Authenticity VI
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
wow, all I can say is WOW. Everyone here is amazing.
Thanks for taking the time to post Sir Robert. Much appreciated. And everyone else who posted I say Thank You as well.
When cancer came to town... made me think of something else.
All I can add is a song.
Thanks for taking the time to post Sir Robert. Much appreciated. And everyone else who posted I say Thank You as well.
When cancer came to town... made me think of something else.
All I can add is a song.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
yes; of course you're on top of the practical material physical support and resources. sorry; didn't mean to imply you arent.
you're asking for experience.
well...i have some.
not a spouse, but a man i loved from soul-bottom. ancient, eternal. and yeah, even though there is that "eternal" part, there is the very real death and loss(floored me, how desperate i was for that phisicality), which swept over me/us in immeasurable waves. just as did love. but it was love that took over everything. steady.
at times, the fear wave threatened to take me down, but the love was bigger. always bigger. always there.
when it was all over, ...okay, i won't lie. it was awful. that, too, felt overpowering. but it wasn't. could only overpower in moments.
i spent a couple of years driven to writing and reading poems. something i hadn't done before. trying to write love and grief. it helped. a need for the "right words". expression. ex-press. push out.
i often expressed in a scream in my truck at work. top of my lungs. it helped.
here's what i know, what came with me from that whole :
love took over, and felt like guidance. that's how i experienced it. it would ground us. always. find the way forward. it knew what i did not. sounds weird, but there it is. guidance from something greater than "self"/ego.
what was "left" afterwards wasn't memories, though those too. of course.
what remains is the imprint. the imprint of that person, of that connection, and of a changed me.
and that imprint carries forward.
you're asking for experience.
well...i have some.
not a spouse, but a man i loved from soul-bottom. ancient, eternal. and yeah, even though there is that "eternal" part, there is the very real death and loss(floored me, how desperate i was for that phisicality), which swept over me/us in immeasurable waves. just as did love. but it was love that took over everything. steady.
at times, the fear wave threatened to take me down, but the love was bigger. always bigger. always there.
when it was all over, ...okay, i won't lie. it was awful. that, too, felt overpowering. but it wasn't. could only overpower in moments.
i spent a couple of years driven to writing and reading poems. something i hadn't done before. trying to write love and grief. it helped. a need for the "right words". expression. ex-press. push out.
i often expressed in a scream in my truck at work. top of my lungs. it helped.
here's what i know, what came with me from that whole :
love took over, and felt like guidance. that's how i experienced it. it would ground us. always. find the way forward. it knew what i did not. sounds weird, but there it is. guidance from something greater than "self"/ego.
what was "left" afterwards wasn't memories, though those too. of course.
what remains is the imprint. the imprint of that person, of that connection, and of a changed me.
and that imprint carries forward.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Robby, thank you very much for the update. Your resourcefulness continues to amaze me... and so does the love and unity between you and Melissa as well. The two of you and this whole unfolding with all of us here on SR is such an outstandingly unique experience that I currently don't have words for. Yeah, I manage to run out of words and other forms of expression sometimes.
All the reactions here are very interesting to me. I still don't find any of this really disturbing... and this does not mean that I am not devastated by the whole progression and your impending death getting closer and closer. Definitely not that. I think it's more a example for what we talked about earlier, about that "undertow". When I said repeatedly how I am not afraid of diving into it as deeply as it can get, but I am often afraid of losing my mind. Well maybe I already have little to lose; I think this would read pretty effed up for many people, maybe a bit less so here on SR. I'm just being honest.
Fini, that experience you have described... OMG it sounds so familiar! All of it and much more (I know there is also much more to your story), except that in mine the ending was not death... but what led to it subjectively felt like dying for sure. And continuing the analogy, it was like dying of addiction. Or dying of love? I am still often confused about the difference when it comes to that relationship of mine. And the imprint (as fini expressed) definitely carries forward, I doubt that I will ever be free of it truly.
I think this is true for all of us in this little circuit here as well, we'll carry forward your imprint, Robby, and I guess none of us can tell yet how it is going to be transmitted on and where in our unique ways, what sorts of things we will infuse with it. You see, this is it: I very definitely don't want to avoid or escape being imprinted this way, no matter how disturbing or difficult
All the reactions here are very interesting to me. I still don't find any of this really disturbing... and this does not mean that I am not devastated by the whole progression and your impending death getting closer and closer. Definitely not that. I think it's more a example for what we talked about earlier, about that "undertow". When I said repeatedly how I am not afraid of diving into it as deeply as it can get, but I am often afraid of losing my mind. Well maybe I already have little to lose; I think this would read pretty effed up for many people, maybe a bit less so here on SR. I'm just being honest.
Fini, that experience you have described... OMG it sounds so familiar! All of it and much more (I know there is also much more to your story), except that in mine the ending was not death... but what led to it subjectively felt like dying for sure. And continuing the analogy, it was like dying of addiction. Or dying of love? I am still often confused about the difference when it comes to that relationship of mine. And the imprint (as fini expressed) definitely carries forward, I doubt that I will ever be free of it truly.
I think this is true for all of us in this little circuit here as well, we'll carry forward your imprint, Robby, and I guess none of us can tell yet how it is going to be transmitted on and where in our unique ways, what sorts of things we will infuse with it. You see, this is it: I very definitely don't want to avoid or escape being imprinted this way, no matter how disturbing or difficult
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,424
I started lurking this thread late in the game and have never posted here, but just wanted to say I am in awe of your strength Robby and Melissa, your ability to deal with all you are being dealt and share here so that so many can see what strength and love really is. I will be thinking of you and all who are so affected by this thread.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 298
Rob, may God be with you and keep you in His care.
Melissa, same with you.
That's all that can be said.
That's all that I prayed for my dad and mom, many years ago.
Rob, may you be in peace in God's hands.
Melissa, same with you.
That's all that can be said.
That's all that I prayed for my dad and mom, many years ago.
Rob, may you be in peace in God's hands.
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
Rob, Melissa, sorry I haven't been around. You deserve all the love and support you can get now.
Robby, tell me a hallucination! (Maybe a little mirth?)
I still have them. Corner of the eye flits. I often wonder if it's my glasses. No, they're there with glasses off. And trust me...corner of the eye movements with tinnitus can produce paranoia. Not to mention interesting traffic moments.
I know it sounds trite and I'm repeating myself but the sentiment is honest: We walk among Titans here.
Robby, tell me a hallucination! (Maybe a little mirth?)
I still have them. Corner of the eye flits. I often wonder if it's my glasses. No, they're there with glasses off. And trust me...corner of the eye movements with tinnitus can produce paranoia. Not to mention interesting traffic moments.
I know it sounds trite and I'm repeating myself but the sentiment is honest: We walk among Titans here.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Hi Robby and Melissa.
I just wanted to share with you a little thing (not so little really) that happened when my mom passed from this earth.
She had been an alcoholic, and ruined her health, and even though she found sobriety for a few years, she passed too young.
We- her adult kids- had unresolved angers, sorrows and regrets , obviously, my sisters and I. We were very sad that she had suffered for so much of her life.
One night, about a week after she had gone, I had a dream..yet, not a dream, More like a 'visit'. It only lasted a moment or two, but I saw my moms face above me. She was beautiful again! and looked to be in perfect health, and so happy. She smiled at me, letting me know she was ok...more than ok , really. Perfectly happy, and fully restored. No shame, no sickness, nothing but love in her face.
The really amazing thing about this is that my sister had the same 'dream', during the same time, describing it just as I did. We knew that she was no longer sick, weak, or anything less than perfect and full of joy.
Sounds crazy I know, but its true. I believe love binds us forever, and never dies.
I just wanted to share with you a little thing (not so little really) that happened when my mom passed from this earth.
She had been an alcoholic, and ruined her health, and even though she found sobriety for a few years, she passed too young.
We- her adult kids- had unresolved angers, sorrows and regrets , obviously, my sisters and I. We were very sad that she had suffered for so much of her life.
One night, about a week after she had gone, I had a dream..yet, not a dream, More like a 'visit'. It only lasted a moment or two, but I saw my moms face above me. She was beautiful again! and looked to be in perfect health, and so happy. She smiled at me, letting me know she was ok...more than ok , really. Perfectly happy, and fully restored. No shame, no sickness, nothing but love in her face.
The really amazing thing about this is that my sister had the same 'dream', during the same time, describing it just as I did. We knew that she was no longer sick, weak, or anything less than perfect and full of joy.
Sounds crazy I know, but its true. I believe love binds us forever, and never dies.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,042
Hi Rob. Hi Melissa. I've waited to respond to your thoughtful & gracious post until I could give it a fraction of the attention it deserves.
As I said, my husband hallucinates on opiates. He hates it, but they don't frighten him. He converses with them. I dislike listening to him talking to them, and he can't sleep when he's hallucinating, so it's stressful for both of us. Melissa, correct me if I'm wrong, I think you posted here after that night because you were thoroughly freaked out. 100% understood, I'm glad you posted.
I think we all know you two don't need most of our suggestions -- the forum's like that generally. Someone posts when they're feeling weak -- or strong, for that matter -- and by the time they read the responses, they often don't feel that way anymore. But the response might help the responder, or some lurker, and sometimes it helps the person who feels badly just to know that there's a stranger on the other end of the internet who cares.
I don't know how it works. Everyone reaches blindly in the general direction of their fellows, and nearly-random fingers touch.
So, Melissa, I'm glad you hollered when you were feeling scared, and I'm glad each of us, including Robby, responded as we did.
I have a story, but I don't know if it's true. A couple of days before my father died, a bird got into the house . I can't remember how a bird was supposed to have gotten into the house -- through a chimney? Probably. I guess my mother heard it flying around, but how to catch it, what to do before it got itself killed or hurt? There's my dad, dying in the dining room, there's my mother with what turned out to be uterine cancer, and there's a bird periodically flapping down a hallway or stairwell. Oh, and there's one of those good-hearted, strong-armed women who helped lift my dad. But she was afraid of the bird.
The evening of the night my father died, my mother opened the front door, and the bird flew out. That's the phrase she used, when she talked about the night he died. The bird flew out.
Nix the reefer. Put that in your pipe and smoke it!
Originally Posted by RobbyRobot 
I can "see" the hallucinations as they happen. For the onlooker, it might seem entirely different and scary, especially since my beautiful Melissa rightfully has her own feelings, fears, insights, and concerns.
I think we all know you two don't need most of our suggestions -- the forum's like that generally. Someone posts when they're feeling weak -- or strong, for that matter -- and by the time they read the responses, they often don't feel that way anymore. But the response might help the responder, or some lurker, and sometimes it helps the person who feels badly just to know that there's a stranger on the other end of the internet who cares.
I don't know how it works. Everyone reaches blindly in the general direction of their fellows, and nearly-random fingers touch.
So, Melissa, I'm glad you hollered when you were feeling scared, and I'm glad each of us, including Robby, responded as we did.
Originally Posted by RobbyRobot
What we are truly struggling with though is how Melissa and I will all to soon be separated by death.
The evening of the night my father died, my mother opened the front door, and the bird flew out. That's the phrase she used, when she talked about the night he died. The bird flew out.
Nix the reefer. Put that in your pipe and smoke it!
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,359
Hi all.
Thanks for the update Rob. Your post still sounds like 100% authentic you. I am glad you are controlling your physical pain. I really was worried about that. It's the icky part before death that I don't like thinking about, not actually death itself. Besides, cancer has a reputation of being a real bitch.
Night all.
Thanks for the update Rob. Your post still sounds like 100% authentic you. I am glad you are controlling your physical pain. I really was worried about that. It's the icky part before death that I don't like thinking about, not actually death itself. Besides, cancer has a reputation of being a real bitch.
Night all.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by courage2
Hi Rob. Hi Melissa. I've waited to respond to your thoughtful & gracious post until I could give it a fraction of the attention it deserves.
As I said, my husband hallucinates on opiates. He hates it, but they don't frighten him. He converses with them. I dislike listening to him talking to them, and he can't sleep when he's hallucinating, so it's stressful for both of us. Melissa, correct me if I'm wrong, I think you posted here after that night because you were thoroughly freaked out. 100% understood, I'm glad you posted.
As I said, my husband hallucinates on opiates. He hates it, but they don't frighten him. He converses with them. I dislike listening to him talking to them, and he can't sleep when he's hallucinating, so it's stressful for both of us. Melissa, correct me if I'm wrong, I think you posted here after that night because you were thoroughly freaked out. 100% understood, I'm glad you posted.
Let's be clear however, it was my following post that reminded people to read up some before just posting what are common sense suggestions. I'm the one who took offense, and I don't regret my position taken either.
You know, Melissa and I can't just sit down with whatever professional and discuss what is happening as if her and I don't have the life experiences we actually have. For myself, I will very quickly swamp such professionals with my very deep issues, and I will articulate these same issues to a very keen understanding well beyond their practical grasp. Oh sure, they would love to hear me share, but they have not much to share back to actually "help" me. Sounds like I think I'm all that, and a bag of chips, lol. Like I've said before, I'm not an easy to person to help, and I'm not an easy friend either, but then who is, yeah?
As for Melissa, she would just quickly shut down and wall herself off from the "practical advices" offered and prefer to speak to someone who personally understands from their own life experiences.Seriously, anybody here who believes Melissa and I can just "get down" with what is offered as "help and support" through the common channels offered in generalized public hospice care, well, those same people are missing the better purposes of these ongoing Authenticity threads, okay?
I opened these threads for exactly the reason that I and Melissa would quickly burn through regular counselling resources, but that I didn't expect to burn through the contributors to these threads. And I have been right. These threads really help Melissa and I simply because we are discussing with our peers and friends life and death issues while still being our authentic selves in real time discussions.
These threads are not for everybody, and they don't have to be. And they are not for the lurker either, who for whatever reason feels like they are unable or otherwise to contribute. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for lurkers, no worries, lurk as much as desired. However, these threads will not by me anyways, be allowed to be watered down so everybody can join hands and sing kumbaya songs as if any and all advice is appropriate for Melissa and I.
I think we all know you two don't need most of our suggestions -- the forum's like that generally. Someone posts when they're feeling weak -- or strong, for that matter -- and by the time they read the responses, they often don't feel that way anymore. But the response might help the responder, or some lurker, and sometimes it helps the person who feels badly just to know that there's a stranger on the other end of the internet who cares.
I don't know how it works. Everyone reaches blindly in the general direction of their fellows, and nearly-random fingers touch.
So, Melissa, I'm glad you hollered when you were feeling scared, and I'm glad each of us, including Robby, responded as we did.
I don't know how it works. Everyone reaches blindly in the general direction of their fellows, and nearly-random fingers touch.
So, Melissa, I'm glad you hollered when you were feeling scared, and I'm glad each of us, including Robby, responded as we did.
Certainly those new to the threads, yes, I can understand they want to offer something to help out as it is a compelling story. Otherwise, no, from accomplished contributors, I don't understand, and so I took offense. You know, its friendship and fellowship Melissa and I are needing in these threads. I'm all stocked up on practical common sense advice. I know how to use google too, yeah?
Experiences shared from others lives is what we are looking for, is what we have to offer ourselves in return. Doesn't have to be all about cancer. This isn't the damn "cancer thread" This is about how even in the most grim circumstances people can still not only be authentically themselves, they can even flourish beyond the wildest expectations and be real time happy and content even when all around themselves are lousy circumstances.
I have a story, but I don't know if it's true. A couple of days before my father died, a bird got into the house . I can't remember how a bird was supposed to have gotten into the house -- through a chimney? Probably. I guess my mother heard it flying around, but how to catch it, what to do before it got itself killed or hurt? There's my dad, dying in the dining room, there's my mother with what turned out to be uterine cancer, and there's a bird periodically flapping down a hallway or stairwell. Oh, and there's one of those good-hearted, strong-armed women who helped lift my dad. But she was afraid of the bird.
The evening of the night my father died, my mother opened the front door, and the bird flew out. That's the phrase she used, when she talked about the night he died. The bird flew out.
Nix the reefer. Put that in your pipe and smoke it!
The evening of the night my father died, my mother opened the front door, and the bird flew out. That's the phrase she used, when she talked about the night he died. The bird flew out.
Nix the reefer. Put that in your pipe and smoke it!
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,042
Well I'm glad that's out You & I disagree about the threads, Rob -- I never have and never will look at any thread as "someone's" -- not this as yours, not DoaMC as Cow's. If we want to communicate personally as individuals, there are PMs and we can take it from there. A thread acts in a lot of ways, but each is public, and I think they all act appropriately to encourage those that need it to seek help.
I understand your feeling of offense, but it's very hard on a public internet post to just be there in fellowship for someone who's suffering -- even though probably that's the only right thing, to post one's presence.
On that note, I hope I haven't added any offense, & I hope that if I have, you'll tell me so. I'm present.
You & I disagree about the threads, Rob -- I never have and never will look at any thread as "someone's" -- not this as yours, not DoaMC as Cow's. If we want to communicate personally as individuals, there are PMs and we can take it from there. A thread acts in a lot of ways, but each is public, and I think they all act appropriately to encourage those that need it to seek help. I understand your feeling of offense, but it's very hard on a public internet post to just be there in fellowship for someone who's suffering -- even though probably that's the only right thing, to post one's presence.
On that note, I hope I haven't added any offense, & I hope that if I have, you'll tell me so. I'm present.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 283
Hey Robby!
You know I thought of you today when I was feeling really nauseous. Wait, it gets better. In my head, I was like I don't feel like reading anything or posting or even thinking than I thought of you. I don't know how in some of your hardest times you took time to post. But not just a simple post but write with provocative thought and even catering to each posters situations with great care and introspection. I know I've kind of said it before but now after feeling the way I do my respect goes even deeper.
All the power to you, Robot!
With love and respect,
Puffy
You know I thought of you today when I was feeling really nauseous. Wait, it gets better. In my head, I was like I don't feel like reading anything or posting or even thinking than I thought of you. I don't know how in some of your hardest times you took time to post. But not just a simple post but write with provocative thought and even catering to each posters situations with great care and introspection. I know I've kind of said it before but now after feeling the way I do my respect goes even deeper.
All the power to you, Robot!
With love and respect,
Puffy
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,332
Since I have already apologized once I won't do so again. But, I do think it's important for me to say that since I found myself drawn to your threads one day and have been checking in daily since, I didn't feel it was right for me to join in the conversations here. The group was well established and I didn't want to rock the boat.
I know you two have things well laid out. I simply was trying to reach out in a calm way and suggest that hospice be started. Sometimes when a person is in the grips of profound emotional stress they forget the practical. I know you two are smart and tough and independent but sometimes you need to let go of wheel and let someone else steer. Robby inevitably the time will come when you can't direct and control everything. When no matter how bad you don't want it Melissa will need to turn to professionals to take over. When she posted I thought that maybe that time had come.
You say you are a tough friend. That's fine. I get it. But, I know me. I don't need tough. I don't need to fight for acceptance or friendship. I wish you both peace. May you feel God's light and love with you everyday.
I know you two have things well laid out. I simply was trying to reach out in a calm way and suggest that hospice be started. Sometimes when a person is in the grips of profound emotional stress they forget the practical. I know you two are smart and tough and independent but sometimes you need to let go of wheel and let someone else steer. Robby inevitably the time will come when you can't direct and control everything. When no matter how bad you don't want it Melissa will need to turn to professionals to take over. When she posted I thought that maybe that time had come.
You say you are a tough friend. That's fine. I get it. But, I know me. I don't need tough. I don't need to fight for acceptance or friendship. I wish you both peace. May you feel God's light and love with you everyday.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Good morning all.
I just wanted to share something here today, I'm not sure if it will help either of you, but I'm starting to feel a real sense of grief about my own relationship with the man who really is the love of my life.
He's not dying, so I've been hesitant to share, but as Melissa spoke of her own anxieties, I could relate so well to them.
Alcoholism has got a grip on him. He is changing beyond all recognition, deteriorating, lying, manipulating and so very troubled. It's like I'm watching him disappearing before my very eyes. I want to scream, shout, hit him, cry...anything to stop it happening. But I cant. The guy who solemnly held my hand 3 years ago, and told me that our relationship came before anything else and who quit alongside me for 2 years 7 months seems to have faded. He is organising drinking weekends with his friends, coming home drunk from work, avoiding looking me in the eye and absolving himself from all his responsibilities as a husband, Father, partner and friend.
I feel like I'm grieving. Perhaps not on the same level as you Melissa, but it hurts so much. I love him and I miss him.
Contemplating a life without him in it seems unfathomable, but I know that if things continue the way they are there will be little choice left to make.
I'm sending you both a huge hug and love and light. Like AO, I believe totally that life doesn't end when our human bodies wear out. Love is eternal.
❤️❤️❤️ Xxx
I just wanted to share something here today, I'm not sure if it will help either of you, but I'm starting to feel a real sense of grief about my own relationship with the man who really is the love of my life.
He's not dying, so I've been hesitant to share, but as Melissa spoke of her own anxieties, I could relate so well to them.
Alcoholism has got a grip on him. He is changing beyond all recognition, deteriorating, lying, manipulating and so very troubled. It's like I'm watching him disappearing before my very eyes. I want to scream, shout, hit him, cry...anything to stop it happening. But I cant. The guy who solemnly held my hand 3 years ago, and told me that our relationship came before anything else and who quit alongside me for 2 years 7 months seems to have faded. He is organising drinking weekends with his friends, coming home drunk from work, avoiding looking me in the eye and absolving himself from all his responsibilities as a husband, Father, partner and friend.
I feel like I'm grieving. Perhaps not on the same level as you Melissa, but it hurts so much. I love him and I miss him.
Contemplating a life without him in it seems unfathomable, but I know that if things continue the way they are there will be little choice left to make.
I'm sending you both a huge hug and love and light. Like AO, I believe totally that life doesn't end when our human bodies wear out. Love is eternal.
❤️❤️❤️ Xxx
Adventures In SpaceTime
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Hello friends.
I don't have time this morning to have a discussion of my offended feelings, my understanding of what SR threads are and are not, and everything else in between.
Today Melissa and I are busy with my radiation treatment on my liver so as to ease the pain. Hopefully, it will work out well. I expect to have some serious nausea. I have been given additional meds to be taken today an hour before treatment starts, and thereafter.
I will say just because I'm offended or in disagreement with someone does not mean I'm not listening. It's fairly easy for folks to take chunks and pieces of what I'm dealing with, and in their own way make it out to be something requiring immediate attention.
I've been sober many years now. And cancer is just a new player in the game for me. I've also been a Christian for most of my life, and certainly for all of my sobriety, and so I let go of the wheel of my life many years ago. My trust in God is only strengthened when trouble and challenges are before me.
As for hospice care, I personally fought very hard to begin the hospice care that works for Melissa and I. In fact, it isn't until after August 4th that my hospice care can "officially" begin. So, I couldn't be any closer than I am already. As for talking with hospice, all those nurses caring for me 7 days a week back in May and June as they changed out my antibiotics for like 5 weeks have had hours of discussion with Melissa and I. Linda, whom we know well, is the key nurse in our hospice plan. Just sayin'
Well, that's enough for now. I do appreciate input, suggestions, ideas, and whatever else people think could help. What I really need though is to hear of others life experiences. This helps me best. I'm clearly able to ask for help, and this is the help I'm asking for. All the rest is interesting about people telling me my limits, and why should I get offended and so on and whatever.
You know, the post made by Jeni above is totally a great example of the help which works best for Melissa and myself. A profound sharing of experiences. (((Jeni))) You are in our thoughts and prayers too. Love and light sent back to you. Thanks for thinking of us Jeni. I wish I had words to say which would make a difference. Just know you are not alone.
(((Puffy)))
Later, people.
I don't have time this morning to have a discussion of my offended feelings, my understanding of what SR threads are and are not, and everything else in between.
Today Melissa and I are busy with my radiation treatment on my liver so as to ease the pain. Hopefully, it will work out well. I expect to have some serious nausea. I have been given additional meds to be taken today an hour before treatment starts, and thereafter.
I will say just because I'm offended or in disagreement with someone does not mean I'm not listening. It's fairly easy for folks to take chunks and pieces of what I'm dealing with, and in their own way make it out to be something requiring immediate attention.
I've been sober many years now. And cancer is just a new player in the game for me. I've also been a Christian for most of my life, and certainly for all of my sobriety, and so I let go of the wheel of my life many years ago. My trust in God is only strengthened when trouble and challenges are before me.
As for hospice care, I personally fought very hard to begin the hospice care that works for Melissa and I. In fact, it isn't until after August 4th that my hospice care can "officially" begin. So, I couldn't be any closer than I am already. As for talking with hospice, all those nurses caring for me 7 days a week back in May and June as they changed out my antibiotics for like 5 weeks have had hours of discussion with Melissa and I. Linda, whom we know well, is the key nurse in our hospice plan. Just sayin'
Well, that's enough for now. I do appreciate input, suggestions, ideas, and whatever else people think could help. What I really need though is to hear of others life experiences. This helps me best. I'm clearly able to ask for help, and this is the help I'm asking for. All the rest is interesting about people telling me my limits, and why should I get offended and so on and whatever.
You know, the post made by Jeni above is totally a great example of the help which works best for Melissa and myself. A profound sharing of experiences.
(((Jeni))) You are in our thoughts and prayers too. Love and light sent back to you. Thanks for thinking of us Jeni. I wish I had words to say which would make a difference. Just know you are not alone.(((Puffy)))
Later, people.
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