Soberintexas007

Unless it could be argued that a psychiatric ward stay would be in my best interest to interrupt the craziness, right?

Soberintexas007

OMG, this was a lot to read and take in! I cannot do it. I will heed Scott's advice and talk to you all tomorrow. Thank you all for your continued support. I never asked to be in this predicament!

Dee74

I think bed is a great idea. I also think if you feel you need psychiatric help that's a good thing to follow up on tomorrow.

D

Dee74

That's very unusual. I have some transgender friends. They all had counselling/ therapy beforehand (and after)...in fact it was mandatory if there were surgical procedures.

It might be something else to bring up with a therapist.

D

redatlanta

I would be happy if you had one day.

I have 8 transgender clients M2F I have been with some for as long as 9 years. I have been fortunate to be part of their lives.

I promise you alcohol will not solve your problems, and the pain can be lifted as soon as YOU allow it to be. I'm not dismissing your "pain"; however, it sounds like you are using it as a reason to get tanked.

I too am surprised you did not get psychological evaluation and counseling before surgery all my clients were required to.

sleepie

Same here... my transgendered acquaintances over the years were all required to have counseling and it was no small process.

fini

i wrote that very question into my journal years ago.

then i changed it to: what will i be like as a sober woman?

a few weeks later i stopped drinking for good.

no use talking about how sad what you're doing is.

stop doing it.

fini

interestingly, the weekly meeting i attend is named QT.
tons of transgender folk.
sober transgender folk.
dealing soberly with their pain, their confusions, their families' not-understandings and non-acceptances all around.

it's doable, Soberintexas, no matter what else.

CupofJoe

Hi there.

You know, what I think one of the most difficult things about alcoholism is? It will take ANY issue and turn it into the "reason" why you're an alcoholic.

But if you look around, we alcoholics come from every walk of life. And plenty of people who share similar circumstances AREN'T alcoholics.

I can't imagine how difficult it must have been to not feel right with your gender. But plenty of transgendered people aren't alcoholics.

I have my own issues, but my siblings--3 of them--who share many similarities are all non-alcoholics. I'm the only one in my immediate family.

You can pick any issue that someone says is the "reason" why they drink and you can find more people who are not only not alcoholics but don't drink at all, or barely.

Sure, there are issues we need to face, but those issues aren't to blame. If anything, it's sometimes our own difficulty in dealing with our issues that keep us heading back to the bottle.

I know that until I made a commitment that I would do whatever it takes--whatever it takes no matter what--to stay sober, I kept ending up drunk.

I had to face down a lot of fears, disappointments, shame, resentments, etc etc etc eventually (not all at once and I'm certainly far from perfect), but being honest and realizing that there was absolutely no good reason to drink, there was nothing that could make me drink, there was no one who could make me drink, and there was never any real excuse or trigger to drink, that realization was HUGE.

The only problem was me and how I dealt with me.

Until I was willing to face that, I kept ending up back in the bottom of a bottle of vodka.

So many people want to support and help you. And we will.

But you have to be the one to look in the mirror.

Give it time. Be honest. Get therapy, go to AA, do whatever it takes and you'll get there.

How will you look as a sober woman? Fabulous. But give it a chance.

Pulling for you and sending you all of my good thoughts.

I know you can do this.

Soberintexas007

Just another thing to add to my list of things to talk about, LOL! We already go beyond the 1 hour session time!

Soberintexas007

Some can make the argument that changing genders is a medical problem and not a psychological one. My biggest problem right now is that I prefer being drunk rather than being sober.

ScottFromWI

Then perhaps you should concentrate your efforts on that problem.

Soberintexas007

Well, we can't go back in time now. What is done is done. But I do not have any regrets. I hated being a male. I just regret not doing it sooner. Rather than playing soccer in high school, I would rather have been a cheerleader...and I would have been a good one!!! LOL!

Soberintexas007

Feeling a bit better. I think I did not feel too well today because I had a lot to drink on Memorial Day. Even though I did drink today, it was not nearly as much on Monday, and so I should feel better tomorrow.

"Alcohol is the foe."

Soberintexas007

What happens is that when we drink, we begin to enjoy how we feel when inebriated. Soon, we don't like ourselves sober because we would prefer to be drunk. But then the consequences build up when we are drinking, and we soon realize that we have to get sober to function.

Soberintexas007

Just wanted to check in. Was just outside on my balcony looking at the stars, and I thought how amazing that is. I just want to be happy.

Soberintexas007

I grew up as the perfect child. I always got straight A's and played sports like my parents wanted. I always sought their approval and was very good at getting it. My mother always wanted me to be an attorney because I was good at persuading people. I ended up getting a degree in psychology because I was always wondering what was wrong with me. I always thought I had a bad case of Body Dysmorphic Disorder, when in reality it was Gender Dysphoria I was dealing with. Finally I underwent my gender transition, and I feel better about myself today.

Anyways, life is complicated. Sometimes I am on here sober, sometimes drunk. And then we have my eating disorder. That is another thread I guess. I have helped other people with their problems, but I eventually got tired of it. I think deep down I am an artist, a writer. Maybe one day I will write a book letting the world know how I think and feel, or maybe a movie. I just want to break loose. I am tired of feeling held captive.

MelindaFlowers

Good call. Moderation didn't work for me either but I did try and make it work time after time.

That right there caused a lot of stress and shame, the trying and failing.

Abstinence is something we can be successful at.

thisisme

You cannot moderate poison.
I found my issues(who cares what they are) much easier to deal with sober.

Best to you.

sleepie

007, all those things you mentioned having an interest in, why don't you go ahead and pursue them?