countrygirl2014

I came home from work last night to find my little girl in her clothes on her bed crying, 2 hours past her bedtime. She had to put herself to bed again last night due to my drunk sig. other. I found him passed out on the toilet. I comforted her, put her to bed properly, woke him up and and I played a game with him and politely asked about his day. There is no use talking to him when he is in that condition. I have yet to sleep. This morning I hesitantly explained that his behavior is irresponsible. So he can't use my not drinking as an excuse I explained last year at this time I worked twice as much and this crap didn't happen. I told him how bad he is hurting my daughter and I have to keep her safe, secure and feeling loved. I told him if it happens again, it will not be pretty, and I will be making other arrangements. He is not happy. He thinks I am controlling him, abusing him, and threatening him....I saw that coming. So he is walking around all kinds of pissed off. I'm nervous, my stomach hurts...I don't care. This situation is way too stressful for me anymore. And I'm sure my daughter.

Jennifer

countrygirl2014

I'm going to reply to my own post. I am so angry I don't know how to deal with it. I want to puke, poop, scream and cry all at the same time. How can he do this to a little girl. This is the same man who prayed for a family of his own his whole life. He got one, promised us the world, started to give it to us and now he just doesn't care. I know it isn't our fault. It's so damn frustrating. I hate him for this. Hate.

Jennifer

JaneLane

Hi,

I'm really sorry to hear what's happened and I'm SO glad that your daughter has you to depend on. I grew up with an alcoholic parent and it was very scary.

I'm an alcoholic addict in recovery myself, and I don't know what else to say apart from the decision to look out for yourself and your child is a positive thing.

Hawkeye13

I'm glad you've made the decision to act Jen

He really does seem to be going downhill.

I'm sorry you and your daughter are hurting so much and sending you peace.

countrygirl2014

Oh Hawkeye, u are one of the members who has read most of my posts and has seen the steady decline of this man. My problem-I don't trust my own decision making. I'm concerned that because I quit drinking in hypersensitive to his drinking. My solid pieces of evidence are he shouldn't be driving her around while intoxicated ( which doesn't happen anymore) and she shouldn't have to put herself to bed. His excuse is he is tired. No one is that tired. Besides...I have to place a pillow between us to block the nauseating smell of stale beer coming off his breath. Jeeez I'm in such turmoil today.

Jennifer

Hawkeye13

I think, quite honestly Jen, you should go ahead and assume he isn't going to quit but will just get worse.

I know this means a difficult situation with your animals, etc. but what if something happens while he is drinking with your daughter?
While he was "sleeping" in the bathroom (I've done that myself but never because I was tired) she had no adult supervision and could have hurt herself.

I know you've thought that many times already today,
but that alone should tell you you are very correct to trust your judgement / instinct about this situation.

I would start looking for living arrangements next week--it's scary, I get that,
and there doesn't seem to be a way, but you've been reading on the list
long enough to know that when the drunk hits "critical mass" on the downward spiral it can accelerate really really quickly and you may have to leave suddenly.

Get the jump on things as much as you can.
Don't assume that he will always be non-violent or not acting on his anger.
I really started to get angry and aggressive towards the end of my drinking
although I had not been prior to that--I'm glad there was no child around me
at that time because it would have been very upsetting.

You can do this.

sugarbear1

hugs and love to you

I wouldn't wait for another incident, like Hawkeye said, she could get injured and not have help. You need a responsible person taking care of her now.

Trust yourself. Try to meditate on this and maybe ask the universe for direction as to what to do. You can do this today because you are sober!

tomsteve

Very very tough and trying times for ya. One thing I read and can relate to is hate.i had a thread a while ago about my good friend,thom, that went back the the old lifestyle, started drinking and drugging, and eventually committed suicide. I was so angry at him and after his funeral, seeing the pain his son was experiencing, hated thom for what he did. The one thing I was told and had to keep telling myself-
hate the disease and not the person. Thom was a good man under the control of addiction and alcoholism.
I got into a relationship with a chronic relapser. It was quite insane and nothing but drama and chaos. I never knew what was going to happen every single day- what I was going to be blamed for and all that insanity. Me,with my self esteem not quite up higher than it is now started believing it when I'd be accused of being the one who caused HER problems. And fear kept me in that relationship wwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy
Too long.
Then I stood up for myself and booted her out. It was quite weird that first morning with her out of my house. Woke up, got me a soda, went out on the deck and was thinking," what's it gonna be today."
Took me a bit to realize.....nothing!!!!! Well, only to a point. There wasn't any of her insanity. Now it was all just my own!!!LOLOLOLOL
THEN the anger really hit!!! I was seeing all the sh*t that happened in out time together. And ya know, it was my friend,, that was on the reviving end of hearing me. I know today through it all he was telling me the solution but I wasn't hearing it I was so angry. But ya know,CG, through allllll that, I learned some very good lessons, the greatest being letting fear control my actions isn't a good solution.
I'm here today. Still sober. Happy, joyous, and free. And I'm positive you WILL make it through and be there,too and two reasons:
You've gotten courage and got into action and didn't let fear control ya already and the results have been good.
Once again, I don't read ya saying anything about wanting a drink!

Trudge the road of happy destiny.
What an order!!! But it works!!!

And good on ya for seeing this and having the concern for your daughter!

tomsteve

p.s.
Please tell your BF this ex drunk used the too tired excuse quite often and it was nothing but a lie.

JensDestiny

I don't know the entirety of your situation but it sounds pretty dire. I am sorry that you are having to deal with this. I know all about love hun, I tend to wrap my heart in everything, but you and your daughter deserve better than this BS. I hope that you can find your way out of that as soon as possible and can move forward with your life in peace.

GroundhogDay

You need to get out of there. His reaction is telling. He has no right to complain that you are controlling. He has no business getting angry.

CodeJob

Make decisions based on the health and safety of your daughter and you won't go wrong. Take care.

ScottFromWI

You are absolutely in the right to take action to protect you and your daughter. Alcoholism is a very selfish affliction, and when it comes to then point of it endangering the well being of a child something has to change. I wish you strength to stand firm and do what it takes to protect your family.

Venecia

Jen, I cannot add much to the wisdom of what others have said. Remember, though, that an ultimatum requires the resolve to carry it out.

Don't be surprised if he is on his best behavior for the next few days, after his anger subsides. Maybe he even believes that, in doing so, he is demonstrating he can be a better guy. Don't expect it to last. After all, as you wrote, he once promised you the world.

The world he delivered? He's already endangered your daughter; you note that he has driven drunk with her in the car. The neglect last evening could have had a tragic outcome. It's already taking an emotional toll on your daughter, as well as on you.

Begin your plan to end this now. I haven't gotten the impression that domestic violence is involved here, but it remains an unsafe situation for you and your daughter in other ways. I found this list of tips on how work out a plan to leave a DV situation -- it has good tips for anyone who is in a bad place:

http://healthfinder.gov/HealthTopics...e#the-basics_2

You've been doing some really great work on your own life in the last year. You're sober. You're working on your education. Your emotional life is stabilizing.

You're building the foundations. Now you need to begin planning for a future without this individual. It may be hard but it will be a better future, one that you and your daughter deserve.

silentrun

Hugs Jennifer. It took me along time to trust myself again after how twisted up I became at the end. If you want some feedback it looks to me like your instinct are dead on right. You can only deal with the situation as it presently is.

huntingtontx

I live with an alcoholic who has no desire to quit. It is just me and my animals. If I had children I would be looking for a place to go. That changes everything. That sweet little girl of yours needs to be protected. I hope you really mean what you told him. I know it is hard to leave someone you love, but protecting your child is number one. I will keep you and your baby in my prayers. Stay strong.

maia1234

Jennifer,
I am so sorry for your pain. I know that you posted on the A forum, but you might try and repost on Friends and Family. They might have a little more insight to what you are dealing with and there is a wealth of support there.

First off, not sure why you would give him another chance. He is an A and that is what A's do, they drink. You need to take care of LCG (little country girl) at all costs. He is not responsible at all so don't expect him to be and don't give him any more chances.

We all love our A's but sometime we need take care of ourselves. Make plans to NEVER leave him alone with her, as he might drive drunk with her or burn the house down. Believe in your instincts because that is the only thing you can believe in.

I would highly recommend you hitting an alanon meeting. They are so supportive of what you are living with. Read and educate yourself as there is nothing you can do to get him to stop drinking. Give him to God, and hopefully he will take care of him.

Your job is to take care of you and LCG. Peace my friend!!

brightone652

Hello Jennifer.
You said, "I will be making other arrangements."
sounds hopeful for not only you, but your very impressionable young daughter.
Well wishes as you find your course.

ArtFriend

I am just going to add that someone might notice what is happening there and call the authorities and you could face losing your child. That happened with my brother. Just a caution. Best of luck!

Dee74

I think you're making the right decision Jen - for you and for your daughter.

D