Smart move? possible triggers
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Ireland
Posts: 39
Smart move? possible triggers
Hi all,
It took me a good few months to address my alcohol issues with my psychologist. I managed to do so and again, it then took me a good while to visit my gp.
I did so last week and he prescribed me Librium. Which I started yesterday morning. During the day it was alright, partially because I went to bed for hours on end, whilst in the meantime taking the meds as prescribed.
The evening became a challenge. I was planning changing my routine, to take away the habit but hubby was watching rugby and I went back to my office to do what I usually do. Apart from drinking. I don't think I have ever felt so low.
Today I woke up feeling sick and zombie-like. It makes me feel lonely doing this alone and I am not sure if I am convinced this is worth it. It feels like my brain is still going on high speed and the anxiety is there, but the meds make me too slow to care. Which results in feeling very low. I am already worried about tonight.
It is almost like I am looking at myself from the outside, unable to reach.
Is this going to get better?
It took me a good few months to address my alcohol issues with my psychologist. I managed to do so and again, it then took me a good while to visit my gp.
I did so last week and he prescribed me Librium. Which I started yesterday morning. During the day it was alright, partially because I went to bed for hours on end, whilst in the meantime taking the meds as prescribed.
The evening became a challenge. I was planning changing my routine, to take away the habit but hubby was watching rugby and I went back to my office to do what I usually do. Apart from drinking. I don't think I have ever felt so low.
Today I woke up feeling sick and zombie-like. It makes me feel lonely doing this alone and I am not sure if I am convinced this is worth it. It feels like my brain is still going on high speed and the anxiety is there, but the meds make me too slow to care. Which results in feeling very low. I am already worried about tonight.
It is almost like I am looking at myself from the outside, unable to reach.
Is this going to get better?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi Tux - welcome 
you don't say how long you've been sober but I guess it's not very long?
Things can and do - and will - get better. None of us would stay in recovery iof we felt we lost out on the deal
it is worth the effort - and so are you.
Stick with it - use the support here. You're not alone
D
you don't say how long you've been sober but I guess it's not very long?
Things can and do - and will - get better. None of us would stay in recovery iof we felt we lost out on the deal
it is worth the effort - and so are you.
Stick with it - use the support here. You're not alone
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Ireland
Posts: 39
Dee74,
I wouldn't consider myself sober on these meds to begin with. But technically speaking yesterday was the first day in a good few years where I didn't drink.
I am just not convinced this is so much better than my usual routine. Now I just feel worthless, low and to be honest I am even having issues speaking properly because the meds make me slow. Took hours to fall asleep last night and I woke up not having a clue what day it was.
After drinking I never felt that way
This feels worse.
I am sorry for complaining, I just feel very lonely and very down.
Thank you for your response, it is nice to hear something back.
I wouldn't consider myself sober on these meds to begin with. But technically speaking yesterday was the first day in a good few years where I didn't drink.
I am just not convinced this is so much better than my usual routine. Now I just feel worthless, low and to be honest I am even having issues speaking properly because the meds make me slow. Took hours to fall asleep last night and I woke up not having a clue what day it was.
After drinking I never felt that way
This feels worse. I am sorry for complaining, I just feel very lonely and very down.
Thank you for your response, it is nice to hear something back.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Adjusting to new meds can take a while.
Thats the kind of thinking that can lead many of us to relapse again.
I don;t know how long you drank, but I drank for decades - I figured if I could give 20 years to drinking I could give a few months to recovery, and see where I ended up.
Things really will get better - none of us here have any reason to lie to you.
Please stick with it
D
After drinking I never felt that way This feels worse.
I don;t know how long you drank, but I drank for decades - I figured if I could give 20 years to drinking I could give a few months to recovery, and see where I ended up.
Things really will get better - none of us here have any reason to lie to you.
Please stick with it
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by Tux 
Is this going to get better?
It is well worth the pain and anxiety we go through in early sobriety.
Don't leave before the miracle happens.
MM
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi and welcome.
Our expectations and reality are separate things. I hated, along with most others, the phrase “it takes time” because we want what we want NOW. Unfortunately it does not work that way with alcoholism. It seems to be our dictator because it is powerful, baffling, cunning, insidious and always progressive, never cured just arrested.
Realizing that alcohol does a job on our mental, emotional and physical condition it might be expected with work to take time to start to feel better, depending on many factors. I used to have the idea that prescribed pills would fix me quickly, wrong! I needed to fix me with the work of staying sober.
BE WELL
Our expectations and reality are separate things. I hated, along with most others, the phrase “it takes time” because we want what we want NOW. Unfortunately it does not work that way with alcoholism. It seems to be our dictator because it is powerful, baffling, cunning, insidious and always progressive, never cured just arrested.
Realizing that alcohol does a job on our mental, emotional and physical condition it might be expected with work to take time to start to feel better, depending on many factors. I used to have the idea that prescribed pills would fix me quickly, wrong! I needed to fix me with the work of staying sober.
BE WELL
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Tux..hi and welcome...
I am 155 days clean..no pills...ever..just dealt with the brain damage that booze causes..it got better every day.
Still a little messed up...but nothing like the first days, weeks, months...
There are people here that got off booze w out meds. Librium is a benzo..it will cause addiction and withdrawal. ..
No medical advice from me...letting you know that it can and will get better...
Never drink again....we are both past the point of normalcy. I believe that damage is irreversible. I learned that here. No need to test the theory.
I am 155 days clean..no pills...ever..just dealt with the brain damage that booze causes..it got better every day.
Still a little messed up...but nothing like the first days, weeks, months...
There are people here that got off booze w out meds. Librium is a benzo..it will cause addiction and withdrawal. ..
No medical advice from me...letting you know that it can and will get better...
Never drink again....we are both past the point of normalcy. I believe that damage is irreversible. I learned that here. No need to test the theory.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 230
Hi Tux
I tried quite a few times to quit and decided that going back to drinking was a better bet. Only it never turned out to be any better and so eventually I would try quitting again.
The last time I tried, I managed to get to the point where I had come too far to consider going back again. It still isn't a complete bed of roses. Sometimes I still feel really down. But most of the time things are so much better than they ever were when I was drinking. Alcohol used to mask it when I was down but it never cured anything. It just postponed it till tomorrow if I was lucky.
The important thing to remember is that it doesn't happen in a straight line at all. This is a roller coaster. But I haven't met anyone yet who has said that they regret quitting alcohol.
Good luck. You are worth it.
I tried quite a few times to quit and decided that going back to drinking was a better bet. Only it never turned out to be any better and so eventually I would try quitting again.
The last time I tried, I managed to get to the point where I had come too far to consider going back again. It still isn't a complete bed of roses. Sometimes I still feel really down. But most of the time things are so much better than they ever were when I was drinking. Alcohol used to mask it when I was down but it never cured anything. It just postponed it till tomorrow if I was lucky.
The important thing to remember is that it doesn't happen in a straight line at all. This is a roller coaster. But I haven't met anyone yet who has said that they regret quitting alcohol.
Good luck. You are worth it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Ireland
Posts: 39
Well, compared to most of you it's not much of an achievement, but I haven't drank for two days. Which is a first in about 3/4 years.
I feel less down at the moment, as the dose for the meds will go down today and I did not have to take them in the morning.
I did kinda shave half my head last night, impulsive much?
I feel less down at the moment, as the dose for the meds will go down today and I did not have to take them in the morning.
I did kinda shave half my head last night, impulsive much?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Auckland
Posts: 2,548
Tux, it is a huge achievement, and there a lots of people who visit this website who are just starting on the road to sobriety like you. This is a great place to get support from others who have a good idea about what you are tackling . You're doing great. You've sought help from your psychologist, your GP, and now here. You sound like a resourceful person with determination. Keep posting - it will be great to hear how you progress. Drinking is misery. You are on the right path :-)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Ireland
Posts: 39
See, and this is the part where triggers might come in.
I enjoyed my routine. I knew it wasn't healthy or a good option, but I have had other moments in my life where I would self-medicate to control my anxiety and my freight train thoughts. Now, I am doped up so I don't go through detox, but I am scared to no end that this is not the answer. What's next? I feel miserable about this.
I enjoyed my routine. I knew it wasn't healthy or a good option, but I have had other moments in my life where I would self-medicate to control my anxiety and my freight train thoughts. Now, I am doped up so I don't go through detox, but I am scared to no end that this is not the answer. What's next? I feel miserable about this.
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
Welcome to SR, Tux! Two days is great and feeling miserable at this stage is pretty normal.
Hang on to the idea that if you do the work needed to stay sober, it will definitely get better. Stay close to us and keep reading about how others here are doing it and then you can figure out what you need to do.
It really does get better.
Hang on to the idea that if you do the work needed to stay sober, it will definitely get better. Stay close to us and keep reading about how others here are doing it and then you can figure out what you need to do.
It really does get better.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Tux
See, and this is the part where triggers might come in.
I enjoyed my routine. I knew it wasn't healthy or a good option, but I have had other moments in my life where I would self-medicate to control my anxiety and my freight train thoughts. Now, I am doped up so I don't go through detox, but I am scared to no end that this is not the answer. What's next? I feel miserable about this.
I enjoyed my routine. I knew it wasn't healthy or a good option, but I have had other moments in my life where I would self-medicate to control my anxiety and my freight train thoughts. Now, I am doped up so I don't go through detox, but I am scared to no end that this is not the answer. What's next? I feel miserable about this.
What's next? Dont' worry about that right now - and I understand how hard it is not to , but you simply cannot. You need to concentrate on today. The "firehose of thoughts" in our heads will tell us all sorts of bad things, but the reality is that sobriety will benefit you in the long run. It took about a week or so for the really bad anxiety from withdrawals to let up, keep in mind that your body is still simply physically adjusting to the change and your mind is adjust to not being constantly sedated.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Tux,
I am sorry that you have to go through this cause it sucks. It sucked for all of us.
But at some point it won't anymore, and if you stick with it, you won't ever have to go through this again.
Most of us were not so smart and tried the rodeo few times -- don't do it. Not worth it all.
Hang in there, please, and keep posting. We are here for you.
I am sorry that you have to go through this cause it sucks. It sucked for all of us.
But at some point it won't anymore, and if you stick with it, you won't ever have to go through this again.
Most of us were not so smart and tried the rodeo few times -- don't do it. Not worth it all.
Hang in there, please, and keep posting. We are here for you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
One day at a time, Tux. Well done so far. The first couple weeks for me were intensely uncomfortable, both physically and emotionally. My emotions were all over the place and I couldn't settle. I've read and heard that this is a common symptom of quitting alcohol.
Hang on, sobriety is so worth this bit of discomfort. Emotions are like waves, they come and they go (as you have already noticed) - try to just observe and not overreact to them. I know, easier said than done.
This too shall pass. You're going to feel so good in a little while.
It's worth the small effort for the huge payoff.
Hang on, sobriety is so worth this bit of discomfort. Emotions are like waves, they come and they go (as you have already noticed) - try to just observe and not overreact to them. I know, easier said than done.
This too shall pass. You're going to feel so good in a little while.
It's worth the small effort for the huge payoff.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Somewhere in California
Posts: 1,136
Get through this initial rough period and you'll be alright. Alcoholism is progressive, but I think sobriety is too- as in it gets progressively better. All you have to do is put in some sober time. Things will get better once you're off this medication, so that could be a good first goal.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 464
I'm coming up to month 3 and I can relate to the "empty feeling". That occurred pretty much everyday for about a month or so.
At month 3 it still happens but not nearly as bad and not nearly as often, maybe once a week now.
Some people have it better though especially after a week. The first week is the hardest, stick through it, it will get easier.
At month 3 it still happens but not nearly as bad and not nearly as often, maybe once a week now.
Some people have it better though especially after a week. The first week is the hardest, stick through it, it will get easier.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Ireland
Posts: 39
Thanks to all for taking the time to response to me. I remember looking for support on Saturday and it seemed impossible. All the 'chat with support now' sites were closed due to it being weekend. How silly of me, who needs support over the weekend 
I am glad I found this page, you have all been very patient so far. It can't be easy to respond to people who are only starting recovery without avoiding triggers. So I have much appreciation for you taking the time for me.
My head feels foggy, but thankfully today is the last day of a very high dose and tomorrow it will become less and less. I worry. As much as I hate this foggy feeling, I do notice that the anxiety is there, its just as if my body doesn't care. Past few days feel like a blur. I am not sure how I will deal with the anxiety without the denial of it through meds.
Out of curiosity, has anyone who was put on librium experienced lack of appetite? I basically haven't eaten since Sunday. I have lost weight due to that.
I am glad I found this page, you have all been very patient so far. It can't be easy to respond to people who are only starting recovery without avoiding triggers. So I have much appreciation for you taking the time for me.
My head feels foggy, but thankfully today is the last day of a very high dose and tomorrow it will become less and less. I worry. As much as I hate this foggy feeling, I do notice that the anxiety is there, its just as if my body doesn't care. Past few days feel like a blur. I am not sure how I will deal with the anxiety without the denial of it through meds.
Out of curiosity, has anyone who was put on librium experienced lack of appetite? I basically haven't eaten since Sunday. I have lost weight due to that.
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