better. Protecting yourself from abuse is priority one! If it's too painful to continue on in the relationship as it currently is then there is nothing wrong with walking away until your sister can learn that you refuse to be treated with a lack of respect and take her abuse. It may take awhile, but SR is your huge family and it's obvious that there is a lot of love for you!!!
Big hug.

courage2

Hi venus. I'm sorry for your troubles. I'm in a bit of a mess myself, not completely dissimilar. Breathe, post, and don't respond -- walk away, for now. See what time does. That's what I'm trying.

Venecia

Sweet friend, Venus. First and foremost, do something kind for yourself today as a reminder of how much you deserve it.

I've got to agree with our friends here about the no-contact option. No one has a right to inject toxicity in our lives, not even if they share DNA.

Take care, honey.

huntingtontx

(((((Venus))))) You are always so sweet and loving to all of us. My prayers are that God heal you hurting heart. I really have no advice, just want you to know how special you are to me. Thanks for all you love and help over the years. Hang in there. We are all here with you and for you.

sugarbear1

Sending you love and hugs. I don't know what to tell you, just be kind to you and maybe get to a meeting soon.

elsker

Venus, I have a volatile sister, too. Her target is usually my elderly mom, however.

My sister actually has some form of mental illness and I am always kind to her, but don't engage in any nonsense with her.

Perhaps you should block her calls for a while? And spend time with chosen family?

Hang in there...

least

I'm sorry she's being such a jerk. Stay away from her. You deserve peace.

Dharma33

Hi (((((Venus)))))

There is such wisdom from all the posters, I don't have much to add. The Al-Anon saying did come to mind in regard to your sister's abusive treatment toward you: You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't control it.

I'm sending prayers that you find peace. xoxo Dharma

venuscat

Thank you all so much for you love and advice....it was much needed and greatly appreciated ~ and (((courage))) ♥

Someone said I am not a victim....or I don't have to be. You are right. And all of you who know me well know that this has been going on for a long time.

I am still extremely upset today, but that's understandable I guess.
There will be no call blocking, I won't need to ~ I will not hear from her again.
And she is going to New York today, so I won't even have her in the country for a few weeks.

My younger sister will defer to the older one, and I am not even going to discuss this. But I won't need to, because I know what would have happened last night.... I don't care now.

I was really sick after I calmed down last night, so if I had any doubts here, my body does not. This is over now...my decision is made.

The cycle of abuse is a terrible thing. My dad did this for years when we were young, and my sister has taken over perfectly. I know this.
I can't cure it Dharma; you're right.

But I can walk away.
And I can cure me...with help.

Hevyn

Venus, I'm just reading this thread now. I'm heartsick for what happened to you. I know it's been an ambivalent relationship - but lately things seemed better. I'm so glad you wanted to talk about it here - you are loved by many, and unburdening yourself is so important. It's very difficult to deal with the toxic people in our lives, especially when they're family - but it doesn't sound like she's deserving of your love and caring. Prayers going up for a solution for you.

HeartsAfire

Sending you love & hugs, sweet friend.

chicory

Venus, you know you always have us.
Sending g much love.

venuscat

I do know that chic ~ and I love you very much. ♥

brynn

(((Venus))) you're in my thoughts tonight.

SoberLeigh

I am just now catching this thread, sweetest venuscat.

I am so sorry that your sister was so cruel to you; it was a totally inappropriate andan uncalled-for thing to do.

Please know how much you are loved here. We are your family and care deeply for you.

venuscat

My sister called me from overseas to apologise. A somewhat conditional apology, along the lines of: if I hadn't done a) and b), she wouldn't have reacted that way....so sorry for what she did, but it was my fault?

From everything I have read here, this sounds like classic abuse to me.

It's hard to break away...someone tells you they love you so much (and they do in many ways), yet how can you ever know when the next explosion will come?

I promised my mum that I would always keep us close. I'm not sure that I should break that promise. I have time...my sister is in New York on holiday.

I don't want to be a victim, and I don't want to lose my family.
Perhaps there is a way to protect myself without backing away completely.

aussieblue

Late coming to this thread, sorry things have been rough for you V.
Huge hug from up North.

Dee74

If a promise is hurting you - destroying you even - I think it's fine to break that promise V.

D

chardis