Newatthis34

Hello all. It's been a while since I've posted but I do still read here a lot. Don't want to go into my own struggles right now, suffice to say I've far from conquered my alcohol problem. I only wanted to share some words that have really resonated with me and have helped me understand the contradiction that is addiction. Maybe it will do the same from others. It's from Gabor Mate's wonderful book 'In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts'. He says;
"Addictions, even as they resemble normal human yearnings, are more about desire than attainment. In the addicted mode, the emotional charge is in the pursuit and the acquisition of the desired object, not in the possession and enjoyment of it. The greatest pleasure is in the momentary satisfaction of yearning. The fundamental addiction is to the fleeting experience of not being addicted. The addict craves the absence of the craving state."

doggonecarl

...absence of craving? Like what sobriety based on a solid program of recovery provides?

I hope you find that that solution, sobriety, is worth pursuing. It lasts so much longer than the brief respite of drinking.

Newatthis34

Yes Carl. Not too sure what it is you have an issue with in the above quote however, or maybe I'm imagining it.

doggonecarl

You say you still struggle with alcohol, so I guess I wonder how understanding "the contradiction that is addiction" is helping you.

Mountainmanbob

Interesting thread
but
all I know for sure is not to drink today.

I don't get too deep into the why did I drink for there were many reasons I think. I just know for sure that it never worked out well for me. 7 years of sobriety has proven to me that this is the best way in which to live.

Mountainman

Newatthis34

I disagree with you Carl on that one. Anything that exposes the fallacy of thinking that perpetuates drinking cannot be anything but helpful in my view.

I say my struggles are not over but somehow detect that in your view of things a solid program of recovery (by which I'm guessing you mean AA?), without any personal reflection on the problem, is all that's needed. Surely you have spent long enough on these boards to have learnt that people have different approaches to addiction...??? Anyways, not here to debate, just wanted to share words that I personally have found helpful.

Newatthis34

Thanks Mountainman, yes, of course that's the solution for everyone, no matter what way you view it. Just interested in the way in which the mind works to get us to do something that we know logically to be against our best interests.

ScottFromWI

It's the age old conundrum...trying to understand WHY we are alcoholics. It's certainly a very intriguing and interesting question.

I chased it for years and years, but for me the solution for the present was to just accept that it IS. I AM an alcoholic...but there is no logical/scientific/medical reason why. I simply AM that way. Once I accepted that, I was able to work on practical ways to stop drinking completely and live my life without alcohol.

PurpleKnight

Welcome back Newatthis!!

Mountainmanbob

It also says on page xxviii that, "all the different classifications of alcoholics have ONE symptom in common: they CANNOT start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving

fini

newatthis,
so good to see you're still around and popping back in

the only way, in my drinking days, to get to the state of absence of craving was to drink.
i've read Mate's book a few years ago, and lots in there fit for me. plus, i live in Vancouver, which is where his practice and book are based.

in my sobriety, though, i don't have anything resembling craving. i experience a trigger once in a while and have a reaction. that is the most accurate word for me. a reaction. not even an urge.

i do remember, though, that just buying the stuff was enough to quell desire until later, when i got home, and the time arrived to actually drink.

Newatthis34

Sure Scott, I'm not saying that understanding the Why should supplant the Not drinking. But I find it helpful to analyse the nature of the phenomenon all the same, as in, the age-old lie that the DOC offers something we really want. The urge to get that bottle of wine, telling yourself it will be fine once you have it, you'll feel good, happy, etc. Then once you start drinking it you still feel empty and unhappy. I seem to remember in RR that same idea is explored, basically all the thrill is in the lead up to drinking, not the drinking itself.

Newatthis34

Hey fini!! Great to hear from you, you have given me lots of food for thought in past conversations! I look forward to the day when I too will not experience cravings. Yes, Mate is a really compassionate man, his take on addiction is so interesting to me.