QuietToday

Roommate just told me he's throwing a party this Saturday.

I want to stay strong and just get the hell out of here early enough that there isn't an temptation or call for me to stay. The #1 reason is sobriety as cause---- but I've got to admit that a very distant problem is also on my mind.
I am not getting along with my roommate; it isn't that we've yelled or assaulted each other yet, but it's this increasingly vicious passive language we're using. I caught it when I went sober last Saturday, and I've been doing my best to just terminate this relationship and cool our interactions to a bare minimum as I know that we are just two people who will not get along---
Honestly, if I were to drink here this Saturday, I thoroughly believe that him and I will get into a physical fight. It almost happened last Friday (my last time drinking) when he "accidentally" flipped a cigarette right into my face; I immediately slapped him in the face and there was a bit of a stand-off where we then decided to just drunk-laugh our way out of the scenario--- but it was close.

So it'll happen. I've been drinking a month here and we've developed this serious undertone of imminence. And if we were to truly fight, then I think I'd be the one to be thrown out of school. He's not a guy who would actually hit someone; throw cigarettes and paper and other ****, but he hasn't the guts to punch. And unfortunately I do, so it would be me who gets thrown out...


I know this is ridiculous. The only way this will happen is if I drink on Saturday. So if I don't drink = I don't have anything to worry about.

But the only reason I'm writing this is because, if I do **** up, and I do drink, and I do get thrown out of school, and I do destroy every single thing in my life, I want this post to be here for me to come back to, and to show myself how crazy, irresponsible, and disgusting I am. I know what will happen, plain and simple; it's my job now to not let it happen.



Still... I'm open to any advice and tips to prepare getting myself out of my dorm, and keeping myself out of my dorm until at least two o'clock in the morning.

Dee74

It sounds like you not only need to get out of there this weekend, but permanently QT.

Any chance of you doing that?

D

Verte

Hi QT,

One of my years in school I spent all my time out of my living space and did so successfully by studying at the coffee shop until closing and then heading to the library until the same.

Headphones for focusing in big crowds became a habit that I carry with me to this day, many years later. Hum on the outside, silence on the inside. Bring all your supplies and some food and the cost is minimal while getting quite a bit of work done. It is a winning situation in my book.

Is there a couch somewhere that you could plan to sleep on for that night or weekend? Nothing wrong with staying away to stay sober and in school...actually, everything right about that. Longer term plans can be talked about with your advisor when things are less stressful. Maybe make an appointment though?

QuietToday

Maybe--- ? I'm actually not too sure. It is technically past the housing-change time; but it's possible. I should think if I explained the antagonizing situation maybe they'd let me. I'm also sure if I told them I was an alcoholic and I wanted to get moved to the non-alcohol allowed areas that would also assist.

But... I don't really want to move? I've thought about this, but there's just a few things I guess that stop me.
1) I live in the Senior area. I'm a 25 year-old student, and this, to be honest, gives me a bit of a complex. I kind of roll my eyes quite a bit at the 21 year olds who live in these dorms; but I couldn't imagine how I'd feel if I was surrounded with teenagers. Or I could, which is to say immeasurably embarrassed and uncomfortable.
2) These dorms specifically are very private. They're essentially very small apartments, and are very nice. Nowhere else on campus is like this besides one other area (which allows sophmores/juniors so fills up quickly). Honestly, if I didn't have my own room, and the private quiet of it, I don't think I'd be able to make it through school.

It is something that I need to consider more. But I just hope, and intend, that with my continued sobriety, I will be able to patiently, and calmly, defuse the relationship. He gets drunk every day, and babbles exhaustively, but when I'm sober I have no trouble just waving my hand and yelling a quick and aimless "Uh huh" or "Oh ok" and then going to my room without there being any event between us.

Dee74

Fair enough - in the end it's you that has to way up the credits and debits for your quality of life and your recovery QT

D

QuietToday

These are great tips, and this rekindles when I started sobriety earlier this year. I started the last week of last semester, and I basically did the very things you've described. I kept my headphones on at night when I could hear the parties and was tempted, I got my sleep schedule to a healthy time-frame (before midnight), and I took advantage of the school library and other areas.
Unfortunately the library closes very early on Friday/Saturday (7pm), but at my school the campus is open all night. There's this one area with couches that I actually did sleep on for two nights when I went sober; can certainly do that again!

Thanks for the post. I completely forgot that I started sobriety while at school and had learned some things to work with it.
I feel a bit stronger now: thanks Verte!

SereneEdition

Hi there -

I was an older student too living on campus. For me it was worth the extra cost of having a studio on campus so that I could keep my place alcohol free.

Sounds like you know what to do for this weekend. Since your reason to move is a health issue, there is no timelimit - talk to your student housing department for details.

Johno1967

Yeah tough one. I was never the type to stick around and put up with crap like that. If you can move out Id do that. You are there to study after all, not put up with dramas and get smashed every other night. My plan would be to get out of there this weekend, stay at a friends, youth hostel, backpackers what ever. Move out at earliest opportunity, start a rigorous fitness routine, go to meetings and aim for good grades. You'll see people dropping out or getting turfed out from partying too much and failing their studies while you will see your investment in time and money pay off big. Don't waste your time or your academic staffs time and resources if you plan to fail. Going to varsity for me was like a dream come true. I wasn't going to let anything screw it up. It's what got me through my studies as an alcoholic and it's what I'll tell my kids when they go. Keep focussed, never quit. Good luck mate.

SlickRick07

I've been in very similar situations where I knew there was going to be a problem going into it. I had a 100% certainty that something bad was going to happen. Instead of being smart, I went ahead and got myself into the situation. And sure enough, something bad did happen.

So, do yourself a favor, and get out of the apartment for a night. Go see a few movies, or something.

Also, don't be so hard on yourself. You can't spend your life thinking you're a bad person, vile person just because you've made a few mistakes. We all have, everyone does. It's all you react that makes the difference. One of the best things I ever did, was learn to forgive myself. A lot of my depression went away after that.