What can I do about being always around a stessful personality?
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Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 136
What can I do about being always around a stessful personality?
I'm a college student, and the semester is about to end. I have no money (but I sure owe a lot of money), and so when I leave in a week I have no where to go except back home.
I'll keep this simple; I have ridiculous daddy issues. I can't even be around my father without going into extreme stress, and no amount of trying to meditate and redeem my extreme feelings has ever worked. The only way I can even be within his proximity without stressing like crazy is through drinking.
But I have nowhere else to go. Nowhere. And my father, who has in his later years become a daily drinker, and always keeps beer in the house and offers me some (even though I told him to stop doing that when I quit for a few months last year), is always around. He hasn't worked since before I was born, and he leads a very strange and introverted life and never leaves the house.
I just don't know what to do. I get absolutely crazy with rage and stress by simply being around my father. And my house is in this ugly place where the only place for me to escape is the trails in the woods--- except there's a liquor store directly along the way, and when I'm so heated up I don't even think and immediately turn to booze.
Is there anything I can do to help myself? I'll say it now though; my feelings toward my father are not changing. I can't explain even to a minimal degree what it's like and why; the whole thing is simply madness, but that's what it is. I really hate him, and that's that; it's not changing. But what can I do to keep myself from drinking?
I'll keep this simple; I have ridiculous daddy issues. I can't even be around my father without going into extreme stress, and no amount of trying to meditate and redeem my extreme feelings has ever worked. The only way I can even be within his proximity without stressing like crazy is through drinking.
But I have nowhere else to go. Nowhere. And my father, who has in his later years become a daily drinker, and always keeps beer in the house and offers me some (even though I told him to stop doing that when I quit for a few months last year), is always around. He hasn't worked since before I was born, and he leads a very strange and introverted life and never leaves the house.
I just don't know what to do. I get absolutely crazy with rage and stress by simply being around my father. And my house is in this ugly place where the only place for me to escape is the trails in the woods--- except there's a liquor store directly along the way, and when I'm so heated up I don't even think and immediately turn to booze.
Is there anything I can do to help myself? I'll say it now though; my feelings toward my father are not changing. I can't explain even to a minimal degree what it's like and why; the whole thing is simply madness, but that's what it is. I really hate him, and that's that; it's not changing. But what can I do to keep myself from drinking?
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
If you are in the US the weather is starting to get really nice and you mentioned the woods.
What about going camping during Spring Break? Turn being broke into a fun adventure instead of a trial to be endured.
Another big plus is that since you meditate, you could turn it into a mini retreat/back to nature thing and it could be really soothing to your soul and good for your recovery too.
What about going camping during Spring Break? Turn being broke into a fun adventure instead of a trial to be endured.
Another big plus is that since you meditate, you could turn it into a mini retreat/back to nature thing and it could be really soothing to your soul and good for your recovery too.
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Join Date: May 2015
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Originally Posted by Dee74 
is going home really your only option? where are you living now?
D
D
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Join Date: May 2015
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Originally Posted by Carlotta
If you are in the US the weather is starting to get really nice and you mentioned the woods.
What about going camping during Spring Break? Turn being broke into a fun adventure instead of a trial to be endured.
Another big plus is that since you meditate, you could turn it into a mini retreat/back to nature thing and it could be really soothing to your soul and good for your recovery too.
What about going camping during Spring Break? Turn being broke into a fun adventure instead of a trial to be endured.
Another big plus is that since you meditate, you could turn it into a mini retreat/back to nature thing and it could be really soothing to your soul and good for your recovery too.
And I like the idea of camping--- except I have absolutely zero survival skills :P I don't think I could last three days out in the wild, let alone four months!
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Will you be working this summer? How about coming up with a good routine to focus on. For example, wake up, brush teeth, 4-mile run, shower, eat, bike to work, work, bike home from work, eat, read, sleep 8-10 hours. Focus on some goals to keep yourself positively occupied. Do you have a good therapist in your home town?
Summer camp counselor jobs? Relatives? Often subletting a student's apartment for the summer does not require a deposit. Maybe stop by the student resource center this week and ask someone about summer options on campus or something?
Landscaping jobs will keep you occupied from dawn until dusk. How about calling some companies. Or working in a lab? Campus library? Search for something really interesting.
Summer school?
Summer camp counselor jobs? Relatives? Often subletting a student's apartment for the summer does not require a deposit. Maybe stop by the student resource center this week and ask someone about summer options on campus or something?
Landscaping jobs will keep you occupied from dawn until dusk. How about calling some companies. Or working in a lab? Campus library? Search for something really interesting.
Summer school?
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Location: Australia
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If home is your only choice I'd start with this statement QT.
This is not true.
You have a little time to think out likely scenarios and how you might handle them without drinking.
It may not be the best four months ever, but you can do it - aim to be out of the house as much as you can - get a summer job?
D
The only way I can even be within his proximity without stressing like crazy is through drinking.
You have a little time to think out likely scenarios and how you might handle them without drinking.
It may not be the best four months ever, but you can do it - aim to be out of the house as much as you can - get a summer job?
D
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Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 136
Originally Posted by Carlotta
I lived two years in a tent (winters too) but I agree, it's not for everyone LOL
No older relatives who could benefit from having someone doing things around the house?
No older relatives who could benefit from having someone doing things around the house?
And unfortunately no. Very few relatives anyway, and I haven't talked to any of them in years. My side of the family is rather estranged from everyone else.
Originally Posted by Verte
Will you be working this summer? How about coming up with a good routine to focus on. For example, wake up, brush teeth, 4-mile run, shower, eat, bike to work, work, bike home from work, eat, read, sleep 8-10 hours. Focus on some goals to keep yourself positively occupied. Do you have a good therapist in your home town?
Summer camp counselor jobs? Relatives? Often subletting a student's apartment for the summer does not require a deposit. Maybe stop by the student resource center this week and ask someone about summer options on campus or something?
Summer camp counselor jobs? Relatives? Often subletting a student's apartment for the summer does not require a deposit. Maybe stop by the student resource center this week and ask someone about summer options on campus or something?
And I do have a goal this summer. In fact it's a necessity I hit it for me to graduate on time. I absolutely have to teach myself intermediate Spanish by next January, and so this Summer is more or less Do-or-Die with that. I was already thinking that my mantra for this Summer would involve reminding myself of learning Spanish every time I get a craving or hit with a trigger..
I'll really keep that goal on the forefront.
And student housing/classes isn't an option. It's not covered by Financial Aid, and I couldn't get a loan for this as the only credit I have is bad credit.
I'm somewhat averse to going to therapy for my daddy issues... But I am am willing to start going to AA meetings when I go back this Summer. I'm really hoping they can cement my resolve even with the stressful home life.
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Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 136
Originally Posted by Dee74
If home is your only choice I'd start with this statement QT.
This is not true.
You have a little time to think out likely scenarios and how you might handle them without drinking.
It may not be the best four months ever, but you can do it - aim to be out of the house as much as you can - get a summer job?
D
This is not true.
You have a little time to think out likely scenarios and how you might handle them without drinking.
It may not be the best four months ever, but you can do it - aim to be out of the house as much as you can - get a summer job?
D
There's always another way. And like you said, it might not be the best four months, but that doesn't mean I have to drink them.
Which is making me remember the most important thing here, and that slipped my mind just because even typing about my father bothers me---
Drinking makes things worse. I know this; I've been telling myself this every day now. Drinking might make me believe I handled a day with my father well, but ultimately it is, always, more destructive than otherwise (not that there even is an otherwise!).
Gotta keep reminding myself of this, especially when I go home.
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Hey QuietToday,
When I was first in College I thought that I was the only one who had issues and by the time I left I realized that everyone has issues. Another thing that I learned is that therapists can offer excellent insight in how to navigate stressful situations and times so you can live your life well. You do not have to talk about your Dad at all or 'Daddy Issues' but it might be useful to talk about how you respond and react to being around him or people who behave similarly. This I suggest from personal experience. Also, I discovered one particular summer that my favorite time to bike is around 4:30am - the cool summer morning air, roads to yourself without traffic. A lot of good thinking happens.
Do not forget that you have SR all day and night!
When I was first in College I thought that I was the only one who had issues and by the time I left I realized that everyone has issues. Another thing that I learned is that therapists can offer excellent insight in how to navigate stressful situations and times so you can live your life well. You do not have to talk about your Dad at all or 'Daddy Issues' but it might be useful to talk about how you respond and react to being around him or people who behave similarly. This I suggest from personal experience. Also, I discovered one particular summer that my favorite time to bike is around 4:30am - the cool summer morning air, roads to yourself without traffic. A lot of good thinking happens.
Do not forget that you have SR all day and night!
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
But I am am willing to start going to AA meetings when I go back this Summer. I'm really hoping they can cement my resolve even with the stressful home life.
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