Della1968

So any libertarians here you can be welcomed to watch my decline as you know I won't accept government assistance despite having paid into it for others in the past. Enjoy.

You would like to discuss harsh? This will be the last I comment on anything to do with you as I feel these threads detract from those actually seeking help. We all have our issues you do not own the sole rights to trauma and abuse.

sleepie

These threads? Still got me where I am- alcohol free.
I do have the right to express my experiences and emotions. I fought hard for that. I'm keeping it.

Holds1325

Not everyone can be sober and have all the help they need right away. I think that SR (although I havent been here long) is a great place to vent and get frustrations out.

I have been given tons of suggestions on how to find help beyond the capacity of SR but most times its all I can do to just post here because its safe.

Sleepie - I too have grown up in various broken homes, went through abuse and have trouble finding who I am without alcohol. I feel as if my crappy life is the reason why I drank and the reason why I can't find happiness as easy as others.

We have not drank through all of this and thats a huge accomplishment.

Please give her a break guys, at the least, SR has given us reasons not to drink and at times when we want to, we post here instead. I know we have been given lots of good advice and suggestions and they are very much appreciated.

What we value most is people that will listen and SR provides this.

Thank you all for listening to us in this very dark time.

sleepie

Thank you Holds.

I still maintain that being able to say what I need to as I need to has gotten me this far, alcohol free. Which is rather the point of the site. It's not the "Positivity Only" site.

My reality, and I tell it how it is. There are many other threads to visit.

suki44883

Sleepie, I feel nothing but affection for you. I have always tried to be helpful in my responses to you. I'm sorry if you feel I am being mean or enjoy watching you struggle. That is not the case at all.

However, if you feel I am detrimental in any way to you, I will back away from your threads, but I will always wish the very best for you. ((HUGS))

ScottFromWI

You also need to realize that this is the point of the site for everyone Sleepie. The vast, vast majority of the responses you receive are positive and you have to face the reality that not everyone is going to agree with you either. No one has license to simply say whatever they want, whenever they want without recourse - and that includes you.

As a reminder to everyone, this forum is about support - not arguments. Let's keep that in mind.

sleepie

I never thought you were being mean Sukie never ever

zjw

Keep in mind i have not read the whole thread just skimmed thorugh a lot of it. but I know when i first started coming here people told me stuff i didnt wanna hear but needed too. Other people told me stuff I didnt wanna hear and they where totally off base. Other people told me stuff that i wanted to hear. other people told me stuff i needed to hear. Other people told me something totally different that i had not thought of. I prolly ticked some folks off now and then when they think OMG is this guy EVER GOING TO GET IT!!! etc...

point is it takes all kinds all walks of life etc.. its all really pretty beneficial good, bad etc..

Anyhow I love sleepies threads. I really think its been good to see how far sleepies come and yet how REAL sleepie still is etc.. It will be cool to see how things unfold for sleepie too. this is all so beneficial for her and others etc..

hang in there sleepie.

Holds1325

Yes these posts remind me that I'm not the only one going through sobriety like this and perhaps I still have my sanity!

So thank you for that at least.

sleepie

I am very sad, hurt and confused.
I have no problem with anyone here.
But some have let me know they do not like my posts, I have been told to ignore those people... why didn't they just ignore me?
I really don't know what I did wrong.
I'm chalking it up to an LD moment? I think I posted some links and videos to this non verbal learning disorder.

sleepie

I did just quit valium too, anxiety is likely to be high.
Being the owner of several anxiety disorders and also facing medical uncertainties while just having gotten of valium.... presents challenges.

I'm only human guys.

zjw

I think its hard for some people sleepie to understand how sensitive and such you are. I know you and I have butted heads a little here and there like slightly and pretty early on i was like yeah I get her. Shes sensitive and touchy gotta be careful how i say things I dont want things to be taken the wrong way etc..

Maybe not everyone gets this. But regardless all you can do is keep your side of the street clean.

I'm a pretty negative person myself It takes work for me to think more positively. I often hope maybe one day i'll be a postive person through and through but that day has not come for me yet.

I just try to be positive but I also cant lie to myself about my circumstances etc.. but I can try to find the silver lining etc...

I always felt when people where trying to tell me to be positive they where totally clueless. I still do with some folks But I've gotten better about it over the years. I used to joke what should I smile and laugh all the way to bankruptcy court? should I smile when the sheriff chains my house door cause i didnt pay the mortgage ya know remain positive rarararara! am I NOT ALLOWED TO BE SAD OR SOMETHING? ya know like i'm not allowed to feel crummy?

I come to the realization that we are allowed to feel anyway we want. it is how we feel and there is NOTHING wrong with how we feel.

If someone hints that there is something wrong with how you feel or something it can be inconsiderate on there part. This is a tough lesson for me to learn becuase I can sometimes hint that there is something wrong with how someone feels too (guilty).

But I think as we stay sober our thought process evolves. Our thinking changes. some things that used to make us feel one way then make us feel another way. etc..

But that is not something you or anyone can get over night. It just does not work that way. It takes time it a process.

I know I had to be told the same things 28931289321931209312 times till they sunk in. I'm a sloooooooooooow learner and I LOVE to learn the hard way.

You'll get it be patient with yourself. Its not a race.

I know me and a lot of other people think your doing good and your getting there. I realize it takes time everyone moves at there own speed everyones at a different place on this journey.

Quirky

Sleepie,
I think you are very honest and forthcoming with your feelings and I know that's not always a comfortable thing to do.
You need to know you have a safe place here with us at SR to vent and share your worries and struggles. That's what we are here for, to offer support to one another. Well, at least, that's how I see it.
I feel a lot of compassion for you and I'm sure many feel as I do.
I won't tell you not to worry about your health concerns, because I know it's nearly impossible not to. We all worry while awaiting test results; I think that's a pretty normal reaction...
Hang in there Sleepie...xo

sleepie

Thanks guys...
above all I have not had a drink.
Last night at dinner I was eyeing the drink menu thinking hey, one ain't gonna kill me now.
Last night also while here I thought, one to take the edge off til tomorrow, at this point one won't do major damage.
However I refrained and I still count that.
Also no valium today.

Tooshabby

Great Sleepie!!!

Dee74

I am glad you've not been drinking or taken valium today sleepie

D

zjw

many days in early sobriety THAT was all that i had to be thankful for or be positive about. was like well this day was another day of utter trash GRRR BUT i stayed sober at least whatever thats worth and i'd be ok with that much.

the days do get better tho. and be thankful that you have that much to be thankful for! some people dont even have that.

sleepie

I had 2 things in mind as far as drinking, I have a Lego house I build with one piece for each consecutive alcohol free day. If I fall off the wagon I'd have to start building all over again. Also I thought of all the support I get here and along the way , I would just feel bad if threw it all away for a single drink.

sleepie

Thank you Dee for stating in the past that you have seen me grow because I agree though at times I am plagued by self doubts.
I am 4 days shy of an official 3 months off alcohol and it's kind of a milestone for me.

zjw

I like the lego house idea thats pretty cool.

yeah the support you get and such its like GRRR aint this a bitch i'll let people down that care about me SOB GRRRR Its sort of like being accountable but not really. I guess it shows that inside theres a person that gives a **** and cares about otheres etc.. Inside theres someone better then the drunken selves we once where etc..

I think like that to like UGG all the people I"ll let down GRRR. Of course the AV is cunning. I went through a period where i was fantasizing about sneaking a drink. I NEVER had to sneak drinking but i went through a phase where my AV was working really hard at convicing me that i could drink again i'd just simply hide a bottle in a few spots the AV had picked out for me. It took a bit for me to fight away those thoughts. It was so dumb it was like i had this inner desire to be deviant or something.