tabasco

A year and two weeks sober, three days of drinking, and now on day two.
I'll talk a bit more in a bit, but I feel like an idiot. Thank god I stopped again, two AA meetings today, one in a few hours, I look like **** even after three days. There was no slow start, it was straight back to bottles of vodka, hard and fast. I'm shakey, heart palpitations, fearful, angry, annoyed, upset, stupid stupid! Poor old me eh? Yep, I can indulge in a perverse poor old me arnt I deserving of sympathy and encouragement etc perhaps I'm just an attention seeker. I'm not looking forward to the meetings, I know I'll get lots of attention and head shakes and love, it's so embarrassing. But, it's done, I made it a year, now I have to start again without too much damage done. Sorry.

tenspeedblender

just be proud you stopped after three days and didn't carry the pattern on for a lot longer. dust yourself off from this slip off, pick yourself back up, and keep going. best of luck!

Dee74

Sorry you stumbled Tabasco but it's great you made it back

D

Tooshabby

Yes, just a stumble. One year is terrific!!!

Berrybean

So glad you made it back Tabasco, and well done on getting back on here, and back to the rooms quickly so that people can help you.

Dropsie

Tabasco,

We have all been there. Great that you turned it around so fast. Many don't.

Any idea what caused it? For me, it was simple, over confidence, and not understanding that abstinence and control are not the same.

I could abstain, but not control it. Now with that in my head and heart, it is easier.

Let us know how we can help.

Carver

Hey Tabasco,

It's a stumble. You got back on your sober horse. This doesn't take away that year of sobriety you had - just keep doing what you're doing to fix it

IOAA2

Hi.
Thank you for your post and I hope your comeback is a successful recovery.
Your post shows the uninformed about how progressive and powerfully destructive that first drink is.

It’s an example of the reason so many can’t make sobriety work if we are alcoholics.

Be proud and sober.

BE WELL

tabasco

I tried to get a picture postcard life back too early. Girlfriend moved in with her daughter. But she drinks, and I had to constantly watch it, almost transfixed on a couple of occasions catching myself staring at her G&T, like in a trance, getting a bit closer so I could smell it. Almost an animal reaction, snapping out of it, bloddy hell, I was looking at her drink! That went on for months. I'm ok, I would tell myself. Then, the classic she goes out, I know where her gin is. I look at it. Not today. I look at it again. The rugby is about to start. No, I can't. I go back, yep. It's still there, ****, there is only a third of a bottle. Maybe I could just have one, no one would ever know. Three days of hell, buying bottles, hiding again, just madness. I woke up yesterday morning, there was a glass full of vodka and a splash of Fanta, almost pure vodka, I start to drink it, I throw it away in disgust and call my sponsor. Something saved me, I made a decision, I havnt killed myself YET, stop, start again, you know you are happier without it. I have another meeting in half an hour. I have to resign from a secretary meeting on Friday. I will offer to continue until they find a replacement. It's up to the group. I am ok. I keep telling myself I am ok.

SoberLeigh

Welcome back, tabasco; glad that you are heading to AA meetings and are back on the sober path.

Would your girlfriend consider a no-alcohol home environment?

Your sober year was a great achievement; be proud of your successes.

Soberwolf

Welcome bk bud