Aellyce

I really get this, GD. Several years ago, before I moved to my current job and residence, and before I really dropped the denial about my alcoholism, I was living in a smaller town in a very rich area and more or less my entire social circuit was people with high profile degrees, positions, and six figure incomes. I was also in a relationship with another alcoholic (he would describe himself as "functional" I guess) who was very much into everything materialistic, lots of visibility and attention, traveling the world all the time on business or first class etc. He also rose up to pretty much the highest level of academia that is possible in this profession. It was interesting, because by origin, he came from a quite poor family with farmer parents and 4 siblings. He made all that happen for and by himself, which is of course quite an achievement and many people admire him all over the world. So he met me: someone similar in terms of focus and drive in some ways, but our ambitions manifest in fundamentally different ways. I'm rather minimalistic in terms of possessions, actually really dislike surplus, dislike being in the center of attention, and never wanted to accumulate stuff, motivated by a partially anxiety-driven idea that it would limit my freedom, flexibility, and mobility. What drives me is to be able to freely explore my interests and not be tied down by responsibility and practical things more than what ensures a ~comfortable level of life so that I don't need to worry... I'm also a bit commitment-phobic... And that was primarily the "death" of the relationship, these differences between us in preferences, even though on a personal level we were extremely attached to each-other and deeply in love in ways that did not seem to fade with years. But we both wanted to advance with our lives, including our careers, so wanted to move on from that place. Made all sorts of grandiose (I will say now, pretty delusional) dreams and plans together, but it all failed on the level of realization, in part because of these fundamentally different preferences regarding everyday lifestyle and in part of course because we both became increasingly stuck in our addiction to alcohol. In the end I decided that I wanted "out" no matter what, and left all those "dreams" behind. It took me a few years to also mentally detach from that period of my past, and to get sober though. But I'm forever grateful for those decisions. I think I would be utterly unhappy if I stayed, if I would still be alive even.

So I really understand these dilemmas.

aasharon90

Having Faith for both my husband and
I we can live within our means while in
retirement. Both of us, no college degree,
hard manual work in past jobs, no huge
big retirement bank account and yet we
both are being guided and taken care
of from our belief and faith in the Man
upstairs.

We both have learned a lot in recovery
and have and still apply tools and knowledge
passed on to us to incorporate in our everyday
affairs.

As long as we stay true to ourselves, open,
honest and not taking things for granted,
then we believe we will be takin care of.

Less stress, less worry, less wondering,
less fear and so on in retirement.

GroundhogDay

Haennie, I am very much the same. Things don't buy happiness, and quickly becomes chains.

silentrun

I can relate. It wasn't a career thing for me it was I saw money as some kind of security. I left home at 19 with $50 and the promise that God would destroy the world and me with it in a matter of months at the most years. I always had this sense that everything could be taken from me at any moment. Time not spent making money for me was time wasted. It was necessary for me to work a lot to a point to survive but it also served as a distraction. At 28 I had my daughter and it kind of mellowed out because my priority shifted to her. Toward the very end of my drinking it ramped up again. Once again I think I used it as a distraction. I was so low it was the only thing I could tie any self esteem to. How big I could get my paychecks and how fast I could sock away money was how decent of a person I was.
That stopped the day I quit drinking. My focus has been getting myself better.

zjw

Yeah we used to have wips and chains now we have mastercard and mortgages. Or other obligations but are they really obligations or things we just chose?

zjw

I had a recruiter bug me about a job once on a sunday evening. I replied back asking if he had anything better to do with his time on a sunday evening. We went back and forth he rambled on about how he loved his job etc.. I was thinking geeze on a sunday evening wouldnt you rather enjoy a show a book play with your kids look at the stars anything really other then work? Maybe work is his thing i guess. If thats the case ok no big deal.

I still have a hard time understanding why someone would wanna work on a sunday evening I mean like put in those extra hours type thing its one thing if thats just your time to work.

Now I know some folks in business for themselves can tend to never get a break. and even in that case I have to ask is that anyway to live?

I dunno I'd rather eat lima beans then be a slave. But there are those that work there butts off love what they do and dont feel that its work at all. There the lucky ones It hink so long as what there doing is not taking from soemthing else in there life IE kid wants attention but there too busy working or something.

I was told find something you love to do and do it for a living and you'll never work a day in your life. I still havent found that something yet myself. I thought I did till it wasnt working out. Perhaps I like change more then I realize.

Aellyce

Well, I guess that is a bit of an exaggeration though. I tend to claim that I've found this for myself, but in reality, everyday tasks are still everyday tasks often, and they can come with stress, frustration, etc. And deadlines. I always need to work around deadlines in many ways, and I consider this both a major pain and a blessing (I know I would never get some things done otherwise). I also sometimes dislike the "human factor" -- having to deal with management and people problems... but then I like to remind myself, I am just as much a pain for others at times. For me, what matters is the sum of the different components that come with a career, since nothing will ever be perfect or even pleasant in every sense and in every day.

Zjw, is it that you think you have not found "the one" (work) externally speaking, or is it that somehow you have a tendency to not be satisfied and see flaws in everything? A bit like when we look for the ideal love/partner and it never happens? Don't get me wrong please, it's not a criticism, I just wonder.

Jeni, I hope you don't mind the hijack -- it's just that questions around careers have always interested me, even just on the theoretical levels: how we tend to choose, how to determine if something is a good fit or not etc. I deal with this often also in my work as I need to manage/supervise junior staff, and I choose to do it in ways which go beyond just the actual work per se, a bit like some sort of life-career coaching

zjw

sometimes its flaws. I also get stagnet when I stay at one job to long i become bored and want something else etc.. But in terms of carreer at this point I think I need a new one.

I understand the sum of all things. Thats the beuty of my marriage or other jobs i've had over they years. I worked at a couple places before and they where far from perfect but you put it all together and it was and fit me well.

GroundhogDay

zjw, I won't claim to love my job, but I like it enough to stay engaged during the workday. My biggest problem at work is late afternoon fatigue.

I am a fan of taking breaks between jobs, however. Otherwise, I become burned out. I save a good chunk of my income and live below my means to retain the freedom to quit when I feel the need.

zjw

Thats not a bad way to go. I've met a few folks over the years that where able to do stuff like that. then blow off however many months between jobs to unwind and enjoy themselves. not a bad way to go. I dont make enough myself to do that. In my case I'm not sure I'd wanna kill myself doing it (just the few i've known have had to really hustle for the money.).

I've had some great jobs over the years but the ones I loved the most wont pay me enough money to take care of my family sadly. I keep my ears open tho if a good opportunity comes along.

JeffreyAK

I've been addicted to work before, also other things like racing motorcycles. Now on the other side of addiction to alcohol, my perspective is quite different, but I do spend a lot more energy on my profession than I did in the 5+ years before alcohol really took over. People do things that are satisfying to them, and even and maybe especially the wealthiest people don't do it for the money, they do it for other reasons. Bill Gates comes to mind, he could have retired many years before he actually did, or Warren Buffett, who's still going strong at 85. As long as you keep a broad perspective and don't wrap your identity and self-esteem too tightly into any one thing, it's all good and beats the hell out of drinking.

thisisme

16 hour days 6 days a week for at least the last 4 years.
No regrets.

CAPTAINZING2000

I've never read any tombstone that read

" I wished I'd spent more time at the office"

SoberCAH

Your post really says it all.

When I drank, I worked to get money to spend on alcohol.

Now, I work because I truly love what I do.

But, I cannot forget principles like "Easy Does It".

The hook that God put in front of me to help get me into recovery was a fear of losing my job and ultimately my career.

I had the same job for many years after I got sober and parted ways with that firm on good terms for good reasons.

I wish them nothing but the best.

I cannot let myself get so caught up in work that I don't do the things that have helped me stay sober to date.

Zebra1275

I've always been a pretty driven guy when it comes to work.

That was part of the reason I was in denial about my alcohol problem for so many years. I was very successful in my career, and at the end of a long day I would use a drink or two to "relax." Since I was successful, I didn't think I had a big alcohol problem, and that I could quit anytime if I needed too.

I was wrong about that. Now I strive to have better balance in my life, I'm not great at that, but I'm working on it.

Tamerua

Yea, and sometimes I whine about it. And sometimes the whining is legitimate and other times, deep down, I know that I would work as hard and be as involved in any job I had.

That said, the company I am currently at requires we all work too many hours with the threat of layoff around every quarter. I've been looking for something else but have not been finding it.