sleepie

I am inconsolable today.

sleepie

Walked around. Had a non alcoholic drink, water. Yay.
Dietary restrictions, no drinking.
Can't concentrate enough to read. Tried to listen to stuff on youtube, can't concentrate. Watching something doesn't interest me.
It's hot and disgusting.
Today is total garbage.
Nobody to spend time with. Unless I want to watch them drink.
Alone.
Angry.
Bored.
Hungry and if I see one more piece of kale I will vomit every inch of my intestines out. Can't eat anything I actually enjoy.

Pondlady

Sleepie, How about a cool shower and an early bedtime....start fresh tomorrow. Sometimes little pleasure, shower, lotion, clean jammies, soft music....make me feel less agitated.

Dee74

I think Pondy has a good idea. If it all seems too much today, leave it until you feel in a better mood.

D

sleepie

A cool shower sure.
but i lay in bed for hours and hours not sleeping.
i just don't sleep.

rachelle77

I'm sorry for what you are going through, Sleepie. It sounds nerve-wracking. I hope you can get some rest tonight and wake up to a brand new day full of more internal sunshine.

sleepie

it is nerve wracking. i don't think i'll sleep tonight.
i have to go take public trans tomorrow which gives me the willies, my fear of being criticized made fun of is in high gear. I don't want to be in public.

Soberwolf

(((((Sleepie))))) Sleepie print this thread out and book a dr apt to get help with some of the things like not sleeping

Have you thought about mtns or volenteering or group therapy

Hang in there sleepie

sleepie

I am way to irritable to do volunteering now. I have a small gig in the neighborhood for a few hours a day.
Just out of my mind with worry, extremely tired of dr appointments this year and not going back soon. It's been every da** thing from eyes to teeth to check ups and etc. blood sugar readings etc. SICK of it. Always worried about my health. All day every day. This usually gets better after the first week but something in me just tells me I am f**ed this time, I've done myself in.

sleepie

Also been fearful of the night and keep lights on. Boyfriend won't sleep w me cause he just has to have the AC on and I don't since I prefer to try and acclimate to the heat so I don't have a stroke if I go outdoors.
Alone and scared and sleepless.
All the doctor ever says is exercise. I do and I get more keyed up.

Dee74

I had a bad year last year healthwise - it was hard to keep going and seeing the Dr and everyone some got fixed something else happened.

But I got better and this year has been pretty good.

Don't lose hope sleepie

D

Upwardspiral

Please don't give up Sleepie, your body is still healing! If you quit now you'll never know how your recovery is going to turn out. Hugs!

happybeingme

Sleepie, instead of blaming the boyfriend how about you try to not be so rigid and put the air conditioning on so he will come over?

I hear a lot of I can't and I won't from you. From where I am sitting none of that has made you happy. So try changing it for awhile. And I mean more than doing it once or twice. Do it for 90 days. Say I can and I will only.

Retread1959

Diabetic here as well. I don't expect my blood sugar to get better because of sobriety. I do expect my liver to function better and my pancreas to get a break and this may or may not eventually translate into better numbers. I also plan to exercise more during the times I would have been drinking, and that's good for diabetes, too. I think it's great that you're recovering. There will be so many health benefits for you. Maybe not the ones you expect, and maybe those will come, too, if you just give it a little more time. We've done major damage to our bodies and I don't think it's going to clear up overnight. Hang in there; you'll feel better for it.

zjw

I obsess over my health. I figured it would ease up but each day of sobriety i wanted to be better. for months and now years i've done nothing but try and improve my health. thinking sooner or later i'll be full healed and feel "normal" again.

A lot of what i have done has really gone a long way to improve my circumstances. BUT the constant worrying about it and such is also counter productive.

I have had thoughts lately of what if i am gonna get lung cancer from all the smoking i've done. And my head starts to spiral downwards well then whats the point maybe I should just go smoke then screw it etc..

For me its best if i just try not to focus on the worst outcome and try and ignore it.

It sounds to me like your in a rut. I get like this I'll feel kinda blah and then it goes down hill from there.

I hope it passes for you soon and a better mood comes along. I tell myself this will pass this stuff is transient it will pas in the meantime just push through it. I always does for me these days. BUT i also know that it can pass and be much worse if i go out and drink or smoke or eat garbage or say F it on my exercise. I know if i keep some things constant Good diet, exercise, dont drink, dont smoke when these moods come they will surely go and what comes next will be better. But if i screw around and dont keep those things constant it will surely get worse for me.

Familyhelper151

Don't feel discouraged. I know you seem a bit depressed but keep your head up. Talk to some friends and do something fun like a see a movie. We want you to do well!!

Rio97

I'm feeling discouraged too. I think it's normal, but today has hit me like a ton of bricks. Hang in there

ClearLight

One thing for sure - alcohol will make things worse. And you'll feel worse.
I hope you'll feel better soon. Hopefully keeping on the same track of losing weight and exercising will bring better results over time.

zjw

it comes and it goes. it stinks being in the thick of it.

For me I've learned sobriety takes constant work. its a constant effort for me to keep my head out of the gutter. I have my good times and bad times. luckily the good times seem to be more then the bad these days.

but it is indeed still a wrestling match at times to pull myself back up out of the gutter.

I just assume this is the way that it is. least its how it is for me anyhow.

least

How are you doing today Sleepie? How was the public transportation? I live in a small city that barely has any transportation, mostly taxis.

I hope you're feeling better.