Dee74

Great post rivelino - keep it up

D

Rivelino

Had a lot of internal rage last night with my head being in civil war, the sober v the drinking factions. I was caught living further than today and I was not accepting that my life is better without alcohol.

The old defiance was back, which is a massive danger signal for me.

Thankfully this subsided and I was able to gain some perspective and understanding.

Day 1 for the 7th day in a row today and will try to live mindfully, in the present and not beyond this beautiful day.

MelindaFlowers

I like that. You will actually get used to not drinking. After some time, not drinking becomes the default behavior. We may still think about it from time to time but it feels natural to not drink.

Ten months ago I wouldn't have believed a word of that but here I am and it happens. It used to be that I didn't even know what a day would look, feel, or sound like without alcohol. You will get there too. The first seven days are the hardest. Great work.

Rivelino

Ten months ago I wouldn't have believed a word of that but here I am and it happens. It used to be that I didn't even know what a day would look, feel, or sound like without alcohol. You will get there too. The first seven days are the hardest. Great work.[/QUOTE]

That is a very inspirational and motivational message Melinda, thanks for your wise words

bookmaven

I used the ODAAT (or hour or minute) probably for at least the first 3 months. During really difficult times I would come here and check in with the 24 hour group and make a promise to myself that absolutely no matter what I would not drink for the next 24 hours. As time marches on one day leads to two and so on until you have weeks and then months.

Give your brain and body a chance to heal. You can't heal a broken leg in a week. Recovering from the damage from alcohol takes time too. I wouldn't take the cast off my broken leg after one week and say "oh well. It didn't work. I guess I'll just have to live my life with a broken leg forever." That would be absurd.

It does get better. It really really does get better.

Soberwolf

You can do this bud

SoberCAH

I used to joke, when I drank, that if I wasn't an alcoholic, I would hate to see what I had to do to be one.

Based on the personal experiences you related, if you're not an alcoholic, the bar for being one must be awfully high.

But I don't think that's the case.

With what you related, I can assure you that we won't exlcude you from this forum for lack of a story.

Sobriety is worth it.

I chose, and continue to choose, AA.

In AA we are happy to have you irrespective of where you fit on the trajectory of alcoholism, regardless of how much you have lost.

We are happy you are here.

I hope you choose a life and program of sboriety.

It is certainly worth the effort and sacrifice.

Rivelino

Love this place, the supportive advice and wisdom from genuine people is the truth I need to hear.

It is going in and is greatly appreciated.

ScottFromWI

Glad you are here with us Rivelino..and congrats on your ongoing success.

Rivelino

14 days sober today and the head has cleared sufficiently for me to begin attempting to live fully in the present.

Even in this short period of time the contrast to how I am feeling , especially emotionally is startling.

I am so grateful for this place and the direct and sound advice from those who know the challenge of living a sober life so well.

My plan is simple.
1. Don't touch any alcohol at all.
2. Live fully in the life I inhabit now each moment at a time, not some future or past heaven or hell.

Have a great day.

Dee74

Congrats on 2 weeks riverlino

D

dsmaxis10

You sad you don't feel your as bad as the people in aa, Have you ever read the storys in the big book they stopped in time and where spared ten or fifteen years of hell from drinking.

Hawkeye13

I had the same experience as you Rivelino--I couldn't believe how much
better I felt emotionally / mentally after even just a few weeks.

The good news is that it gets even better as time passes.
You might have some moments of stress and panic as your AV tests you,
but overall expect an upward trajectory

least

Congrats on two weeks sober! And it keeps on getting better.

ScottFromWI

That's fantastic news Rivelino, thanks for sharing and congratulations. Don't be a stranger!

saoutchik

Congratulations on 5 days Rivelino.

Rivelino

How quickly the mind can change to convince that just having a few beers is a fair reward for a few days worked.

Full of self pity, petty resentments, looking at others and mind reading that they are having a wonderful life in comparison to me with my troubles.

Thankfully I did not buy the drink and chose to let the feeling pass and I am grateful for making that choice this morning.

It was a tough evening of self absorption and self flagellation that I want to move on from quickly.

Today is a new day and I only have to live this one day today, and to live it better than I have before I only have to not pick up the first drink.

Back to thoughts of gratitude and being fair and reasonable to others, including myself, and living mindfully with an outward focus.

JamesWolf

That to me is the hardest to keep going.

Day One-No booze today. Okay good I can do this.
Day Two- Okay, I'm kind of craving a drink, but I don't need it. I can still do this.
Day Three - Yea, work sucked, a game is on. I need a beer. It's Friday, how about a few more?

That's my biggest problem, keeping the streak going.

This is the first time I have been honest about what I'm going to say: I am very weak against this. There are a lot of things that I'm not able to fight against. Idle time, work sucks, boredom, socializing with people, the taste (oh god the taste), lack of accountability. All of it, it has concurred me.

Dee74

All of these things are not true.
I know because I thought them for years too.

I feared getting sober - It terrified me - so I fed myself all those lines.

You are strong that you you think - we all are.
It's not easy, but it's not impossible either.

If you want change, you need to follow through with action James.

You'll find a lot of support here

D

Rivelino

I understand James.

I used to try to be positive to overcome these feelings, you know the gritted teeth approach, I can do it, trying to convince myself that my sober life is much better etc when most of the time in my heart I didn't believe it was.basically just lying to myself as well as to everyone else.

I realise that honesty is the best policy, sometimes being sober sucks and the thought of getting wasted is incredibly alluring. The difference is that when I am sober I can see what's happening to my thoughts and have choices. When I am drinking I have no positive choices available to me. The only thing I can do is drink until I can't' function and then suffer the consequences of feeling ill and looking for the next drink to assuage that feeling and get the buzz back and then repeating the cycle which leads to self loathing, depression, anxiety and crazy behaviour.

This too will pass is a phrase that has helped me, yesterday was one of those days and today I am genuinely glad that I didn't pick up and I'm excited about the prospect of a sober Saturday.