Mental Obsession
One Day At A Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,054
Mental Obsession
I have come to the realization that I am still obsessed with drinking.
Does this indeed go away with time? Or is it because I haven't done any real recovery?
It's been 113 days of not drinking. I feel like I can "not drink". The benefits are real- I have gratitude for the obvious, tangible results of taking alcohol out of my daily living.
But, what is the difference between a craving, and an obsession that has not been lifted? Is what I 'm doing not working, and I need to add more tools?
For example, we are going to dinner tonight for my MIL's birthday. I have done all I am supposed to do- handle the gifts, cake, etc. However all I can think about this afternoon is the fact that this restaurant we are going to has over 100 wines by the glass. I was looking at the dinner menu online today, happened across that statement, and that was my biggest take-away.
So what?? I don't drink. Period. Alcohol is everywhere- it is impossible to not be in contact with it at some point. Deal with it, right? However, I find myself today literally tearing up and obsessed. If I ask the question right this second, do I want sobriety more than I want to drink- I want to drink. And that answer scares me beyond belief....because I know it is the absolute wrong answer.
Bottom line- I know how not to drink, but I don't know how to be sober.
Does that make any sense? Thanks for reading.
Does this indeed go away with time? Or is it because I haven't done any real recovery?
It's been 113 days of not drinking. I feel like I can "not drink". The benefits are real- I have gratitude for the obvious, tangible results of taking alcohol out of my daily living.
But, what is the difference between a craving, and an obsession that has not been lifted? Is what I 'm doing not working, and I need to add more tools?
For example, we are going to dinner tonight for my MIL's birthday. I have done all I am supposed to do- handle the gifts, cake, etc. However all I can think about this afternoon is the fact that this restaurant we are going to has over 100 wines by the glass. I was looking at the dinner menu online today, happened across that statement, and that was my biggest take-away.
So what?? I don't drink. Period. Alcohol is everywhere- it is impossible to not be in contact with it at some point. Deal with it, right? However, I find myself today literally tearing up and obsessed. If I ask the question right this second, do I want sobriety more than I want to drink- I want to drink. And that answer scares me beyond belief....because I know it is the absolute wrong answer.
Bottom line- I know how not to drink, but I don't know how to be sober.
Does that make any sense? Thanks for reading.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: SE USA
Posts: 599
Well don't do it. You've got a good amount of time but you are still in early sobriety.
The obsession sucks. Mine went away at about 3-4 months. Was it because I was working the steps in AA? I have no idea. If so it disappeared around the time of my 5th step. I do know that I was tired of the obsession and somewhere around that time frame I just accepted the fact that I would never drink again because I could never drink normally. Completely accepted it and that in itself was a huge relief. It got rid of all those maybe's in my head,
As far as your question on doing something for recovery I think everyone should. I think in the long run we have to. Have you looked at the options?
Whatever it takes. Hang in there. It is so worth it.
The obsession sucks. Mine went away at about 3-4 months. Was it because I was working the steps in AA? I have no idea. If so it disappeared around the time of my 5th step. I do know that I was tired of the obsession and somewhere around that time frame I just accepted the fact that I would never drink again because I could never drink normally. Completely accepted it and that in itself was a huge relief. It got rid of all those maybe's in my head,
As far as your question on doing something for recovery I think everyone should. I think in the long run we have to. Have you looked at the options?
Whatever it takes. Hang in there. It is so worth it.
paradox
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 665
What really helped me through early sobriety was a book called: Living Sober.
It was given to me by another alcoholic at an AA meeting.
At that stage of my development it was a life saver as I couldn't really understand the Big Book or concentrate on reading it.
I managed to survive an all-inclusive holiday in Spain for two weeks with my in-laws -- in laws who thought it humorous to offer me drinks.
I would go back to our hotel room and read Living Sober.
The world sometimes seems to be awash with alcohol.
For us it can be a deadly poison.
At some point those two extreme statements faded into the background.
I don't drink, so I don't need to worry about all that booze or what it will do to me if I forget that I don't drink.
I have a plan that I stick to, so that I don't forget.
Not drinking is no longer the all-consuming issue that it was in early times of sobriety.
It does get better.
If you stick with your plan.
It was given to me by another alcoholic at an AA meeting.
At that stage of my development it was a life saver as I couldn't really understand the Big Book or concentrate on reading it.
I managed to survive an all-inclusive holiday in Spain for two weeks with my in-laws -- in laws who thought it humorous to offer me drinks.
I would go back to our hotel room and read Living Sober.
The world sometimes seems to be awash with alcohol.
For us it can be a deadly poison.
At some point those two extreme statements faded into the background.
I don't drink, so I don't need to worry about all that booze or what it will do to me if I forget that I don't drink.
I have a plan that I stick to, so that I don't forget.
Not drinking is no longer the all-consuming issue that it was in early times of sobriety.
It does get better.
If you stick with your plan.
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
"Bottom line- I know how not to drink, but I don't know how to be sober.
Does that make any sense? Thanks for reading."
That makes perfect sense to me. For me, the early days of sobriety were/are (still in early days, 9 months and counting) about not only not drinking, but about rediscovering my life and learning how to live (happily!) sober. It's a process I hope goes on for the rest of my life!
I have trouble with ruminating thoughts, going round and round. So there is that, too. But I am starting to relax into sobriety. Give yourself some time.
Dharma33, 113 days is fantastic!!! Be proud of yourself!
Does that make any sense? Thanks for reading."
That makes perfect sense to me. For me, the early days of sobriety were/are (still in early days, 9 months and counting) about not only not drinking, but about rediscovering my life and learning how to live (happily!) sober. It's a process I hope goes on for the rest of my life!
I have trouble with ruminating thoughts, going round and round. So there is that, too. But I am starting to relax into sobriety. Give yourself some time.
Dharma33, 113 days is fantastic!!! Be proud of yourself!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Hi, Dharma.
First, congratulations on accruing some serious sober time. That's an accomplishment.
One of the things I've read in Dee's posts in my time here on SR is that there seems to be something about that three- to four-month milestone when we find ourselves with a stronger foundation underneath us and yet somewhat challenged, too.
If it helps, I can share some of my own perspectives. For a long time, a big part of us was defined by something outside us, something in a bottle. Not all of us, but a big part. In sobriety, we have to begin redefining ourselves.
Yet this task must be undertaken with the bottle all around us. Online menus are a good example. So is entertainment and the world of our social connections. I'm experiencing that some right now. I'm headed off on vacation in a couple days. The websites about attractions in the place I'll be are replete with brew pubs, wine-tasting and the like. They are for other people. I don't inhabit that world any longer. While it may be something others can enjoy, it was a bad place for me.
So what next? If we concentrate on what we cannot have (booze) and what we cannot be (people who can drink it), we're kind of stuck. Abstaining? Yes. But not living a life of sobriety and recovery.
Sobriety and recovery are about living a very real life. You're just "graduating" from the old existence. Give yourself time to recognize that yours is a life now full of promise and growth. The hardest part -- being an alcoholic -- is behind you.
Last fall, before his diagnosis, Robby Robot started a thread called "Authenticity." You've probably seen it; I recommend spending time there. Our fellow journeyers have great insight there that I think is helpful to anyone asking the questions and confronting the realities that are now part of your life. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...henticity.html
I hope that is of some help.
First, congratulations on accruing some serious sober time. That's an accomplishment.
One of the things I've read in Dee's posts in my time here on SR is that there seems to be something about that three- to four-month milestone when we find ourselves with a stronger foundation underneath us and yet somewhat challenged, too.
If it helps, I can share some of my own perspectives. For a long time, a big part of us was defined by something outside us, something in a bottle. Not all of us, but a big part. In sobriety, we have to begin redefining ourselves.
Yet this task must be undertaken with the bottle all around us. Online menus are a good example. So is entertainment and the world of our social connections. I'm experiencing that some right now. I'm headed off on vacation in a couple days. The websites about attractions in the place I'll be are replete with brew pubs, wine-tasting and the like. They are for other people. I don't inhabit that world any longer. While it may be something others can enjoy, it was a bad place for me.
So what next? If we concentrate on what we cannot have (booze) and what we cannot be (people who can drink it), we're kind of stuck. Abstaining? Yes. But not living a life of sobriety and recovery.
Sobriety and recovery are about living a very real life. You're just "graduating" from the old existence. Give yourself time to recognize that yours is a life now full of promise and growth. The hardest part -- being an alcoholic -- is behind you.
Last fall, before his diagnosis, Robby Robot started a thread called "Authenticity." You've probably seen it; I recommend spending time there. Our fellow journeyers have great insight there that I think is helpful to anyone asking the questions and confronting the realities that are now part of your life. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...henticity.html
I hope that is of some help.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 17
Yeah, the mental obsession is an issue I am struggling with, but I got on to Youtube and find other people who have success stories. This one was pretty good:
" Look in the mirror: a life reinvented Gregory Gourdet | TEDxPortland"
I'm not able to post links yet, but that's the title.
" Look in the mirror: a life reinvented Gregory Gourdet | TEDxPortland"
I'm not able to post links yet, but that's the title.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,785
Dharma-keep on having faith that it gets better. It really truly does. When I was a 4 months, it was also very much a struggle. The seasons were starting to change, much like they are now. My AV changed its ploys to where I was a bit taken aback by this and I really had to do battle with it. It made me wonder if the cravings were ever going to go away and I was also questioning how far along I was, but looking back, I was doing great.
Even at 9 months, I deal with cravings on occasion, but they get to be less and less as time goes on and it really fades to the background. I have talked with several people that have relapsed at 4 months and they say it's not worth it and that starting over again is hard.
These are things that helped me during that 4 month time window, although I still use these on a regular basis:
1. Think about how things were before you quit and how things are now. What has changed?
2. Think about what you like about being sober and what you hated when you were drinking.
3. Think about those cravings in early sobriety and how hard those were. Do you want to go through that again?
Even at 9 months, I deal with cravings on occasion, but they get to be less and less as time goes on and it really fades to the background. I have talked with several people that have relapsed at 4 months and they say it's not worth it and that starting over again is hard.
These are things that helped me during that 4 month time window, although I still use these on a regular basis:
1. Think about how things were before you quit and how things are now. What has changed?
2. Think about what you like about being sober and what you hated when you were drinking.
3. Think about those cravings in early sobriety and how hard those were. Do you want to go through that again?
One Day At A Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,054
It is early on my journey, this is true. I can't ever drink again- that is both the easiest and most difficult solution to my problems at the same time.
If it weren't for SR, I wouldn't be able to say that I have been sober for the past 113 days, and I truly appreciate your wisdom and helping my through my mind-storm today! Walking out the door to dinner I felt much more at ease, knowing my thoughts were in this thread and my sober friends would hold me up. I will take all of your advice to heart.
If I someday am referred to as one of the "Old Timers" on this site, that would certainly be a good day.
If it weren't for SR, I wouldn't be able to say that I have been sober for the past 113 days, and I truly appreciate your wisdom and helping my through my mind-storm today! Walking out the door to dinner I felt much more at ease, knowing my thoughts were in this thread and my sober friends would hold me up. I will take all of your advice to heart.
If I someday am referred to as one of the "Old Timers" on this site, that would certainly be a good day.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,359
Hi Dharma
I obsessed about drinking for 20 years or so...it took a little time for me not to obsess about it....some time longer than 90 days and shorter than a year.
In any case, the obsession itself is nothing but a random crazy flight of fancy without action - so make sure all your actions are good ones.
Think about scenarios where you might be in danger and how to get through them...make sure you have a support base you can turn to...above all, do not drink, no matter what.
There are some great social occasion ideas here:
http://www.cryingoutnow.com/2010/11/...val-guide.html
It's one night. You can do this. You'll be ok
D
I obsessed about drinking for 20 years or so...it took a little time for me not to obsess about it....some time longer than 90 days and shorter than a year.
In any case, the obsession itself is nothing but a random crazy flight of fancy without action - so make sure all your actions are good ones.
Think about scenarios where you might be in danger and how to get through them...make sure you have a support base you can turn to...above all, do not drink, no matter what.
There are some great social occasion ideas here:
http://www.cryingoutnow.com/2010/11/...val-guide.html
It's one night. You can do this. You'll be ok
D
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Maybe it's not as much as you're obsessed (how often do you think about drinking) vs. you hit a "hot"button today. Perhaps as you prepared for MIL Bday and checked out the restaurant maybe you felt a little cheated?!?! 100 wines and I can't drink!!!
Maybe not, but boy there were times - maybe still are once in awhile - I just feel cheated I can't drink. That goes away pretty quick these days into the thought of not that I can't but I don't want to....... . I live a sober life now and choose not to drink
For me that took a little more time than you have now - but not a ton. It wasn't that I was obsessed anymore, I just had to be honest and face the "poor me" issue.
You are very honest in your thread - that is highly laudable and will give you sustenance on your journey - 113 days is terrific - well done!
Maybe not, but boy there were times - maybe still are once in awhile - I just feel cheated I can't drink. That goes away pretty quick these days into the thought of not that I can't but I don't want to....... . I live a sober life now and choose not to drink
For me that took a little more time than you have now - but not a ton. It wasn't that I was obsessed anymore, I just had to be honest and face the "poor me" issue.
You are very honest in your thread - that is highly laudable and will give you sustenance on your journey - 113 days is terrific - well done!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 29
Cravings in early sobriety are freaking hell. And I censored that. The words I had chosen were much.... stronger.
Don't go back to that crap. Alcohol is poison. Like meth or heroin or cocaine. All the same... just alcohol happens to be readily available.
Don't go back to that crap. Alcohol is poison. Like meth or heroin or cocaine. All the same... just alcohol happens to be readily available.
One Day At A Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,054
not that I can't but I don't want to....... . I live a sober life now and choose not to drink
FNB- that's huge. Exactly- not 'poor me', and boy can I get a case of that if I let myself. I think it's you that say, I can drink anytime I want, I just choose not to.
And isn't that it? It is a choice. I choose not to because I'm never going back there. As I wrote on another thread, I got out before anything really terrible happened.....just one day flipped the switch.
Building sober muscles. And thanks, Ven and dox- I will get to reading.
FNB- that's huge. Exactly- not 'poor me', and boy can I get a case of that if I let myself. I think it's you that say, I can drink anytime I want, I just choose not to.
And isn't that it? It is a choice. I choose not to because I'm never going back there. As I wrote on another thread, I got out before anything really terrible happened.....just one day flipped the switch.
Building sober muscles. And thanks, Ven and dox- I will get to reading.
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
The obsession absolutely can go away. It did for me for a long time and sobriety was just my way of life; it was like Fly N Buy said, I didn't even want to drink any more.
Then I quit practicing my recovery program. After enough backsliding into negative thinking, self-pity and resentment, I came to the point where I did want to drink again, but I couldn't. It took me a few more years of misery before I could actually do it. It was like the opposite of getting sober, but I got to the point where I fully believed that sobriety was ruining all the "enjoyment" I could have in life. Insane but true.
Now I get to enjoy the cravings again, but I know that returning to my recovery tools and using them is helping me to rebuild that contented sobriety that I once had. I've learned that I can never take that for granted.
Then I quit practicing my recovery program. After enough backsliding into negative thinking, self-pity and resentment, I came to the point where I did want to drink again, but I couldn't. It took me a few more years of misery before I could actually do it. It was like the opposite of getting sober, but I got to the point where I fully believed that sobriety was ruining all the "enjoyment" I could have in life. Insane but true.
Now I get to enjoy the cravings again, but I know that returning to my recovery tools and using them is helping me to rebuild that contented sobriety that I once had. I've learned that I can never take that for granted.
One Day At A Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,054
Hi,
Today I am celebrating 5 months of sobriety. It's a great day! Just a little update of some progress since starting this thread.
Thanks to all who responded to my original thread- it has been so helpful and I have re-read it many times over the past month.
You were all right- I am so glad to say that I feel free of the obsession. Somewhere in the past month, it has been lifted....not sure if it magically evaporated or that I just said to myself; this topic has been exhausted now.
Truly I worked hard on the 'poor me' portion, and feeling left out. I've left this where it belongs for me now- in the past. Replacing it is a sense of pride. I have an affliction- I am an alcoholic, and addict but I am not active in my addiction. Everything is turning around in my life toward good- simply because I don't drink. The seemingly small act of not taking the first sip is the answer.
Dox, I can't thank you enough for referring me to read 'Living Sober'. It has been an amazing tool, and there are a lot of 'A-ha' moments in it for me. I have passed the title on many times in chat.
For years, I beat myself up- and wallowed in anxiety and an impending sense of doom. Now I am giving myself room to be happy- and I have so much to be grateful for. However, 'never mistake abstinence for control' (Dee) is written down where I see it every day.
I had a fundraising event I attended over the weekend- and I can say with absolute confidence...waking up the next morning without the regret of doing 'The Whip and The Nae Nae' dance with the buzzed-up gang was priceless!
Today I am celebrating 5 months of sobriety. It's a great day! Just a little update of some progress since starting this thread.
Thanks to all who responded to my original thread- it has been so helpful and I have re-read it many times over the past month.
You were all right- I am so glad to say that I feel free of the obsession. Somewhere in the past month, it has been lifted....not sure if it magically evaporated or that I just said to myself; this topic has been exhausted now.
Truly I worked hard on the 'poor me' portion, and feeling left out. I've left this where it belongs for me now- in the past. Replacing it is a sense of pride. I have an affliction- I am an alcoholic, and addict but I am not active in my addiction. Everything is turning around in my life toward good- simply because I don't drink. The seemingly small act of not taking the first sip is the answer.
Dox, I can't thank you enough for referring me to read 'Living Sober'. It has been an amazing tool, and there are a lot of 'A-ha' moments in it for me. I have passed the title on many times in chat.
For years, I beat myself up- and wallowed in anxiety and an impending sense of doom. Now I am giving myself room to be happy- and I have so much to be grateful for. However, 'never mistake abstinence for control' (Dee) is written down where I see it every day.
I had a fundraising event I attended over the weekend- and I can say with absolute confidence...waking up the next morning without the regret of doing 'The Whip and The Nae Nae' dance with the buzzed-up gang was priceless!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
