lycanlaz

waking up every hour with severe shakes, skin crawling, noises hurt my skin, allergies have gone through the roof - my nose and eyes are streaming... i have to swig off the drink next to the bed within the first couple of seconds of opening my eyes cause it's so bad, but i don't get it to this level when i'm awake unless i'm actively trying to detox myself and i'm not sure why it gets so intense overnight, like... is it just that i'm not aware of how much i'm drinking through the day? so comparatively i don't get half as much which puts me in withdrawal? i check the time so i know it's no longer than an hour between drinking during the night.

Dee74

I dunno lyc...but it sounds like you're in a bad way, friend?

D

lycanlaz

mate i'm in a mess but i don't know what to do, i think i've blocked out how bad it is and i'm kind of crawling through it one day at a time, just hoping i can go into the detox centre next week.

Dee74

I hope it's next week Lyc. It's been next week for a while.
Is there anyone you can chase up about that?

D

lycanlaz

yeah i know, i got a call from a couple of people this week though for appointments to speak to them about going into both rehab and the in-patients detox, i was getting my dates mixed up, double checked and i'm seeing someone on the 29th... i thought that was for the detox but then i spoke to someone yesterday who identified themselves as being from harvey house, which is the detox, and the others said residential so... i've got an appointment with the harvey house folk on tuesday... it's ******* confusing, but seems like things are actually moving.

sleepie

Hi lycanlanz. I am sorry that you cannot get immediate help. Is there an ER you can go to?

lycanlaz

no, they won't help addicts in my city, i have to go through the application for the detox centre through an addiction charity called inspire. i've been to A&E and been taken in by ambulance a few times.

Soberwolf

LycanLaz

You can detox at a nhs hospital explain that you want to detox and ask for the community drug & alcohol team be calm and explain to them whats happening

At the very least they will help you with detox meds

I would go to A&E now Laz let me know how it goes and spk soon bud

lycanlaz

I've been to A&E lots of times. I've been there begging for help. I've been taken in by ambulance covered in vomit and p!ss. My hospital refuse to treat addicts. I'm feeling frustrated because I've had to explain this repeatedly here and I feel like I'm not being listened to by anyone whether here or in a medical capacity or I'm not being believed or it's like people think I'm not trying to get proper treatment. I've been treated like nobody by everyone here, by the doctors and my mental health team. I was sobbing in front of a doctor in the hospital asking for meds to help detox and he told me to get on with it because he had really sick people to treat despite my stutter and dissociation and my fifteen years of being involved with the mental health team here, no one listens, telling my mental health team on the phone that I'm suicidal and I'm going to hurt myself and they tell me they can't send anyone out to me, then I end up with fifteen stitches in my arm on the same day, every time I try to speak to my care coordinator she is away on leave, what is the ******* point, I don't even know why I'm trying to communicate any more.

Soberwolf

Whats the hospital Laz ? im not saying i dont believe you i just know there should be guarenteed help avalible im not trying to argue bud pm the hospital to me


Hang in there Laz im trying to help you i do believe you just sounds like you need help im here and im listening ok sorry its been like this laz

if your feeling suicidal please read this link http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

lycanlaz

sorry for snapping wolf, i'm having a difficult day, it's royal lancaster infirmary in lancashire, uk, they aren't allowed to keep addicts in more than one night, they don't have any allowances for addicts, i was told this directly by a doctor in the hospital when i went into a&e, the only way to detox in my city is go through inspire and be referred to the in patients detox unit.

i'm really struggling right now, i'm so close to calling a dealer and spending a lot of money i don't know what to do right now i want to destroy myself, i feel really out of control, sorry i probably sound really self absorbed right now i'm ******* trying my head is such a mess everything is a mess...

this is probably going to end up some whiny overshare but i can't keep on like i can;t everything is overwhelming me i don't understand anything anything

like what the ****

i don't even know if anyone will bother reading all this but i'm just going to work backwards like how did i even get to this point, i'm a great writer and a good artist and that's all i want to do with my life like make people feel things and see things in new ways i wanna ******* reach out and grab people and that's the only thing i'm good at and it overwhelms me and i can't do anything about it because every time i get to some point with my art i sabotage it, and have some kind of mental collapse...

i've been diagnosed with depression and schizophrenia and now they're looking at dissociative identity disorder because i have other people in my head and i black out and there's these different people who come out and call themselves different names and behave differently and i don't remember, and i get told how i was a six year old boy for the better part of six months, and then another personality abuses everyone for some reason...

and my abusive mother who used to ******* sit with me for hours when i was a little kid praying to get demons out of me, telling me that i was possessed and no matter what i enjoyed doing she criticized and told me it was wrong and that i was letting satan into me, so when i was ten years old and didn't get out of bed for five months because i was depressed obviously but no one knew what was wrong with me, she said it was the devil.... this woman has been trying to take me and my ex to court to get custody of our daughter...

sorry this is so incoherent and broken up i don't even know whats going on right now theres too much to deal with i can't do this any more i cant... i don't want to

sleepie

Hi lycanlanz. I am glad you are here, at least well enough to wrote and post. I was worried for you.

I'm sorry you feel unheard. I understand that doctors can shut off when a person who they know is an addict is talking to them. I really hope that you can make it to your detox and get the help you need and deserve.

Sasha4

Can you get to an A&E in another city?
They might not have the same policy and might help detox you?

I'm sorry things are so bad for you.
Keep close here.
We care.

JaneLane

I'm in the UK too and if you are in a bad way and need help, go to hospital. Of course they should help you out. I understand that the hospital can't give you a therapist and a recovery programme but they can help in the short term. I hope you get to a treatment centre but if you need medical help straight away, go to the hospital.

There is often a local drug and alcohol addiction centre in the community. They can not only help you detox and liaise with your doctor, but they have group meetings, therapy groups...there is a lot of help out there. They actually helped my friend with post-rehab recovery. So when he got out of the recovery facility, he had a programme in place with meetings, groups and individual help.

Soberwolf

Laz you got that apt on the 29th but i think if your local hospital wont help you then book an emergency GP apt 8am monday morning im so sorry your feeling like this & sorry no one at the hospital is willing to help

Definatly 100% make an emergency GP apt monday morning 8am

And if you cant wait how far is your next hospital ?

let me see if i can help Lycan in the meantime feel free to pm whenever you want

Soberwolf

I know your in touch with inspire about rehab/detox which is exellent laz

have you seen this if it may help

University Hospitals of Morecambe Bay NHS Foundation Trust - Furness General Hospital - Royal Lancaster Infirmary - Westmorland General Hospital :: New alcohol liaison service launched

Soberwolf

How are you bud ?

Soberintexas007

Here in the US if someone is a harm to self, others, or is gravely disabled (unable to take care of themselves), then they have to be assessed for at least 72 hours in a psychiatric ward. You seem to be a danger to yourself and gravely disabled, so I would think some hospitalization is necessary in your case.

lycanlaz

probably. maybe i should. been at my ex's house, came round wedged between the wall and the wardrobe with her crouched next to me but then she was really guarded, wasn't a booze blackout, i'd dissociated and we'd had a bad argument, kept asking what had happened, she wouldn't tell me, said it was either the drink, or i dissociated, or i was possessed.... which was helpful...

it's difficult to get sectioned here, at least in my city, the mental health care isn't very good, there are very few beds for people with mental health problems and in the past ive literally been in front of the acute care team telling them that i had other people in my head threatening to hurt me or the people around me, bombarding me with images of me being raped, having abduction experiences like i would be paralysed in the bed and other entities would be around me... and i'd have entities visiting me telling me they're gods and taking over my body speaking through me like the other personalities, talking about dimensions and the human race and stuff like DNA being a crystalline mathematical structure containing information that we need to access, like wtf, and despite this they will not put me in the hospital

right now i don't have that going on and i can't look after myself and i'm on the full rate of disability benefit and it started when i was a teenager, like i have been severely self harming since i was 13, and i'm 29 now so i don't really know how else to get into a facility if i haven't before now.

lycanlaz

Sorry guys, I guess all of that makes me sound really unhinged. I've had problems with my mental health since I was a child, it's probably hereditary - my mother was severely abusive and I suspect she had undiagnosed schizophrenia, which runs in the family. Her grandmother was schizophrenic. So I was raised in an extreme environment which caused me to create dissociative identities in order to cope... I'm pretty skeptical as a person so I'm not sure how much I believe in actual separate personalities, I think of it more like a creative coping method that allows the mind to cut off from stressful situations, and then as an adult it can become dysfunctional. Traumas become compartmentalised and sectioned off, as if they happened to someone else, and that part of the mind is trapped in that idea, believing it's actually this persona. That's my theory anyway, some people with DID believe their identity states are actual personalities and defend that idea quite fiercely. I just don't see how that's possible. And it frustrates me with the other experiences because I can't reasonably justify them and I maintain reality testing, so when I'm trying to discuss them with medical professionals and I'm lucid and debating the rationale of what I'm seeing and hearing, stutter aside, I don't come across as someone who needs an intensive intervention, even when I'm talking about things that sound absolutely insane.