Newbie...posting
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Dfw, TX
Posts: 6
Newbie...posting
Hey there everybody...I just discovered this site today....yay!
Pulling off my cloak for the moment....as few know the real "me".... In fact no one does except....the real me :-/
Highly functional alcoholic for at least 7 years. Shakes and sweats at 3am....drink half bottle of wine.....pass out....up at 6am to start breakfast for kids....finish off bottle.....get kids to school and myself to work....MAKE sure I have a bottle with me.
Get to work and put on my show....always funny...nice...professional...and productive..,,while filling up my Togo cup during the day....always with a straw.....then....leave work at 5....stop by store....pick up another bottle to get me through the evening....
kids to hockey and cheerleading...all the while with my Togo cup.......and some backup ..... Then start all over at 3am again.
Yep....it's amazing I continue to live a quote normal life....but believe me...it has taken a toll on my body...my emotional state and my self confidence ....so...I find my confidence in my Togo cup....always.
My plan is to start a plan....and very happy to find this site.
Just need some inside buddies....who I can share with....as I push forward.
I've tried AA....but wasn't for me....also rehab....still not successful. I've learned to hide it extremely well.
I stopped telling those close to me I have a problem. All that has done is create doubt in their minds, disgust and distrust.
Not doing that again....it's my problem....and I will find a way out.
Unfortunately, the hard part is....my mind is willing to take the change...but my body has another opinion about quitting. Go figure...eh?
Thanks for letting me share :-)
Pulling off my cloak for the moment....as few know the real "me".... In fact no one does except....the real me :-/
Highly functional alcoholic for at least 7 years. Shakes and sweats at 3am....drink half bottle of wine.....pass out....up at 6am to start breakfast for kids....finish off bottle.....get kids to school and myself to work....MAKE sure I have a bottle with me.
Get to work and put on my show....always funny...nice...professional...and productive..,,while filling up my Togo cup during the day....always with a straw.....then....leave work at 5....stop by store....pick up another bottle to get me through the evening....
kids to hockey and cheerleading...all the while with my Togo cup.......and some backup ..... Then start all over at 3am again.
Yep....it's amazing I continue to live a quote normal life....but believe me...it has taken a toll on my body...my emotional state and my self confidence ....so...I find my confidence in my Togo cup....always.
My plan is to start a plan....and very happy to find this site.
Just need some inside buddies....who I can share with....as I push forward.
I've tried AA....but wasn't for me....also rehab....still not successful. I've learned to hide it extremely well.
I stopped telling those close to me I have a problem. All that has done is create doubt in their minds, disgust and distrust.
Not doing that again....it's my problem....and I will find a way out.
Unfortunately, the hard part is....my mind is willing to take the change...but my body has another opinion about quitting. Go figure...eh?
Thanks for letting me share :-)
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
If you are driving your kids around to various places while drinking you need to stop. This is unacceptable and you are not entitled to put them at risk. One slip, maybe it's someone else's "fault" but if you have an accident under the influence your high functioning days will be over..........
Was your rehab IP or OP? You may need something more intensive if your constantly putting others and yourself at risk driving while drinking.
Keep coming back.....
Was your rehab IP or OP? You may need something more intensive if your constantly putting others and yourself at risk driving while drinking.
Keep coming back.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Dfw, TX
Posts: 6
Thank you Flynby for your comments.
If I had a dime every time someone told me about drinking and driving with the kids....I would be extremely rich.
I appreciate what you are saying....truly I do.
About rehab. I went in for 2 weeks. In patient.
I had no insurance at the time....and my good friend loaned me the $3,000 for treatment. I'm sorry to say....the program did not work for me.
Everyone always recommends rehab....but if you have not job and no insurance....its near impossible to find a good treatment center that will accept you. My problem was....once I was released....I was still broke...without a job....and $3,000 more in debt. Not a good scenario to stay off the booze.
Your comment of "you need to stop"....well yes....I get that...I DO need to stop. That is why I am here....to find the encouragement and positive feedback....of which I find more effective for my personality.
Sometimes it boils down to...."do I want to have a panic attack and hyperventilate while driving the kids"?....or....."just grab your togo so you can keep your nerves down". My sober self says have a panic attack....but it never does win.
If I had a dime every time someone told me about drinking and driving with the kids....I would be extremely rich.
I appreciate what you are saying....truly I do.
About rehab. I went in for 2 weeks. In patient.
I had no insurance at the time....and my good friend loaned me the $3,000 for treatment. I'm sorry to say....the program did not work for me.
Everyone always recommends rehab....but if you have not job and no insurance....its near impossible to find a good treatment center that will accept you. My problem was....once I was released....I was still broke...without a job....and $3,000 more in debt. Not a good scenario to stay off the booze.
Your comment of "you need to stop"....well yes....I get that...I DO need to stop. That is why I am here....to find the encouragement and positive feedback....of which I find more effective for my personality.
Sometimes it boils down to...."do I want to have a panic attack and hyperventilate while driving the kids"?....or....."just grab your togo so you can keep your nerves down". My sober self says have a panic attack....but it never does win.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Dfw, TX
Posts: 6
yes, I did seek medical treatment and prescribed an anxiety pill - I believe it was zanax. It practically made me feel like I was living outside my body after about the 3rd day. My eyes were so dilated and I was in the ozone. I tossed the bottle.
I've never been much of a pill taker.
Drinker...yes....pill taker...no.
Again, I had no insurance at the time and was scrambling for funds. I could not afford to continue to see the doctor until the "dosage" was fixed.
Moving forward now....I have a good job and decent insurance (crazy...I interviewed with a buzz....and continue to work everyday with a buzz, but want to stop this behavior)
I prefer to try and kick this without further medicating myself.
I found this site because I googled "weaning self from alcohol". The posts that I read were very helpful.
I've never been much of a pill taker.
Drinker...yes....pill taker...no.
Again, I had no insurance at the time and was scrambling for funds. I could not afford to continue to see the doctor until the "dosage" was fixed.
Moving forward now....I have a good job and decent insurance (crazy...I interviewed with a buzz....and continue to work everyday with a buzz, but want to stop this behavior)
I prefer to try and kick this without further medicating myself.
I found this site because I googled "weaning self from alcohol". The posts that I read were very helpful.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Gainesville Fl
Posts: 21
Recovering from severe addiction is no cake walk. It's tough.
It can be done if you are willing to go through with what it takes.
Not sure what you are looking for with respect to help and you may want to consider that you don't either. That's not a knock just an observation.
If we contemplate the above for a moment then it may be time to stop saying this or that doesn't work and get down to what it takes to stay sober.
One thing is for certain though, I have never seen a person stay sober and drink at the same time.
And one last thing to keep in mind is your addiction will provide you with ample excuses why any and everything which has to do with getting sober won't work. That's the nature of it. It's the great liar which whispers in our ear. I had to stop listening to that voice and start listening to the voice(s) of recovery.
I hope you find that path.
It can be done if you are willing to go through with what it takes.
Not sure what you are looking for with respect to help and you may want to consider that you don't either. That's not a knock just an observation.
If we contemplate the above for a moment then it may be time to stop saying this or that doesn't work and get down to what it takes to stay sober.
One thing is for certain though, I have never seen a person stay sober and drink at the same time.
And one last thing to keep in mind is your addiction will provide you with ample excuses why any and everything which has to do with getting sober won't work. That's the nature of it. It's the great liar which whispers in our ear. I had to stop listening to that voice and start listening to the voice(s) of recovery.
I hope you find that path.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Strawsipper,
welcome.
planning to start a plan....okay. that's about as tentative as can be
but never mind; a step closer to making one than not planning to start planning a plan.
one thing i found is that it's not a program that works or doesn't work, or a rehab: it's me that makes it work. or not.
welcome.
planning to start a plan....okay. that's about as tentative as can be
but never mind; a step closer to making one than not planning to start planning a plan.
one thing i found is that it's not a program that works or doesn't work, or a rehab: it's me that makes it work. or not.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Dfw, TX
Posts: 6
Thanks to all for your encouraging words and direct opinions.
I profoundly hear what you're saying:
* The voice that whispers and encourages me to drink
* It's all up to me and nobody else
* Do what it takes to get sober
* Am I sure I really want help at this point
I have desperately wanted to STOP for years now. Life has thrown many curve balls which has made it difficult. When your being taken in by the sand pit....and no one throws you a rope (that is long and strong enough), it is near impossible to climb out yourself.
NOW....at this point, I've had some very positive things happen, which has given me more motivation and also a break so that I can focus on improvement and not failure.
Part of what makes being a human so interesting is that we are all so very different.
I don't expect folks to understand my thought process because their challenges have been different than mine. Nor..will I understand completely their thought process for the same reason.
That doesn't mean I won't take advice from them. That doesn't mean I won't pull out from their comments the bits and pieces that will help me. I respect all of what any recovered addict has to say. It holds much clout.
Today is a good day....and I will make it better by not drinking.
Tomorrow is another day....and I look forward to being sober through it.
Their is no doubt I have angels watching over me. If I didn't, I would have been dead a long time ago
I profoundly hear what you're saying:
* The voice that whispers and encourages me to drink
* It's all up to me and nobody else
* Do what it takes to get sober
* Am I sure I really want help at this point
I have desperately wanted to STOP for years now. Life has thrown many curve balls which has made it difficult. When your being taken in by the sand pit....and no one throws you a rope (that is long and strong enough), it is near impossible to climb out yourself.
NOW....at this point, I've had some very positive things happen, which has given me more motivation and also a break so that I can focus on improvement and not failure.
Part of what makes being a human so interesting is that we are all so very different.
I don't expect folks to understand my thought process because their challenges have been different than mine. Nor..will I understand completely their thought process for the same reason.
That doesn't mean I won't take advice from them. That doesn't mean I won't pull out from their comments the bits and pieces that will help me. I respect all of what any recovered addict has to say. It holds much clout.
Today is a good day....and I will make it better by not drinking.
Tomorrow is another day....and I look forward to being sober through it.
Their is no doubt I have angels watching over me. If I didn't, I would have been dead a long time ago
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
"Everyone is different." Terminally unique is what AA calls it. I've heard it called other things, but it's basically the ego saying, "You know what? Don't listen to them. I'm special. No one can understand the things I know."
My ego backed me into a corner.
I wasn't different.
I was a garden variety drunk.
I needed the same things every drunk needs.
Full, 100% abstinence - no matter what happens - forever. The good part is that after the first week or so of crazy anxiety, I began to mend.
Welcome to the site. Go to bed sober tonight, be happy tomorrow.
My ego backed me into a corner.
I wasn't different.
I was a garden variety drunk.
I needed the same things every drunk needs.
Full, 100% abstinence - no matter what happens - forever. The good part is that after the first week or so of crazy anxiety, I began to mend.
Welcome to the site.
Go to bed sober tonight, be happy tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
This is just an observation but what I see missing right now is consequences. You have not suffered any, or very few. Therefore, no real strong motivation to change your current routine, other than you "want" to. Be patient, those consequences will come (not trying to sound like a jerk, but its true).
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Originally Posted by biminiblue 
"You know what? Don't listen to them. I'm special. No one can understand the things I know."
My ego backed me into a corner.
I wasn't different.
I was a garden variety drunk.
I needed the same things every drunk needs.
Full, 100% abstinence - no matter what happens - forever. The good part is that after the first week or so of crazy anxiety, I began to mend.
Welcome to the site. Go to bed sober tonight, be happy tomorrow.
My ego backed me into a corner.
I wasn't different.
I was a garden variety drunk.
I needed the same things every drunk needs.
Full, 100% abstinence - no matter what happens - forever. The good part is that after the first week or so of crazy anxiety, I began to mend.
Welcome to the site.
Go to bed sober tonight, be happy tomorrow.Something kept bringing me back until I finally did what all the sober people on here did.
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