EJP

Im just past 150 days sober and Im really struggling with social situations that I dread. I have had some problems with panic attacks in the past and lately whenever there is some kind of social group that I dont want to do like a meeting or family gathering, I dread the event and here's the big problem, Ive been getting easily offended and angry at people. I become anxious and hostile and then rage for hours afterwards

This happened yesterday and even though I jogged after work, I still slept horribly and then dwelled upon it all day today. And now I feel completely depressed for not handling the stress very well.

At some level, i realize im going into these situations looking to be offended or attacked but I dont know how to work through this at the moment.

Dee74

Hi EJP

I was very careful which social situations I attended for a while....of course work functions are a different matter.

Have you had panic attacks before?
If this is impacting heavily on your life, have you considered counselling?

D

waynetheking

Hey ejp, this to shall pass. You have 5 months now and thats fantastic! For me at that time I was getting frustrated with people as well. I avoided social functions here in my city. I was just plain tired of dealing with people. Eventually this feeling of interaction with people other than work, became much easier. But ill be honest, for me it took about a year. Just give it time. I think its part of the healing process. Your brain is healing. Its going to tax your emotions. Just see it through and stay the course. Alcoholism put a continuous mirage in front of you day after day. And even after you quit it still trys to fool ya. This social anxiety thing is just another way this disease trys to take you down. Eventually it goes away, for good!

brynn

EJP...it's so good to see you!

Recognizing the feelings is a huge first step to dealing with the problem. I think it would be really helpful to talk to a counselor about the rage and subsequent feelings. I know you hate feeling this way and you deserve to live a life of peace.

mpr

Sometimes early on in sobriety you have to almost go underground in hermit mode, sounds a bit silly but it helps. Just focus on yourself, find your footing and reemerge when you're in a better place. As far as work and mandatory situations go, well you've just got to bite the bullet and manage as best as possible.

Congrats on 150 days!

Soberwolf

Have you spoke to a Dr

sg1970

When I put down the bottle I had to address the real issues underneath. Just not drinking wasn't enough. That's what your anger makes me think of. Do you have any kind of recovery program?

Mountainmanbob

This sober better life thing.
Takes much time to work out.
There are social events that I would prefer to avoid.
I do avoid the ones I can.
Try to learn from the others.
Learning self control is not easy for me at times.
But, real growth it seems takes work and stepping out.
MM

NestWasEmpty

EJP I still can't be in those situations after 2 years with being around a lot of people drinking I get all jittery , anxiety starts very uncomfortable . I feel if I try to stay I may just pick up & I'm scared of that ..
I think my social times might be a thing of the past , that I will never get back .
I wish you luck in finding something that helps
I'm sure we are not alone with our feelings ??

FreddyBear

I struggle with it too, EJP. The world sometimes seems hostile, and I need to remind myself by telling "it's not real, it's inside your head!".

I have social anxiety to the full, even have trouble maintaining eye contact and saying hello. Beer helped a lot with that in the beginning, but then I just made a fool out of myself too maby times. I'm shy and introverted, and will have to accept it and life with that. Maybe you should also accept it, and it will relax you a bit.

elsker

EJP, I am someone who struggles in social situations as well. I have to echo Dee...for my sanity, I've been avoiding really uncomfortable social situations. I attend AA and of course, the meetings (usually large) can be challenging, but I never regret going to a meeting. It helps to talk with people at the meetings and with my sponsor.

Also echoing (again) Dee and others...if this anxiety is debilitating, perhaps a visit to a Doc would be a good idea.

I hope things improve for you.

zjw

reminds me of myself. Just last night I had a dream my wife and i where going out to dinner alone we get there and well like 10 other people show up. and the place was crowded. I was so angry so frazzled it was just so many people and so much commotion everyone and all there opinion etc.. it all can be very overwhelming for me to keep up with. I ended up wanting to leave early only to find my car had been stolen that was about the only bad thing that happened that didnt bother me I was like well this isnt a bad thing I hated that thing anyhow haha.

But In the begining situations like this where way worse for me like you I dwelled on it. and allowed it to drive me nuts.

I'm doing much better about it but even now I have a meeting today at 11:30 I've been angry about this since friday. But I put it out of my mind most of the weekend but it started to haunt me again last night and I've had a very bad morning and knowing this is on the horizon has made it worse.

My best advice is to try and only concern yourself with it when the time comes to be int he situation. and once its done its done try and move forward regardless of how good orbad it was etc..

It does get easier. I can relate however.

Bird615

Part of the reason I started drinking again was out of loneliness. My distorted thinking told me that it would help me be more sociable.

But I was so used to my real self (shy and introverted) by the time I did relapse after all those years, that being drunk and then more outgoing just felt really wrong to me. It wasn't long at all before I ended up just drinking at home alone anyway because that was more comfortable.

So now that I'm back in recovery, I'm more accepting of myself and no longer feel it necessary to force myself to be more sociable than I can handle. But I am more comfortable with other people in recovery, because I feel like they "get me".

Is the anger you feel somehow a way for you to make it okay to yourself that you can't be in those situations? That's just a thought that occurred to me, I could be way off on that.

fini

hi EJP,

going into situations looking to be offended....wow, yeah, that rings a bell with me!
and then being confirmed in my perception that indeed others are attacking, offensive, hostile, jerks.
when the reality was that my attitude going in was hostile. difficult. ornery and defensive.
i defended long before i got attacked.
and that was going on all my life and well into sobriety. what helped me change that was to do the work of the steps and seeing my own part in setting it up that way in many scenarios. not saying there aren't hostile people and jerks around; of course there are.
this took me a long time because i couldn't see the connections between the crap i brought to situations and people and "recovery". that "the rest of it" needed a total investigating and overhaul.
sounds like that's the spot you're in?

Soberwolf

Walking has helped me massively later that & reading really helps

EJP

Thank you all for the responses.
I did seek therapy about a year ago when panic attacks had turned me agoraphobic but because of scheduling and what not, i never saw anyone. I purchased some books to help me deal with the anxiety/panic and have mostly been working through everything myself with the support of my wife.

Things are sooo much better than a year ago but certain days feel so still so crushing when I know they shouldn't be. It becomes very frustrating.

On the bright side i was able to take the family to visit my parents for a few days (not something i was looking forward to at all) and the trip went well without incident.

Soberwolf

I understand EJP

Holds1325

My mind tends to race towards social anxiety but I just be social anyway and the thoughts leave. Its almost as if I'm telling my brain that I don't care that people might think I'm weird or crazy or whatever I'm just going to go anyway. I get it all the time, sometimes going to the store and ESPECIALLY coming into work but in reality, I couldn't care less about what people thought even when I did drink.

The quitting though did ramp it up though but yeah just constantly exposing myself to social settings and not really caring what people think helps me tons.

Gottalife

In AA speak we call this a resentment. I never had much problem with resentments when I was drinking, but when I stopped, boy I was raw. I faced the same problem as you. Resentments are dangerous to me so I had to find a way to deal with them. They actually fitted in better with active alcoholism than sobriety.

To quote the big book, " They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks". That described me pretty well and seems consistent with what you describe.

There wasnt a simple answer that I could just apply one day, and the problem would be gone for good. In fact it was beyond my power to correct. Einstein once said " a problem cannot be solved by the same consciousness that created it in the first place"

My fundamental problem was my reaction to life. Thinsg that wouldnt worry another person would set me stewing for days. I could take offence where none was intended, and most of all I would be exptremely out of wack if things didn't go the wau I thought they should.

I had to undergo a profound change in my reaction to life to fix this problem, because it was these old reactions and ways of thinking that always lead me back to the drink.. It took some time and effort on my part, and I had a lot of help.

The path I took was through the 12 steps of AA, the last thing I ever wanted to do, but it has worked as promised. The emotions you describe, in their extreme form are a thing of the past.

brynn

EJP.....so glad you were able to take a trip to your parents and that things are better than they were a year ago.